GODLY HUSBAND!

Here are seven virtues necessary to becoming a godly husband as I picked from the Bible.

Virtue One: Selflessness. Men, in general, tend to be selfish and it is one of the reasons that marriages are failing in greater numbers. A godly husband is selfless, like Jesus. He never focuses attention onto himself, but rather always on the Father and then His bride (the church). A godly husband will follow that example by focusing his attention on God first and then his wife. John 5:19-20 “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him everything he is doing. In fact, the Father will show him how to do even greater works than healing this man. Then you will truly be astonished.”

Jesus taught husbands how to be servant leaders and that is what every marriage needs. I believe you should learn from Jesus, as He would first go to the Father for instructions and then focus on the needs of the people. Husbands as you go to God everyday for instructions just as Christ did, He would help you to see how you could serve your wife every day, by showing you what you could do that day to make your wife’s life more enjoyable.

Virtue Two: Humility. As a whole, men tend to be prideful. Men are taught from an early age to be strong and self-reliant. Yet, God is not looking for self-made men; He is looking for men who will humble themselves to His will, just like Jesus did. Jesus humbled himself and set aside His God-nature in order to be a man. In order to become a godly husband, you have to put your pride and ego aside, and submit yourself first to God and then to your wife. Instead of lifting yourself up as the priest of the household, begin to honor your wife and exalt her as a beautiful and wonderful God-given helper. Godly men are humble servants to God and their wives. 1 Peter 3:7 “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

Virtue Three: Loving. I often hear men say that they have fallen out of love with their wives. This is because they are trying to love their wives in a worldly love. The Apostle Paul taught about a different kind of love in Ephesians 5:25; “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This is a spiritual love that is unconditional and sacrificial and only available from God. God said in order to love your wife the way Jesus loved the church, you must first come to Him and be filled with His love. Then you could go to your wife and let His love flow through you to your wife. Love is not a test. It is an emotion, just like pain and happiness. You can only express it, you cannot prove it. It is something that has to be felt and experienced. Love is not something that can be proved, unless you use scientific brain scan and test chemical levels in your body. Even with that it still cannot be very accurate.

Virtue Four: Kindness. Wife abuse has become a huge problem in the world, even in Christian marriages. Some have never hit their wife, but many husbands are an emotional abuser. They don’t use their fists, but their tongue. Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences””Husbands can speak life or death to their wives with the words they use. As you begin to learn to be a godly husband, the Lord will teach you to engage His spirit before letting your tongue loose. Kindness is a real key to becoming a godly husband. Each day you should strive to be kind to your wife. Compliment her looks, surprise her with flowers, a gift, or fix her dinner. Give her short love notes and special cards that tell her how special she is to you. Take her on creative dates and every once in awhile do the chores she usually does in your house. A godly husband realizes how kind God has been to him and funnels that kindness to his wife.

Virtue Five: Gentleness. The world’s image of a man is rough and tough, but a wife would rather have a gentle husband. Jesus modeled the perfect man by being both strong and gentle. Jesus is the pattern for manhood. And husbands are called to be the same. Husbands are to be Lionhearted and Lamb-like in their home because they are called to lead like Jesus who is the Lion of Judah. Revelation 5:5 “But one of the twenty-four elders said to me, “Stop weeping! Look, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the heir to David’s throne,* has won the victory. He is worthy to open the scroll and its seven seals.” and the Lamb of God Revelation 5:6 “Then I saw a Lamb that looked as if it had been slaughtered, but it was now standing between the throne and the four living beings and among the twenty-four elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which represent the seven-fold Spirit* of God that is sent out into every part of the earth.”. He was lionhearted and lamb-like  strong and meek, tough and tender, aggressive and responsive, bold and broken-hearted. He sets the pattern for manhood.

But to some it is not yet crystal clear that the concept of headship involves leadership as its main meaning and that is the case. The key verse on headship here is Ephesians 5:23: “The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior ” So the husband is to take his unique cues in marriage from Christ in his relationship to his church. A husband bears a unique responsibility for leadership in his marriage. Many men struggle with control and anger problems. They want to be in control and when they cannot achieve it they explode like a volcano, permanently damaging anyone who is around them. In order to become a godly husband, you must allow the Lord to teach you first that He is the only one truly in control and then how to let your emotions out in other ways through conversation, prayer, and even tears. Yes, real men do cry! Over time.

Virtue Six: Honesty. Our world is full of dishonesty and so are many marriages. Trust is a huge area for women and most husbands have done things that have strained that trust. A godly husband will always tell the truth. Little white lies will damage a marriage, as will leaving out key details that you feel she does not need to know. Anything that even looks remotely dishonest to your wife, can lead to damage in your marriage. Godly husbands will be honest and up-front with their wives in all areas. And realize that God made her as a helper and in order for a wife to do that, there can be nothing hidden. Proverbs 12: 22 says “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.”  Proverbs 19:1 says “Better to be poor and honest than to be dishonest and a fool.”

Virtue Seven: Faithfulness. Infidelity, even in Christian marriages, is on the rise. Unfaithfulness falls into two categories physical and emotional. Most often, men think of physical unfaithfulness as a sexual affair. However, this area also encompasses relationships with other women where you are sharing intimate information that should only be shared with your wife. A godly husband never shares his body, or mind with a woman other than his wife. The second is emotional unfaithfulness. Many husbands get to a point in marriage where they do not feel sexually fulfilled and rather than discuss it with their wives, they turn to pornography. Because there is no physical contact, it seems ok. However, Jesus said that if we look at women with lust, we have committed adultery. Pornography is rampant, even in Christian marriages and it is tearing marriages apart. Mathew 5:27-30, “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’* 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 So if your eye—even your good eye*—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your hand—even your stronger hand*—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”

A godly husband makes a life-long commitment to give himself physically, emotionally, and spiritually to his wife alone. The devil is doing his best to tear down marriages and his focus is on the husband, knowing they are the priest of the household. God is also working hard to teach men how to be godly husbands, so that they can enjoy a loving and passionate marriage. You have a choice: To love your wife the way the world loves and let the devil tear your marriage apart or invest your time with God and let Him teach you how to be a godly husband and enjoy a wonderful, fulfilling marriage. A husband’s proof of love is his willingness to invest his time and passion to protect his wife.

The continual flow of love that is needed between a husband and wife starts with the husband. Let me explain. The number one need of a man is companionship: having his wife as his playmate in those things that interest him and give him relaxation and pleasure. But that is not the number one need of a woman. The number one need of a woman is affection. Because the number one needs are different for a man and a woman, it presents a problem. That is, if a husband naturally expresses himself to his wife, he will overlook her needs to fulfill his own. And if a wife naturally expresses herself to her husband, she will overlook his needs to fulfill her own. A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED UPON SOMEONE GIVING UP HIS/HER NUMBER ONE NEED TO SATISFY THE NEED OF THE OTHER.  A husband's acceptance of his role as protector of his family is the true measure of his manhood.