GOD'S BLUEPRINTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!!!

One of the blueprints for a successful marriage can be seen in Genesis 2: 24-25 which says;

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”.

Looking at the two verses above, let’s itemize them one by one:

1.  therefore shall a man leave his father and mother,
2.  and cleave unto his wife
3.  and they shall be one flesh
4.  and they were both naked, the man, and his wife
5.  and they were not ashamed.  

Let's take them one after the other:

1. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother,

 One of the major causes of crises in our marriage relationship is from men who though they are legally married, but they have not left their father and mother? It takes maturity for a man to leave his father and mother as there are many men who are still behaving as boys in not leaving their father and mother.

What does it mean to leave our parents? The marriage between your father and mother is a distinct entity, the marriage of your father and mother-in-laws are distinct entity, so to leave your father and mother is to be totally independence of your parents with respect to marriage between you and your wife. A man who has not left keeps going to his parents to settle any little quarrel between him and his wife. The ideal thing which is GOD’S blueprint is for a man after marriage to resolve in his heart to sink or swim with his wife without third party interference from his parents. It is not that a man should not learn some valuable lessons from his parents but should never accept their parents giving  him instruction on how to run his own marriage.

2. and cleave unto his wife

 The word cleave means "to cling faithfully to someone or something, to cling closely or glue together". A man who cleaves to his wife will surely feel ashamed if another woman except his woman doctor to see his nakedness. I look at men who easily fall for extra-marital affairs as men who never cleaved to their wives.

When you cleave to your wife, you will so love her that you never imagine climbing upon another woman to have extramarital affairs with her. If you say you cleave to your wife, what are you doing with another woman in bed?

3. and they shall be one flesh

In mathematics, 1+1=2 but in marriage 1+1=1 and that is the principle of being one flesh. To be one flesh means to be united in body, soul and spirit.

Couples who see themselves as one flesh never offend each other because doing so is like offending their own self. When you are one flesh indeed, you will be like-minded in that anything that offends your partner offends you when your partner is not happy; you end up not been happy. In fact, you will strive to do things that will make your partner happy and in doing so will be happy yourself.

4. and they were both naked, the man, and his wife

This is one of the blueprints that many couples are not obeying. Some couples are not naked to themselves and that is why their marriages are continued to be engulfed in crises and marriage breakdown. One may ask, do I mean physical nakedness? No, it does not mean physical nakedness, a couple need not be too secretive to one another but totally open to one another in everything.

Couples who are secretive to one another are the couples, who never have confidence and trust for each other. It is the state of not been secretive to one another that it is meant that “they were both naked, the man and his wife”. My dear, ensure that both of you are not secretive to one another for that is what it means to be both naked.

5. and they were not ashamed.  

Couples who compare their spouse with other men or women are the one who are ashamed of each other. It is not to be so because in GOD’S original blueprint, the man and his wife were not ashamed. When you are ashamed of each other your marriage will not last, it will surely fail.

That is why young men and women looking for life partner should really consider and choose persons they would ever be proud of. The tendency is that if you are not proud of your spouse, later you get fed up with him/her and begin to compare him or her with other men or women out there in the society.

I wish to ask, are you truly proud of your spouse? If you are asked to make the choice of the woman or man to marry the second time, will you still choose your spouse?

FOUR INSURMOUNTABLE PROBLEMS NO MARRIAGE CAN SURVIVE!!!

There are four insurmountable problems NO marriage can survive.
*Ceasing to be partners: When one partner feels the other is immature, irresponsible, untrustworthy or selfish, the marital dynamic will definitely crumble destroying intimacy and sexual attraction. One partner will then detach and there is often no turning back on detachment. Domestic abuse is the most severe form of detachment when one partner no longer feel equal to the other.


*Chronic complaining and blame-throwing: When a marital problem is not resolved to the satisfaction of both resentment builds and erodes the relationship. Solving a problem by compromise is more important than being right.


*Extreme Selfishness: Everyone is selfish to some extent but it becomes problematic when partners are unable to empathize with each other and instead compete over issues such as who works harder, who spend more time with the children etc. When partners don't understand the other's contribution at home, each begins to assume the other cares less.


*Addiction: A problem with addiction- be it drugs, alcohol, gambling, infidelity will always take priority over marriage and family. The other partner will feel angry, embarrassed by the lack of consideration for others. If the user is unable to give up their habit they will shift blame onto their partner, who may try to hold the relationship together for a while especially if children are involved but will eventually give up if there is no recovery..Parents will often try to stay together for the sake of the children but once these four problems have run too deep there is little hope for the marriage.


