IS MONEY IMPORTANT IN A MARRIAGE?

Money is very important in a marriage because this will determine the success of the relationship. Without money, couples and children are affected.

Although money is not everything in a relationship, money could make or unmake a relationship. Money is very important to people especially to couples. Many relationships have failed and died a natural death because of money. Although we hate to admit it, money is often times the root of all the problems in a relationship.

When the family’s financial status becomes unstable, the relationship of couples are affected. What is worse, the kids often are the worst affected especially when they are still going to school. If money is the problem, kids are sometimes transferred to cheaper schools.  The other needs are controlled and sometimes the quantity and quality of food is reduced.  Extra-expenses are cut off and only the necessities are provided.

Many relationships have gone sour because of money. Couples must both have good sources of income to provide for the family’s needs. If one is earning more than the other, what usually happens is there is a conflict between the couples. This means that money is very important in a relationship, whether it is for spending or it is the principle behind it.  Some couples fight because one of them does not know how to save money.

The need of the family

At the start, couples do not have children. There are no additional mouths to feed and they can live a lifestyle that they choose to have. When kids come, changes follow. There is no problem at all if the couple is earning that much to provide well for the kids but in some situations, the couple maybe earning just enough which make life with children hard to cope with. Sometimes, the problems start from here when additional expenses are needed for the children.

How important money is to a relationship depends on many factors:

The lifestyle of the family

The importance of money in a relationship sometimes depends on what lifestyle the couple or family chooses to have. Simple people often have happy relationships even with just enough money to spend. Those who aim for a more luxurious lifestyle often end up being unhappy because they choose a life that they sometimes cannot afford. If there is no more money to spend, relationships often get into trouble. This is where relationships sometimes end.

The kind of job the couple has

Of course, those who earn more could afford to have a more comfortable life than those who earn less. Problems come when the couples could not provide for the family’s needs. If there is financial problem in the family, situations change. 

Communicate About Your Finances

You need to make sure that you will work together on your finances. This means that you should sit down and openly discuss where you are currently including all of your debt and assets. Once you are married you combine these. It can be very frustrating to have one person spend money frivolously while the other one saves money constantly. You need to work together to find a happy medium. You will need to come to major decisions together, and decide how to deal with financial pressures from extended family, or other tough financial decisions that may come up.

Set Goals Together

After you discuss where you each are financially you should set specific finance related goals as a couple. This can include getting out of debt, buying a home and saving for retirement. You should be specific with a timeline and amounts, because this will help you stay on track. Your goals will help you to succeed financially and retire comfortably. As you work together to achieve these goals you will find that the direction and purpose helps to strengthen your marriage.

 Budget As a Couple

Additionally, you should plan a budget together. This will help you to work together to achieve your goals. It also sets up clear spending guidelines. When you are budgeting as a couple, it is essential that you communicate on a regular basis. At first, you may need to go over the budget every night and report your spending to each other. Once you have been budgeting for a few months, you may be able to talk about your finances just twice a week. By discussing what you have spent and keeping a running total of your budget, you will both be involved the daily financial decisions and work together as a team. As you work at it, preparing a budget will get easier. Take the time now to great good financial habits in your marriage. An allowance for both of you can help stop money fights and give you money to spend on some of the things you want each month.

Merging Your Finances

Finally, when it comes to marriage and money, you should let go of the past and move forward together. If you are going to resent the student loan or credit card debt your spouse brings into the marriage, you may need to rethink getting married. When you are married you take on both the positive and negative aspects of the marriage. It is important to consider the debt and savings as ours instead of yours or mine. This will lead to a much more positive experience for both of you. You may want to talk to a marriage counselor or a church leader about these issues before you get married. Doing this can prevent you from going through a divorce and the financial problems that divorce causes. If your spouse refuses to combine finances, it may be a sign of deeper marriage issues. You should seek counseling to address the issue.

Money is very important in a relationship. There are lots of things that money could provide to the couples which could make the relationship better. Sometimes money could even buy happiness and joy in a relationship.  The things that you buy for your love ones and the material things that you provide for them are responsible for making the relationship in a family happier.  Many people think that they can be happy even without money but the truth is if you are hungry you cannot anymore say that. Money may not be everything that could make a relationship work but it helps if couples have money to spend and enjoy life together.  It is not the exact money that provides happiness in a relationship but it is one of the useful tools that can make a relationship more harmonious thus happier too.

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY!

Marriage is the foundation of a family, and a family is a small church of Christ. It is the family that is the meaning and purpose of marriage.

There are many institutions in the world today, but only two institutions were established by God. These are the church and the home. It is significant that God chose to create the home first. A home starts when two people get married. Marriage is the most important relationship in the physical world. We should be careful to follow the rules that God has made for marriage. lf you follow God's pattern, you can have a wonderful marriage.

