MARRIAGE: A JOURNEY OF TWO PEOPLE

As the race to eternity is a journey that involves individuals, marriage is a journey of two people walking to model Christ and the church. Human beings were created in the image of God, but marriage was created in the image of Christ and the church. Therefore as man is required to imitate God (in being holy and living for His glory), marriage is to imitate the relationship between Christ and the church, with the husband imitating Christ (the sacrificial servant-leader) and the wife imitating the church (joyfully submitting to the sacrificial servant-leader). The primary purpose is to accomplish a very important goal which is to use marriage to help shape a husband and the wife into the image of Christ. Marriage is very much like a long Journey. A journey of discovery!

Let us look at this scenario; A couple set out on a long journey from their abode, let say Lagos State to Abuja, Nigeria capital city with a full knowledge of their destination. They boarded a bus going to Abuja with much excitement and anticipation to get there without any hiccups. Then along the way the driver diverted to another route leading to another town. What do you think will be the reaction of the couple? First, even though their marriage is now on trial, here they are on the same side because they know where they are going. I believe there reaction will be similar because both of them know exactly the road to Abuja. They will stick together even in midst of opposition and ensure that the driver is back on the right road to their destination.

 But what happens if they do not know where they are going the time they left their adobe?  They will follow the driver to anywhere he takes them because, 1. They are totally ignorant of the journey they have embarked on. 2. They do not know their destination when they left home. 3. They will assume the driver knows where they are going. 4. The driver will take them to where he is going since they did not make known their destination to the driver. 5. Finally they will find themselves in a  strange land believing the place is actually where they are going. Would you say here that they achieve their goal? Definitely NO! 

Let us envisage that one of them knows where they are going and the partner does not know. What do you think they will do the moment the driver diverted from the right route?  First, the journey itself has produced unexpected difficulties. Secondly, their resourcefulness and unity are being put to a test. What happens here will determine if they will get to their real destination or the one that knows their destination discontinue the journey or both follow the driver to wherever he takes them to. What will keep them on the journey, even when it looked like they couldn't take another step, is their commitment to do it together. 1. The one that does not know must believe and trust the one that knows. 2. The one that knows must correct in love, be patient and tolerant, be able and willing to teach and carry the partner along the best pathway so as to get to their destination.  One question begging for answer is, in a situation where the person that knows the destination has done all within his/her power to make the partner to see reason and he/she is headstrong, should the believing person continues with the unbelieving person to the strange land so as not to offend the world or should alight from the bus? Marriage is not an end but a means to an end. If the means to get to the end is being destabilized and dislodged by unscrupulous elements who wants to terminate your destiny, you have to alight from the bus because what is important is getting to your destination. Your destination must not be compromised or exchanged for anything in this life. Marriage is a journey of two people to model Christ and the church, but when the destination is being threatened by the storm of life and your partner refused to be on the same page with you to overcome the storms, I advised that what Bible said in Mathew 5: 29-30 which says; “So if your eye—even your good eye*—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. “And if your hand—even your stronger hand*—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” should play out here. When Jesus said to get rid of your hand or your eye, he was speaking figuratively. He didn't mean literally to gouge out your eye, because even a blind person can lust. But if that were the only choice, it would be better to go into heaven with one eye or hand than to go to hell with two. We sometimes tolerate sins in our life that, left unchecked, could eventually destroy us. It is better to experience the pain of removal (getting rid of a bad habit or something we treasure, for instance) than to allow the sin to bring judgment and condemnation. Examine your life for anything that causes you to sin, and take every necessary action to remove it.

The church believes that these verses must be obeyed except in a marriage relationship. When couples are facing challenges that even threaten their life and their relationship with Christ, they are encouraged not to leave because their marriage is for better for worst. They should stay together and work it out for God hates divorce. What is important to God is the soul of the people in the marriage and not the marriage itself. Malachi 2:15-16 is always being quoted to buttress the reason why couples must not divorce even when their life is being threatened. It says; “Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his.* And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,*” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Divorce in these times was practiced exclusively by men. They were disloyal to their wives and ignored the wedding vows they had made before God, thus corrupting his purpose for them to rear godly children who love the Lord. Not only were men unfaithful to their wives, but they also were ignoring the fact that this bonding relationship was an illustration of their union with God. It was that premise this statement “I hate divorce” came about.  In verse 16, God did not only say He hates divorce and He equally says in the same verse “guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”  

Churches stress so much on the consequences of violating the former giving less attention to the latter thereby making it less important. Unfaithfulness is a very grievous offense that can lead to divorce. What God hates is what leads to divorce and not the divorce itself. God instructed the men to guard themselves; always remain loyal to your wife, which means they are to have the same commitment to marriage that He Himself has to his promises for his people. Our passion should be reserved exclusively for our spouse.  When God instituted marriage man was without sin. But sinful nature of man distorted the very essence of marriage. Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a chance, love always wins.

A marriage between a man and his wife is like Chinese and English language. An English man will not understand a Chinese man unless he understands and speak his language. The same goes to a Chinese man! In a marriage the emotional love language of a couple differs as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love and across your message to each other. You must be willing to learn your spouse’s primary love language if you are to be effective communicators of love. A husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language they express to each other, but the message does not come through because they are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language. But once you discover, understand and apply the language of your spouse, you will discover the key to a long lasting marriage.