It is very important to correct marital issues before they become habitual behaviors and are impossible to change. It is always difficult for couples to change long standing relationship negative patterns by themselves because people tend to argue for their own points of view. Problems in marriage must not be left too late because when it is too late there is little or no chance the marriage will survive.

FACTS YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT MARRIAGE

                                   

·        * Marriage was created by God; therefore instruction for godly marriage must come from Him. Who created marriage? Who has the power to instruct you to marry? Since God is the one that created it, He is the one who created your partner. Therefore, He is the only one who can guide you aright.

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         *Decision on marriage must not come from the flesh. The flesh is a deceiver. It is an enemy in your camp. The Bible says the flesh profit nothing, it is the spirit that quickens. The man or woman your flesh may want you to marry may be the wrong one for you.

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             *  Marriage is not for boys and girls. You are a mad person when in secondary school, you are talking about marriage. Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

·         Before thinking about marriage you must be physically matured, mentally matured and spiritually matured.  You can be physically matured at the age of 18 for women and 21 for men, but physical maturity is not all there is to get married. You may be physically matured but might be spiritually and materially immature. You must make sure you have something doing to feed yourself with before you bring a second mouth. There is no way a hungry man can feed a hungry woman. Being spiritually matured, you must know how to pray and hear God speak. Nobody is praying for problems but if by chance you run into problems in your marriage, you can go back to God and tell Him, You asked me to marry this person so you have to solve this problem, but if he didn’t tell you to go there and there is problems and you call on Him to help you, He will say did I send you there. So this is why it is important you hear from God before you marry the person. If you do not have a clear method of hearing from God first, you have to go and sort that one out, receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit and learn how to hear from God. Once you begin to hear from Him your progress begins. Don’t say I have peace in my heart that he or she is the one. There is something called evil peace- meaning you have peace on the wrong thing.

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            *  It is an abomination for a believer to be a friend or marry an unbeliever. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, Be ye unequal yoke with an unbeliever……..” There is no connection between light and darkness. Don’t marry an unbeliever and say I will convert him or her. Any man demanding sex before marriage is an unbeliever. He is not born again, whether he is speaking in tongues it does not matter. It is a sure sign that the person is not born again. When you come across any man who wants to marry you, it is easy to know who is very worldly. If you see a man who wants to marry you and you go to his house and you don’t hear “Let us share the word, what did they preach today in your fellowship, you don’t hear what did you do in your quiet time”, all  he wants to do is to rob his hands all over you, kiss every part of your body, that is the ceremony every time you go there, you get there with your cloth well ironed and leave his place with a ruffled cloth, then you are just planning to marry a child of the devil. And you don’t fall to his tricks or pressure that "anytime you come here, we just talk and talk, how am I sure you are impotent". That is the language of the devil.

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            *  Destiny must come before partner. Fisrt of all discover your destiny before before you begin to pray about a wife or husband. Your destiny is your mission here on earth, if not you will marry a partner who will be a deficit to your destiny. You could marry a destiny killer. Your destiny is the purpose for which God created you.

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      *Marriage is a life time contract, therefore, do not rush into it. Many have rushed in and rushed out like fire. You must prepare because what you do not prepare for cannot give you the best.

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       *The devil battles against establishment of godly marriage. This is why praying about it is very important. That is why many Christians have marital problems today. The enemy does not want a good matches, he prefers wrong matches. I pray even if you come from a family that marriages do not work your own will work in Jesus name.

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           * There are ancestral and demonic roadblocks to marriage.  The enemy will just deceive you that you are good for nothing and no good thing will come your way. You will be meeting the wrong people, unserious people, married men who are polygamous in nature, those who are completely children of devil. They are the ones who will be showing interest in you. Know that there is a roadblock somewhere and pray.

·         *It is dangerous to give your body to a man before you are married to him.  Pre-marital sex before marriage can destroy the foundation of your marriage.

God&marriage

DEALING WITH LYING PARTNER!!!

