DESTRUCTIVE SINS THAT CAUSES GREAT MARITAL UNREST!!

Adam and Eve were very happy living in the Garden of Eden. When Eve listened to Satan instead of God, she caused great unhappiness for herself and her husband. All sinful behavior is caused by rebellion against God when people are deceived by the devil. No marriage fails except where one or both partners are involved in SIN. When sin is allowed to get out of control in a marriage, the marriage will fail to provide the happiness and companionship that God intended. Let us consider some of the more destructive sins that can cause great unhappiness in marriage.

1. LAZINESS is one of the most destructive of all sins. Too many people forget that laziness is a sin. Laziness is a major cause of evil. James 4:17 “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin”. Laziness is why there are so many husbands who do not love their wives and why there are so many wives who do not love their husbands. Marriage fails to bring great happiness when they do not work hard enough to create love and build marital relationships.

2. PRIDE is another serious sin that can damage a marriage relationship. Pride is usually the sin that causes all other sins. Pride is thinking that you are better than someone else. It is wrong if you think that you are better than your spouse. Do not think that you are more important to God than your spouse. Jesus shed His blood to forgive your partner’s sins just as He shed it to forgive your sins.

3, SELFISHNESS  is another sin that causes much unhappiness in marriage. If you wish to be miserable, think only about yourself. Think about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you — and then you will be a very unhappy person and cause your spouse to be unhappy as well. Selfishness causes a husband to lie to his spouse. It causes a wife to be concerned only for her own pleasure. It causes a husband to destroy his marriage by committing adultery. Such sin against God and against one’s spouse usually causes lasting damage to a marriage. In some families the husband or wife will turn to drunkenness because of selfishness. Drinking alcohol causes them to forget their responsibilities to their families. Drunkenness causes violence within a family. Drunkenness is the cause of the destruction of many marriages. Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

4. ANGER is another sin that can harm a marriage. One episode of anger can damage a relationship of kindness and patience that took years to build. We are too quick to find excuses for our anger.The Bible clearly condemns sinful anger. It is sinful when it is in excess. It is sinful when it is expressed in ways that are harmful. Psalms 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret — it only causes harm. God provides us with a guidebook, the Bible, to follow to help us live more successfully with our spouses. When the husband and wife are both determined to follow the laws of God, it is almost certain that they will find greater and greater joy with each other as they grow older together.

Couples who want to live happy lives together are committed to telling the truth to each other. A stable relationship can be built only by being honest. In happy marriages the couple gets to know one another by talking and LISTENING. Happily married people express appreciation for and give praise to one another. Happy people learn to live with one another with respect and kindness. Happy husbands and wives trust each other deeply. Couples who are happy enjoy spending time together. In happy marriages the husband and wife share responsibilities. A husband who wants a happy wife will not even consider committing adultery. Same goes to the wife.

What can you do for your marriage? How can you increase your marital satisfaction and improve your relationship? The crucial thing is that you have to let go of expecting your spouse to change and work on yourself. Developing a better marriage begins with becoming a better spouse yourself! You can’t change someone else. You can only change yourself. And trying to change your spouse will create tension in your relationship and actually discourage him or her from changing!

Stella Duru

THREE SPIRITUAL KILLERS OF MARRIAGE!!!

Jesus explains to his disciples in Mathew 13, the parables he had just finished speaking to a crowd of thousands. Part of one of those parables explains why after hearing God’s word many people fall away from the faith and their lives have little fruit or impact on the world around them.

Verse 22  says, "And the one on whom seed was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the worries and distractions of the world and the deceitfulness [the superficial pleasures and delight] of riches choke the word, and it yields no fruit".

These same three “spiritual fruit killers” also  is what kill marriage relationships today. There are many marriages between Christian spouses that fail to accomplish their primary mission which is to bring God glory and co-exist in a state of long term selfishness, unfulfillment and mediocrity. These three killers are;

1. The worries of the world – think about it. What are the things couples worry about most? Money (paying the bills, getting a better paying job, owning more and better things, vacations, saving for retirement, decreasing their piles of debt….etc.)
2. The distractions of the world – these should be easy to name. Entertainment, ie: television, internet, movies, sports, hobbies, travel, etc. Think of all the things that draw your attention away from God and quality time with your spouse. Technology alone captures more and more of our attention every year – cellphones (sending/receiving texts; calls; messages; images; internet); the internet (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Youtube and on and on). Think of the hours the average couple spend focused on these things and away from God and each other……
3. The deceitfulness of riches – While very few of us will ever be categorized as having “riches”, compared to the rest of the people of the world – we are indeed rich. In spite of this, we seem to spend the majority of our lives wanting and pursuing more. Higher paying jobs, bigger homes, newer vehicles, nicer vacations, early retirement – our years are consumed with a pursuit that ultimately will be divided among our kids and sold in an estate sale.

