DESTRUCTIVE HABITS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES

ANOTHER DESTRUCTIVE HABITS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE:

1. NAGGING

Truth is we all nag about something; it only becomes excessive when you nag about everything. How to cope with a nagging spouse? LISTEN WHEN SHE TALKS: For many relationships, nagging occurs because your partner feels you ignore her feelings/concerns. Start by listening when she talks. Ask what she wants. Your spouse might be nagging about the dishes in the sink when she is really upset about something else. She might want you to take her out to dinner and the dishes are just how that complaint is manifesting itself. Share the chores: If your spouse is nagging about housework, she probably has a point. Does she do all the chores alone? Your spouse wants to be your partner not maid. She works too so complaining you worked all day devalues the fact that she did too. Provide constructive responses. Avoid telling her to stop nagging. Most women hate nagging as much as you hate them doing it. Instead of saying she nags. when talking together, setting goals/making promises, provide her with some constructive criticism. Say to her, “When you ask me to do something, I will do it but in my own time when you repeat yourself I feel that you don’t trust me.

2. ANGER:

 Anger on its own isn't destructive but what you do, how you react, is what makes it destructive. Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it? First what is anger? Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance which leads to explosive angry outbursts. Anger can have a useful purpose if listened to and leads to dialogue/constructive problem-solving. However, anger can either create more anger or withdrawal, both of which interfere with effective communications. .Unbridled and unpredictable tempers interfere with emotional safety and trust when spouses need to engage each other on emotional issues. The issues behind the anger get lost as angry response is perceived as unjust and unwarranted. It's intimidating and controlling. .Some women compare living with an angry husband to living near a volcano, which one lives constantly expecting something to go off. How do you help/deal with a spouse who has anger issues? More than anything, your husband needs to know that you’re on his side, that you’re not against him. You need to communicate, more than you probably think necessary, that you accept and love him, even with his angry issues. Separate the actions from the man; affirm the man. Make him know that you’re satisfied with him and willing to walk him through. Appreciate him and don't nag him. It’s estimated that upwards of 90 percent of men today are angry in their jobs to some degree. Most of them feel fortunate to be working, but not satisfied feeling less masculine because they are not in control of their lives. Be a wellspring of appreciation for work that he does and the living he provides, you will lift some of the pressure from his life. Find many ways to say, “I appreciate that you work hard at your job and that you hang in there even when it’s frustrating and tough. Also pray for your spouse, constantly and continually keep them in prayers soon your prayer will catch up on their behavior.

3.HABIT:

Habit is a routine of behavior repeated regularly and tends to occur unconsciously, something done often in a regular/repeated way. Please note unconsciously, until it is done repeatedly, it doesn't qualify as a habit. Relationships/marriages answers to what you put in. The quality of your relationship/marriage is a product "investment" into it. If you complain that your spouse is nasty, and you choose to INVEST nastiness in return, you'll get the nastiness in folds. Destructive Habit - #Domineering attitude. This type of person tends to be overbearing, controlling, likes to Lord over the other. This behavior often creeps unnoticed into a relationship, as initially it can appear to be caring and romantic. For instance, a controlling man/woman may choose something from a menu for their partner which could be seen as a romantic gesture. However, if someone always insists on choosing, whether their partner likes the choice or not, this is no longer healthy. Living with a dominating spouse can be frustrating. Especially when you love the person and separation is NEVER an option. A spouse who loves to "lord" your life is insecured. This behavior can often turn abusive and troublesome as time flows. Wife says to Husband. Honey can we go by 4 pm? Husband replies Why? for what? No we go at 3! This attitude destroys relationship. This attitude makes your partner withdrawn and often bitter. They feel that they don't have a say in the relationship. How do you cope if you have a domineering spouse? Key factor is Patience. Patience is a key to a balanced relationship.This means being able to keep your cool in tense situations and maintaining a courteous behavior towards your domineering partner. Showing your spouse this calm behavior has also a great chance of influencing your partner. NEVER fight back or be domineering in return because your conflicts will only get worse if this happens. A domineering behavior can make the other spouse feel unhappy, inferior. In this case, communication is very important. Let your partner know how you feel about his attitude towards you and in your relationship spell it out subtly and calmly. Make him or her realize that you are a team and not one is or should be powerful over the other and assure them of your support. A team means working together to achieve goals and not competing against each other. At the same time the domineering partner should endeavor to work on his or her domineering attitude because we are still human and there is a limit one can endure.
 4. DISHONESTY
 Dishonesty in relationships/marriages strangle compatibility. It destroys credibility. It shows disrespect. It violates trust and trust is a critical requirement for any relationship. It is one of the common reasons for breakups/separations. When lies is part of the relationship, there is little hope of making successful adjustments to each other and as a result tears couples apart. You must be honest about your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future. In fact some people feel "justified" lying. Dishonesty is a bad thing, there is no question about it. It is not just enough to desire a great marriage, we must work towards it. Anything that works is worked at.