Marriage and family is instituted by God. It is not man's idea.  Let us look at Genesis 2 vs 18 -21:

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man* to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs* and closed up the opening. 

Man was not consulted. man has no contribution. It is purely an institution of God. So it is stupid to ignore Him when you are talking about marriage. The passage above said that man was formed from the ground(dust). We all know that dust has no value yet God put His breathe into a valueless thing. What He is saying here is when God step into a something that is valueless, He put His life in it. Without the life of God in a family, that family is useless like that of the dry bone in Ezekiel 37.  life must has the breathe of God in it for it to have a meaning and identity!

What is the breathe of God:

Let us look at these passages John 6 vs 63 and Isaiah 34 vs 16

Isaiah 34: 16 says, "Seek and read from the book of the Lord: Not one of these shall be missing; none shall be without her mate. for the mouth of the Lord has commanded, and His Spirit has gathered them". (RSV)

John 6:63 says, "It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life". (RSV) 

God's word is God's Spirit.The Holy Spirit gives spiritual life; without the work of the Holy Spirit, it becomes difficult for couples to see the need to work together for the singleness of purpose and for the success of their marriage. Crisis in any family is not Satanic but a wisdom deficiency. Without the word of God every family will remain a STATUE without life. Because the understanding of God's word and practicing obedience is a solid foundation to weather the storms of life together. Marriage is not a man's product but God's product and He left a manual on how it has to to function. And the manual left is the BIBLE! When the manual is not followed it distort and defeat the purpose for which it is created. No man can tell you how to marry. You need to go to the manufacturer for the manual. Psalm 11 vs 3 says, "If the foundation are destroyed, what can the righteous do"?No other foundation can couple lay in marriage that that which God has already laid. If you try to lay another foundation you will be useless. No man can have result unless he is willing to change and embrace and live by the principles lay out in the word of God. The ability to accept the truth and change is maturity. maturity is not of age but understanding of the word of God. And nothing can be truer than the true. NO OUTDATED TRUTH!

Things that will make your marriage and family difference:

1. The word of God must be your guiding truth. marriage cannot stand without the word of God.
2. Value the word of God most and you will never have a problem. For where there is God, there everything is good.
3. Live the word by applying His teachings in your marriage and you will then have a blissful marriage you desire.
4. Love and respect each other and make devotion and praying together a priority in your home. 
5. Never see each other as an enemy but the devil as your common enemy.
6. A man's acceptance of his role as protector is the true measure of his manhood in his home.
7. Set peace of mind as your highest goal and organize your entire life around it .

WOMANHOOD!

Woman is a crown of God's creation. The epitome of beauty, splendid of excellence, the glory of man. She was created to meet man's insufficiency. Her characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile to provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. The woman supports man just as the rib cage supports the body.”

In 1 Peter 3:7, Woman  is called the “weaker” vessel, it does not imply moral or intellectual inferiority but recognizing the woman’s physical limitations. A women need protection from the men because if  left unprotected they become vulnerable to attack, abuse, and financial disaster. A man who honors his wife as a member of the weaker sex will protect, respect, help, and stay with her. He will not expect her to work full-time outside the home and full-time at home; he will lighten her load wherever he can. He will be sensitive to her needs, and he will relate to her with courtesy, consideration, insight, and tact.

Also a woman is a master in the art of appeal. She does it so well, that her appeal got Adam to eat what he was not supposed to eat. Till this day, many women still use that appeal grace to get the wrong things done. Why do you think God would tell the prophet in Jeremiah 9:17-18 to bring the wailing woman forward in prayer? He knows what He put in her to make her get things done. She even knows how to appeal to God in prayer by wailing!

The role of a woman is so crucial to the purpose of God that Satan spends more time plotting his attack against her than the man. His biggest goal is to try and separate the woman from the man, physically and spiritually. When Satan spoke to the woman in the garden, it was with the intention of separating her from the word of God, the purpose of God, her family and her man. 

The present day independent woman phenomenon is a sophisticated packaging of the old trick of the serpent. To separate the woman from the man is part of the grand plan to separate the woman from her covenant of motherhood with God. It is not to be taken lightly; we should not be joining the women who lack understanding to sing the song made popular by Destiny’s Child, Independent Woman. The song is the sound track of a satanic agenda to further breakdown what God joined together from the beginning. God so joined them together that the woman was brought out of the man by a rib. The same way Satan tries to separate the woman from the man is the same way he tries to separate the church, the bride of Christ, from her spiritual husband Christ Jesus.