Jesus goes on to say that these things “choke the word” (his word) and make our lives fruitless (we produce nothing of lasting or eternal value). They also choke our relationships and make our marriages lifeless and mediocre.

Read this Chapter again and see what Jesus says will bring life and fulfillment to our lives and our relationships. Don’t be deceived into following the deceitful path the enemy has laid down that seems so attractive and fulfilling. It is a mirage. Your life and your marriage will only thrive as you set aside the distractions of our world and seek Him and His kingdom. 

Jesus says, love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  1 John 2:15. The lover of the world is an enemy of God.

#God&Marriage!!!

GOD'S BLUEPRINTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!!!

One of the blueprints for a successful marriage can be seen in Genesis 2: 24-25 which says;

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”.

Looking at the two verses above, let’s itemize them one by one:

1.  therefore shall a man leave his father and mother,
2.  and cleave unto his wife
3.  and they shall be one flesh
4.  and they were both naked, the man, and his wife
5.  and they were not ashamed.  

Let's take them one after the other:

1. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother,

 One of the major causes of crises in our marriage relationship is from men who though they are legally married, but they have not left their father and mother? It takes maturity for a man to leave his father and mother as there are many men who are still behaving as boys in not leaving their father and mother.

What does it mean to leave our parents? The marriage between your father and mother is a distinct entity, the marriage of your father and mother-in-laws are distinct entity, so to leave your father and mother is to be totally independence of your parents with respect to marriage between you and your wife. A man who has not left keeps going to his parents to settle any little quarrel between him and his wife. The ideal thing which is GOD’S blueprint is for a man after marriage to resolve in his heart to sink or swim with his wife without third party interference from his parents. It is not that a man should not learn some valuable lessons from his parents but should never accept their parents giving  him instruction on how to run his own marriage.

2. and cleave unto his wife

 The word cleave means "to cling faithfully to someone or something, to cling closely or glue together". A man who cleaves to his wife will surely feel ashamed if another woman except his woman doctor to see his nakedness. I look at men who easily fall for extra-marital affairs as men who never cleaved to their wives.

When you cleave to your wife, you will so love her that you never imagine climbing upon another woman to have extramarital affairs with her. If you say you cleave to your wife, what are you doing with another woman in bed?

3. and they shall be one flesh

In mathematics, 1+1=2 but in marriage 1+1=1 and that is the principle of being one flesh. To be one flesh means to be united in body, soul and spirit.

Couples who see themselves as one flesh never offend each other because doing so is like offending their own self. When you are one flesh indeed, you will be like-minded in that anything that offends your partner offends you when your partner is not happy; you end up not been happy. In fact, you will strive to do things that will make your partner happy and in doing so will be happy yourself.

4. and they were both naked, the man, and his wife

This is one of the blueprints that many couples are not obeying. Some couples are not naked to themselves and that is why their marriages are continued to be engulfed in crises and marriage breakdown. One may ask, do I mean physical nakedness? No, it does not mean physical nakedness, a couple need not be too secretive to one another but totally open to one another in everything.

Couples who are secretive to one another are the couples, who never have confidence and trust for each other. It is the state of not been secretive to one another that it is meant that “they were both naked, the man and his wife”. My dear, ensure that both of you are not secretive to one another for that is what it means to be both naked.

5. and they were not ashamed.  

Couples who compare their spouse with other men or women are the one who are ashamed of each other. It is not to be so because in GOD’S original blueprint, the man and his wife were not ashamed. When you are ashamed of each other your marriage will not last, it will surely fail.

That is why young men and women looking for life partner should really consider and choose persons they would ever be proud of. The tendency is that if you are not proud of your spouse, later you get fed up with him/her and begin to compare him or her with other men or women out there in the society.

I wish to ask, are you truly proud of your spouse? If you are asked to make the choice of the woman or man to marry the second time, will you still choose your spouse?

FOUR INSURMOUNTABLE PROBLEMS NO MARRIAGE CAN SURVIVE!!!

There are four insurmountable problems NO marriage can survive.
*Ceasing to be partners: When one partner feels the other is immature, irresponsible, untrustworthy or selfish, the marital dynamic will definitely crumble destroying intimacy and sexual attraction. One partner will then detach and there is often no turning back on detachment. Domestic abuse is the most severe form of detachment when one partner no longer feel equal to the other.


*Chronic complaining and blame-throwing: When a marital problem is not resolved to the satisfaction of both resentment builds and erodes the relationship. Solving a problem by compromise is more important than being right.


