GOD'S PURPOSE OF CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP!!!

Courtship time is the period a Christian brother and sister agree to marry one another till their wedding day. Scripturally, no time period is specified e.g. Isaac and Rebecca courted for few minutes (Gen. 24:62-67) which Jacob and Rachel courted for Seven years plus (Gen. 29:18-28). A lot of times, circumstances usually dictate. However, it is advise that courtship should not be less than six months and should not be unnecessary dragged for too long. It is therefore advised that brethren are ready before committing themselves into courtship. The purpose for  courtship are as follows:

1.   Gaining better knowledge of each other

-          Know one another as much as possible

-          Exchange ideas and information

-          Discuss with each other on various topics

-          Meet your in-laws, relations and friends/co-workers

-          Arrange for your parents (on both sides) to meet.

2. Togetherness in the fear of the Lord

-          Do things together

-          Learn new things together

-          Worship together

-          Pray together

-          Fellowship together

-          Visit together

-          Spend together

-          Decide together

1. It is a period to seek knowledge (Hosea 4 vs 6) from:

-          The Bible

-          Christian literatures on marriage

-          Christian marriage counselors/pastors

What type of knowledge is required?

-          Details of marriage and family life

-          God’s counsel and principles on marriage

-          Marital roles and responsibilities

-          Christian warfare in marriage

2. It is a period of effective communication in which:

-          You engage in active discussion

-          You observe one another closely

-          You listen attentively to your partner

-          You take note of information from friends, parents, brethren and pastors.

-          You visit one another at home, at work, and in the church.

Things to discover about one another:

-          Personality profile

-          Family background

-          Social tastes/friends

-          Life history

-          Future ambition/Christian calling

-          Temperament

-          Leadership ability

-          Sense of humour

-          Use of tongue

-          Reaction to good and bad news

-          General comportment during unguarded moments, i.e at play.

-          Attitude to the following:

i)                     Money

ii)                   Jewelries

iii)                  Correction/ disagreement

iv)                 Instructions/ Obedience

v)                   Respect

vi)                 Discipline

3. It is a period to reach agreement on certain issues (Amos 3:3) such as:

§  The type of wedding you want

§  Where to live after the wedding

§  Which church to attend

§  Nature of work and where to work

§  Size of family etc.         

4. It is a period to develop your companionship ability. You assess how compatible you are, and try to adjust or adapt appropriately:

§  Socially

§  Educationally

§  Family status

§  Emotionally

§  Professionally

§  Identifying with one another

5. It is a period to give and receive through :

§  Sharing together

§  Buying gifts for one another, parents, relatives and friends.

6. It is a period to plan your introduction, engagement and wedding ceremonies.
7. It is a period to plan for your future home.

§  Prayerfully

§  Building one another up in  the word of God

§  Sharing God’s vision that would be fulfilled together

§  Children and old age

PROACTIVE COMMUNICATION A KEY TO SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!!!

‪What is communication? 

Communication means to overcome the desire to conceal feelings and thoughts and rise to the level of talking about money, fears, wishes, motivations, sexual feelings and responses, mistakes made, resentments, and misunderstandings with the intent to resolve them

How often do you communicate with the person you are in a relationship with? How sincere is your communication with him/her? The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand, we listen to reply. All relationship problems stem from poor communication. Communication ceases when the need to conceal becomes stronger than the desire for unity. Your marriage will become a happy, mutually satisfactory one if both of you set your sights on unity.

 

A happy marriage is not possible without communication that reveals, with reasonable certainty, how the other feels and thinks about a given action or situation. Communication is to love and relationships what blood is to the body. Nothing is more vital in a marriage than encouraging and appreciating your spouse. Be sure to tell your spouse, ''I love you'' everyday and show that love by your actions. It heals a lot of wounds. Communicating love and expressing admiration in both words and actions can enhance every marriage. Good intentions are not enough in a relationship. Communication is the key. Learn your communication style. Don't can't survive where there is communication in marriage and relationship.