In 1 Corinthians 11:7, woman is described as "the glory of man." Meaning man was made to manifest God's authority; woman was made to manifest man's authority. Man in a sense shines with the direct light of God. While woman shines with the derived light from man. Man is the image and glory of God. Woman is also the image of God, but she is the glory of man. God created man out of the dust to reflect His glory. And He also made a woman out of the side of man to be a helper to man and to radiate the man's glory. But as far as saving grace goes, as far as sanctifying grace goes, a woman comes as deeply in the communion with God as a man. She is made equally in the image of God and that image is equally restored through faith in Jesus Christ. She is as much capable of being like Jesus as any man is capable of it. She is capable of an eternal reward like any man would be in the spiritual realm, but in the human realm, she bears a position under the authority of man, therefore she reflects the glory of man who reflects the glory of God in looking at the sovereign responsibility of man.

A woman is designed to nurture, enhance and multiply anything you give to her, That is why when you give a woman an idea, she will give you a plan. You give her a house, she will give you a home. You give her a sperm, she will give you a child. And if you give her trouble she will give you hell, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over she will cause you to see fire. You love her and she will make you to be the man you are destined to be. A WOMAN ONLY GIVES BIRTH TO WHAT A MAN PUTS IN HER WOMB! 

IS MARRIAGE TO BE ENJOYED OR ENDURED?

I believe marriage should be enjoyed and not endured. First, what is marriage? If you cannot define what marriage is from God's own point of view, you will never enjoy but endure it. A lot of women are stuck in a loveless marriage today simply because the society expects them to endure it no matter what they may be going through. But is it what God wants for us? The woman is often told not to abandon her home because she is the one that is responsible to make the marriage a success. A friend was once advised to be like a shock absorber for her home. The gentleman offering this counsel forgot that even shock absorber wears out and sometimes needs a replacement. In our society today especially in Nigeria, a woman is often blamed for whatever goes wrong in her marriage or even a relationship. She is often admonished to be patient and not allow another woman to replace her. She may be ostracized if she decides to walk out of a loveless marriage.  And Proverbs 14:1 is always quoted to buttress their point. It says “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. This passage of the scripture has been misunderstood to be that what makes a woman wise is her ability to take care of the home, cook good food for the husband as good food is the way to the man’s heart, keep the house clean, look good for the man, submit to him and raise the children. All this in itself are good but is not what makes a woman wise. There are women who perform all these responsibilities but there is no peace at home.  Let’s us look at this scenario of an Architect and a Builder. The architect who is a building designer, designs a house brings in a builder to build the house according to his design.  While the builder is building, he is there supervising and giving his moral support and corrections as well to ensure the house is built according to his specification. At the end, both of them team up to build a solid and a strong house.  Here the architect is the husband, the wife is the builder and the house is the man’s vision. What makes the woman wise is her ability to build upon the man’s vision that was given to her by him and with his support and the fear of God; they build a strong and lasting house. She wouldn't have done it better without the help of the man.  The intrinsic thing here is that both of them stood and weathered the storms of life together. Most men that marry do not have a vision for their wives to build on and when problems erupt the women are always to be blamed.  The foolish woman is the woman who works against the vision of the man. The man’s vision is the boaster of his destiny.

Meanwhile, the man is made to believe that he can do and undo; the lord and master of the woman. Unfortunately, it is equally the woman who has created the monster who has become the bane of our lives. The woman has being informed right from childhood that she has being created to serve the men folk and often reminded at every given opportunity that the man is her covering, her crown and without this covering; she will not amount to much. However, what kind of covering is a man who cannot meet the needs of his family? What kind of covering is an adulterous and lecherous husband giving his wife except that of a venereal disease? This misconception of what a woman is to the man is what is tearing marriages apart today. In Gen 2 :18 it says “and the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help mate for him” and (Gen 2 :22 – 24) says in vs. 22 “and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man” vs. 23 “And Adam said, this is now the bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.” Vs. 24 “therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to unto his wife as they shall be one flesh.” Vs. 18 says that it is not good for the man to be alone so for this reason God intended the union of a male and female to fulfill their need for companionship. God established marriage for companionship. In vs. 22, a woman was created from the rib of a man which indicate that the woman is a not taken out of the man’s head to be lorded over him, nor from his feet to be trampled on him, but from his side to be equal with him, from under his arm to be protected by him, and from near his heart to be loved by him.  But the men want the women behind them as they believe that that is the mark of respect as a result their ego will not be trampled upon. The man and the woman are partners together in a holy union with God. In vs. 24, God gave marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve. They were created perfect for each other. Marriage was not just for convenience nor was it brought about by any culture. It was instituted by God and has three (3) basic aspect

1)      The man leaves his parents and in public act, promises himself to his wife.