Dealing with a lying partner can be one of the greatest challenges in a relationship/marriage. Proverbs 6:16-17 says,"There are six things the Lord hate which includes a lying tongue........". Also Proverbs 26: 28 says, "A lying tongue hates its victims, and flattering words cause ruin". Trust is a vital foundation in a relationship. When a partner lies, the greatest impact is that trust is eroded. The strength of any relationship or marriage is dependent on the quality of the trust in it.Trust is very fragile. Once broken, it can't be put back together as before. Marriage and relationships must encourage and reward truth telling. The way you handle a lie determines if your partner will stop lying or continue lying. We must learn to correct and confront lies in love. Every lie has a root. Except discovered, there will be more lies. If a partner lies out of fear which most partners do, then you need to address the fear in the relationship. Dealing with a Lying partner, how to approach the situation; So you caught your spouse lying,you are really hurt and upset. What do you do? How do you confront the situation? Do you approach it as a "conversation" or as a "confrontation". You must speak as a team trying to find out a solution. Rather than as though you are opponents in battle. When you do speak to your spouse, do not focus on “the lie” or “the lying, if you do, the conversation might turn bad. So rather than focusing on the lie itself, focus on the specific issues at hand, talk about what YOU thought or how YOU feel. Approaching discussion as “confrontation” usually results in competitive mindset, causing a partner to react defensively. In other words, trying to blame, attack or point out your partner’s misdeeds won’t get you very far or resolve the problem. Make it a conversation where your spouse can hear what you are trying to say without feeling like they are being attacked. Even though your partner is guilty of lying, Confrontation/ accusation only make them more defensive or withdraw. Instead of focusing on the lie, approach the problem in the least judgmental way possible. Make your partner see that the act of lying, hurts you and make you less confident in relationship you both share. Let you partner know you feel betrayed when lied to, rather than throwing accusations at them. This way, you can be sure your partner will listen to you and you can work things out from there. With this approach,you can create a sense of understanding and a willingness to discuss problems without a lot of negativity. This will also let  your spouse feel more comfortable discussing issues in the future.

HEAVENLY/MARITAL RACE

God created marriage in order to shape couples to become like Christ. Until that is your focus and goal in your marriage, the union is outside God's covering and protection. Heavenly race to eternity is personal but marital race on earth involves two people! Marriage is not the ultimate end of race to heaven but it is a means to it. As a single person you are running one race (heavenly race) but as married person, you are running two races (heavenly & marital). In all these races we need the help of the Holy Spirit to succeed. Why running this marital race many neglect their personal race to eternity which is most vital! Be careful, marriage cannot take you to heaven but your personal commitment and relationship with Christ. That is why marriage is an illustration of Christ and the church. When your relationship with Christ is intimate, it definitely will rob off on your marriage. DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF UR PERSONAL RACE IN YOUR MARITAL RACE!!! Your marital race can only take you to heaven if your personal relationship with Christ is fully reflected in it to the glory of God. His grace is sufficient! This is why You are not in your marriage to cheat your partner because each is in it running also a personal race to eternity. Whatever you do in your marriage you will personally give an account to God on that judgement day! Bear this in mind!

No matter the good sermon you hear and read about how to sustain a healthy relationship/marriage and with your own effort, until each spouse come to terms that he or she is in that relationship/marriage first to please God and second he/she is in a race to eternity and not just for the partner, with time the pressure and challenges that comes with marriage will tear them apart because the foundation is not rooted in Christ and the motive fall short of God's expectation. God and His word is the key of life and light to our path. In marriage you don't do what you do for your spouse, but for God who you will account to at the end of this life. And for you to get to this stage, you must make a conscientious effort to die to yourself daily and be alive to your inner spirit. Couples who are in the marriage for each other alone, get frustrated when their partner fall short of their expectation, which in turn make them to look somewhere else to get satisfaction. Couples in this category see each other as their enemy at a slightest provocation. They hardly study the word and pray together. But couples who are in the marriage with the mindset that they are on a journey, running a race to eternity and have their allegiance first to God, will do everything to live for God and fellowship with Him more closely, which in turn rob off on their marriage. No matter the challenges before them they will continue to look up to God in prayers for a radical transformation and betterment of their union and not engage in any extra curriculum and marital affairs elsewhere. Couples in this category are always conscious of their heavenly race. They see the devil as their common enemy and not each other. When there are issues, they use the word of God as a standard in resolving their differences. They set peace as a goal in their marriage and organize their life around it. At that judgement day, you will not tell God that your partner made you engage in extra-curriculum and marital affairs because of their behaviors and attitude, The Lord will say, "depart from me, you unfaithful servant". REMEMBER YOU ARE IN THAT MARRIAGE FIRST FOR GOD AND TO LIVE FOR HIM AND MAKE HEAVEN AT LAST, NOT FOR YOUR SPOUSE ALONE!