 

Hearing and recognizing the voice of the Lord, is the most important aspect of our relationship with Him. This is because every relationship depends on communication. It would be difficult for a relationship where there is no communication between the parties to prosper. If your communication isn't effective what good is it? Improve your communication and have Peace and Harmony at home. Enhance your relationships today with effective communication! Effective communication is a foundation key to health, happiness and success in relationship and marriage. Develop a positive character and have effective communication with your spouse! Our Character and Communication determine our relationships. Our relationships determine true Success. Character and Communication are activities we must work to be better at and continuously develop daily.

Why is communication important in relationships and marriages? 

Communication makes relationships and marriages sweet. You fall in love by communication and you sustain it also by communication. Lack of communication brings confusion. The Bible says in Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together except they agree?". You can only agree by communication. Have you noticed that when relationship turns sour, the first thing that jump out of the window is communication. Couples practically stop communicating. When you avoid discussing issues, it will slide into radioactive mode. Emitting fire gradually until one day it burns down the house. But proactive communication saves stress.

 

 ''Can two work together except they agree?'' when two people come to the place where they have the same mind, the same judgment, the same outlook, and the same goals, yes, they have given up their individuality, but they don’t lose their creativity. The relationship is centered on cooperation rather than opposition. They are working together. Once couples learn to talk to each other about what's bothering them in a respectful manner is the beginning to effective communication. Poor Communication is often the primary problem in marriages.

Why must we communicate in Relationships and marriages? 

1. To pass basic information. 

2. For partnership. 

3. For conflict resolution- this level requires intense communication. and a lot of men avoid it. 

4. For connection- you cannot connect if you don't talk for conflict resolution. 

5. Personal information and revelation- here you talk about what you feel inside. 

6. For intimate communication- this has to do with sex and that's where the men want to be. 

Barriers to why people avoid communication?

1. Sarcasm. 

2. Harshness. 

3. Insensitivity.

Asking question is as powerful as prayer! Always ask question in your relationship for better understanding and an enhancement for easy communication. Every crisis in a relationship can be dismantled with enough questions. Do not keep mute and get yourself worked up because you do not want to lose your partner. If the person leaves you because you ask question, then they do not deserve you!

HOW TO FINANCE A MARRIAGE CEREMONY WITH A LOW BUDGET!!!

Financing marriage ceremonies and wedding in Africa especially in Nigeria can be very expensive. This has led to many late marriages. In some cases, the men find their right spouse, but are not able to get married because of the huge cost of financing marriage ceremonies. We should know that the cost of a marriage ceremony is not enough reason to stop any person from getting married. No matter how low your budget is; you can successfully get married. All you need to do is to invite a small number of persons for the marriage ceremony to suit your budget. If your budget for the marriage ceremony is very low, you can also limit your marriage ceremony to the payment of bride price or dowry. The Bible recognizes that the couple is legally married when bride price or dowry is paid. All you need to do after payment of the bride price or dowry is to take your wife to your pastor for marriage blessing. You should know that the ceremony of marriage is not more important than marriage itself. It is only a means to the marriage. Marriage itself is what matters most. Every man should desire to get married. Whether the budget for your marriage ceremony is high or low, it is important that you get married. Once you get married, you will begin to experience fresh favor from God and your financial level must increase. When you’re financially favored you can still do the marriage anniversary as many times you want it.

What is the basic financial requirement for a man before marriage?

There are many men who do not want to get married until they become very rich. In some cases, it may take them years to make the kind of money they need before they get married. Some end up not even making the money. The truth is that you don’t need excess money to get married; rather you need marriage to make excess money. The principal financial requirement for a man before marriage is to have a job that gives him a basic salary, no matter how small. It is very important that you have a regular source of income. If you are operating your own business, ensure you make a steady income no matter how little. Once you have a job and accommodation no matter how little, you can get married. When you are married, God says, you have found a good thing and you will obtain favor from Him. The marriage will not only increase the level of God’s favor upon your life, it will also increase your spiritual strength. The combination will increase favor from God and ideas and skills how to make money when you go about it the right way.