*Extreme Selfishness: Everyone is selfish to some extent but it becomes problematic when partners are unable to empathize with each other and instead compete over issues such as who works harder, who spend more time with the children etc. When partners don't understand the other's contribution at home, each begins to assume the other cares less.


*Addiction: A problem with addiction- be it drugs, alcohol, gambling, infidelity will always take priority over marriage and family. The other partner will feel angry, embarrassed by the lack of consideration for others. If the user is unable to give up their habit they will shift blame onto their partner, who may try to hold the relationship together for a while especially if children are involved but will eventually give up if there is no recovery..Parents will often try to stay together for the sake of the children but once these four problems have run too deep there is little hope for the marriage.


It is very important to correct marital issues before they become habitual behaviors and are impossible to change. It is always difficult for couples to change long standing relationship negative patterns by themselves because people tend to argue for their own points of view. Problems in marriage must not be left too late because when it is too late there is little or no chance the marriage will survive.

FACTS YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT MARRIAGE

                                   

·        * Marriage was created by God; therefore instruction for godly marriage must come from Him. Who created marriage? Who has the power to instruct you to marry? Since God is the one that created it, He is the one who created your partner. Therefore, He is the only one who can guide you aright.

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         *Decision on marriage must not come from the flesh. The flesh is a deceiver. It is an enemy in your camp. The Bible says the flesh profit nothing, it is the spirit that quickens. The man or woman your flesh may want you to marry may be the wrong one for you.

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             *  Marriage is not for boys and girls. You are a mad person when in secondary school, you are talking about marriage. Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

·         Before thinking about marriage you must be physically matured, mentally matured and spiritually matured.  You can be physically matured at the age of 18 for women and 21 for men, but physical maturity is not all there is to get married. You may be physically matured but might be spiritually and materially immature. You must make sure you have something doing to feed yourself with before you bring a second mouth. There is no way a hungry man can feed a hungry woman. Being spiritually matured, you must know how to pray and hear God speak. Nobody is praying for problems but if by chance you run into problems in your marriage, you can go back to God and tell Him, You asked me to marry this person so you have to solve this problem, but if he didn’t tell you to go there and there is problems and you call on Him to help you, He will say did I send you there. So this is why it is important you hear from God before you marry the person. If you do not have a clear method of hearing from God first, you have to go and sort that one out, receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit and learn how to hear from God. Once you begin to hear from Him your progress begins. Don’t say I have peace in my heart that he or she is the one. There is something called evil peace- meaning you have peace on the wrong thing.

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            *  It is an abomination for a believer to be a friend or marry an unbeliever. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, Be ye unequal yoke with an unbeliever……..” There is no connection between light and darkness. Don’t marry an unbeliever and say I will convert him or her. Any man demanding sex before marriage is an unbeliever. He is not born again, whether he is speaking in tongues it does not matter. It is a sure sign that the person is not born again. When you come across any man who wants to marry you, it is easy to know who is very worldly. If you see a man who wants to marry you and you go to his house and you don’t hear “Let us share the word, what did they preach today in your fellowship, you don’t hear what did you do in your quiet time”, all  he wants to do is to rob his hands all over you, kiss every part of your body, that is the ceremony every time you go there, you get there with your cloth well ironed and leave his place with a ruffled cloth, then you are just planning to marry a child of the devil. And you don’t fall to his tricks or pressure that "anytime you come here, we just talk and talk, how am I sure you are impotent". That is the language of the devil.

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            *  Destiny must come before partner. Fisrt of all discover your destiny before before you begin to pray about a wife or husband. Your destiny is your mission here on earth, if not you will marry a partner who will be a deficit to your destiny. You could marry a destiny killer. Your destiny is the purpose for which God created you.

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      *Marriage is a life time contract, therefore, do not rush into it. Many have rushed in and rushed out like fire. You must prepare because what you do not prepare for cannot give you the best.

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       *The devil battles against establishment of godly marriage. This is why praying about it is very important. That is why many Christians have marital problems today. The enemy does not want a good matches, he prefers wrong matches. I pray even if you come from a family that marriages do not work your own will work in Jesus name.

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           * There are ancestral and demonic roadblocks to marriage.  The enemy will just deceive you that you are good for nothing and no good thing will come your way. You will be meeting the wrong people, unserious people, married men who are polygamous in nature, those who are completely children of devil. They are the ones who will be showing interest in you. Know that there is a roadblock somewhere and pray.

·         *It is dangerous to give your body to a man before you are married to him.  Pre-marital sex before marriage can destroy the foundation of your marriage.

God&marriage