What about places were their cultures demand high budget and bride price?

The fact remains that cultures are man made and are subject to change. Therefore, it should not stand between people and marriage. God made marriage to be between a man and a woman. What is important is the parents consent and bride price. Once these are concluded the parents of the lady should also ensure that every other formalities that follows, that they are considerate and their demands are what the proposed in-law can afford. They have a role to play to ensure the happiness of their daughter are not dashed by unreasonable demands of their relations who did not contribute to the upbringing of their daughter. There are unscrupulous individual who do not like good thing coming to others so they will do every thing to stop it.

Rather than one delaying his wedding for financial reasons, it's better to have a low profile wedding, receive God's favor, and then prosper.

ATTRIBUTES OF A GOOD WOMAN!!!

Most of men's problem is finding a good woman. Some men have been deceived and dazed by a woman's looks, at some point in their lives. Many of them have wasted countless hours and spent fortunes chasing after women who lied to them and basically treated them like dirt. Some regret the lost opportunity to marry a woman who was not exactly physically attractive but was a good woman.

Below are some attributes of a good woman: 

1. She is confidence and family oriented: I believe that one of the most important qualities of an amazing woman is definitely her confidence. Every woman should possess this quality! A woman that is self-confident, that trusts her abilities and exudes confidence all the time is totally irresistible in the eyes of men everywhere. Also, she has a close relationship with her family and avoids bad worldly external elements that may taint its sanctity and purity.

2. Compassionate, gentle and affectionate: Avoids yelling and hurtful confrontational words that can later cause long term damage and resentment. Most men are attracted to women who show they care about the people or things around them. They want to be with someone who’s nice and caring and who can satisfy their need for affection because most of them are only big babies inside that tough exterior. So, don’t be afraid to show your feelings; just try not to smother him because, just like you, he still needs his freedom and that doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

3. She has a big heart and approachable: Thinks about others and knows how to talk to them and treat them. Most men prefer a woman who is approachable, who seems accessible like the girl next door, someone nice and gentle whom you can proudly introduce to your parents, and who’s not afraid of ruining her make-up if you touch her face. So, try not to seem too unavailable because this will only intimidate your dream man!

4. Understanding and Unselfish: Considers you in every situation. She does her part of the work in the relationship to make it strong. Every man wants to be with a woman who is understanding and nice, who’s not nagging him all the time and who's not trying to control his life. Also, a man would really love a woman that accepts him the way he is, that loves him for who he is and who doesn't try to change him. I wouldn't like someone try to change me either; I would gladly try to improve my behavior to make somebody happy, but that would be my choice.

5. Good with kids: If she is unable to be patient and understanding with kids, it is quite possible that she will not be able to be patient and understanding with you.

6. Cooks and cleans well: Women are virtually useless if they do not have domestic skills. Don't get me wrong, men should learn these things too. It's just that you should expect this from women just like women expect a man to buy her a drink. They naturally attain a gift for maintaining life at home with every gentle touch. What a beautiful thing.

7. Patient and encouraging: Men are powered by their ego, which is a known fact and a sex trait they have. You don't have to constantly compliment men all the time, but be encouraging! A man likes to know if he gets a promotion at work, makes a great meal, is having a hard time, or dealing with a life issue, that he has your encouragement and support. Tell him, leave him a note, or even send a card. He'll love you for it! Men love women that are also patience. Sometimes this may be difficult given that time of month but a good woman will have patience, who does not rush things or always in a hurry to get things done.

8. Sense of humor: I guess since nobody likes someone too serious and uptight, it’s understandable why men like women with a great sense of humor. They want someone with whom they can laugh and have fun, because in every relationship there are a lot of other things that matter more than sexual attraction. Don’t worry that you might seem silly or childish; chances are that he is even more childish than you! Don’t be afraid to be yourself! If a woman has a good sense of humor and loves to laugh most of the time. This is a big plus. Life is not that serious all the time so we must learn to drop our corporate grown-up act occasionally. We are all still children.

9. Smell nice: While looks aren't everything, every man likes for a woman to smell nice. Use a great shampoo, wear a great perfume, or just use a fabulous lotion. Whatever scent you choose will be the one he associates with you, so make sure it's a great one! Every time he smells it, he'll think of you and go crazy with comfort and love.

10. Can enjoy and appreciate the simple things: A good woman should be able to enjoy the simplest things in life. Sitting down together and talking over some tea or wine. If she is not able to enjoy the bare minimum, it's time to look for somebody new. A good woman appreciates what she has been given. It's the simplest things in life that count.

11. Independent and Hard working: Is positive about her job and works hard at it. Does not complain and nag about work all the time. Knows how to save her money and spend it realistically (not caught up in lavish living unless affordable). She does not use your money all the time and belittle you for not having enough. In my opinion also, independence is a must-have quality for every woman, whether she wants to attract the man of her dreams or not. Men need a lot of affection and care as well, but just like you, they may feel the need for space now and then too. So, that’s why I believe a man will be more attracted to a woman who’s independent, who has her own friends, hobbies, and especially her own life beyond the relationship that she’s in.

12. Honest: A good woman is not afraid to tell you the truth even though you may not like it.This is another extremely important quality that every woman should possess in order to be true to herself and to attract the man of her dreams. Obviously, a lot of men want to be with a lady who is sincere and honest and who doesn't like lying or cheating. Well, who wouldn't? Even though most men want to create the impression that they’re really tough, they still can get hurt pretty easily and that’s why they want to trust the woman with whom they’ll be in a relationship. So, try to be sincere, and even though you may think that the truth will scare him, I think he’ll appreciate your honesty!

5 TRAITS OF A GOOD MAN

These are the qualities that makes a man stand out  and be labelled a good man!
1. PROMISES –  A man’s word is his currency.  A respectable  man is a man of his word. He says what he means and means what he says. His word is his bond. A good man will keep his promises to his woman. He won’t break dates and be a no call and no show. He will not play with your emotions.  He remembers to call you when he says he will. A man who values his woman keeps his promises. That is the way he shows that he cares.

2.  Intimacy is something that is natural to human nature. However, pressuring a woman whom he just met for sex is not of a good man’s nature. A man who has any intentions of being a good mate to you does not pressure you for sex when he meets you. A woman is not a vehicle to be driven. Her body does not need to be test driven. A woman is a gift from God, and her time, attention and affection should be appreciated, not taken for granted. If a woman meets a man who wants to test drive her physical body, emotions and feelings, it’s best that she point him to a car dealership, bid him goodbye and don’t look back! A woman deserves a good man who will respect her.   

3. A good man will let a woman know what place she has in his life. He will give you a title, whether that title be friend, girlfriend, boo, woman, lady, or wife, he will introduce you as such. He will introduce you according to how he feels about a woman, no surprises. Good men in general tend to be very protective. We mark our territory. If a good man loves you, he is willing to profess it to others. 

4.  A good man is not a selfish man. He puts his woman first and is always sure to address any issues or concerns that she may have. A good man desires to do things that make his woman happy. The opinions of his lady count to him. He understands that a happy wife means a happy life. 

5.  When a good man wakes up in the morning, his mission is to make sure that his family is taken care of in every way, to the best of his ability. He wants to make sure his woman is happy and satisfied. Providing for the people he loves and cares about, whether it’s financially or with sweat equity, it’s all a part of a good man’s DNA. A good man has no limits to the thing provides for those he loves.* A good man believes in uplifting his family, allowing himself to be an image that his family can look up to.  They in their life label him as a good man. 

* A good man has a desire to protect and provide for his woman. Even if he may currently not have the financial ability to provide for a woman he still has a deep desire to. If he doesn't want to see his mother working diligently chances are he does not want to see his woman work diligently either.