2)      The man and the woman are joined together by taking responsibility for each others.

3)      The two are united into one in the intimacy and commitment of sexual union that is reserved for marriage. This is the foundation for a strong marriage. 

I was once told of a woman who caught her husband in bed with her housemaid. She ran to her mother for succor and she was promptly bundled back to her husband with the clear instruction to go and sleep with her husband because according to her mother, “she must have failed in her marital duties” When the case got to her mother-in-law, the poor wife was advised to carry her cross since the lecherous behavior was hereditary. Her father-in-law behaved like that and so she had to live with it since her mother-in-law was able to manage the situation.

What should a woman do in this kind of situation? Follow her mother’s advice and simply go and have sex with her husband? Would that make her a happy and fulfilled wife? Would that change the husband and make him more responsible, respectful and less adulterous? Does it mean that the fact that the man defiled the matrimonial bed should be overlooked and he should be trusted?  As much as I don’t believe that the solution to every marital problem is divorce I equally do not subscribe to the fact that a man is simply excused of his bad behavior and shrugged off as part of being a man. Imagine if a woman was caught in the act? Will the mother advise the son to manage her because it is hereditary and should go home and have sizzling sex with his wife because he failed in his husband's duties? Oh no! The woman becomes the scorn of the society just because it is expected that she is better behaved than her husband. Churches condemn divorce vehemently and should not even been mentioned or contemplated at all among the Christian fold as God is against divorce. I want to be pragmatic here. It is clear that God did not intend for divorce to occur. And also nobody enters into marriage covenant with the intention to divorce later. Many factors combine to destroy marriage because we choose to live by the world standard instead of God’s standard.  Marriage was designed to be a life-long commitment. But we all know that it is not the case in our world today. Until we do it God’s way, we will not be totally free from divorce. This is quite a pity and unfortunate.

Christ is the only foundation of the church upon which marriage must be built. Eph 2:21 says “In Christ Jesus all the building are fitly framed together and grows unto a holy temple in the Lord.” Therefore, foundation is building boundaries around your life that will withstand the storms of life when it comes. No foundation no structure; having a godly married life your foundation should be right and be built on a solid rock (Jesus). You cannot build your foundation poorly and expect a successful marriage. You build better foundation by having a goal or vision. Greatness is always prepared for by laying a very good foundation. You don’t just stumble into greatness. Why didn't God create human with one hand? Why two hands? The reason is that with one hand no one can ever achieve anything meaningful in life. One hand always bring anguish, frustration and misery because whenever you want to use one hand to do something, you end up not achieving your goal. The two hands give you the balance, vigor and confidence needed to achieve anything you set out to do. Let us relate this to marriage. A successful marriage is something that two people involved must work very hard at building together. Marriage requires two people who desire to walk the same walk in life, and in the process build a successful relationship and family life. With one person only working hard to build the marriage will never achieve the desired goal. In a marriage setting two persons (man and woman) make a whole and not one person! There is nothing like, it takes a woman to make a marriage work. It takes both the man and woman to make it work or there is no marriage!

Finally, what can you do for your marriage? How can you increase your marital satisfaction and improve your relationship? The crucial thing is that you have to let go of expecting your spouse to change and work on yourself. Developing a better marriage begins with becoming a better spouse yourself! You can't change someone else. You can only change yourself. And trying to change your spouse will create tension in your relationship and actually discourage him or her from changing!

HOW TO COPE WITH DISAPPOINTMENT/BREAKUPS FROM A RELATIONSHIP!

We all know how it feels to have high hopes and then get disappointed. How painful it is too to lose hope in one second or in a single moment. How this relationship meant a lot to you. Disappointment/Breakups from a relationship can shake up one’s life. Your self-esteem can be affected too. It can be difficult to cope with the disappointment from a relationship ending. Your feelings of self-worth are put to the test at this time.  Disappointments/breakups in relationships/friendships are a part of life and moving past them is very important. However, there are some things you can do to keep your spirits up and get over the disappointment. But first;

1.    Do you know why you got disappointed in that relationship?

You got disappointed because you were confident, you got disappointed because you thought that you deserve what you were going after and you got disappointed because you had good expectations. In short, you got disappointed because you are strong! Just think about it, in case that you were one hundred percent sure that you won’t attract that person you were after then you won't have felt disappointed! Only confident people get disappointed in relationships.

2.    How to deal with relationship disappointment?

·         She/he is not the one: one of most popular myths (false believe) among people is believing that there is something called “the one”. If you had more than basic knowledge about the psychology of falling in love, you would have discovered that there is nothing called the one. And reversing your mindset about "the one concept" can help you recover from breakups in no time

• Attachment can delay your recovery: The more you keep yourself attached to your old partner (after the relationship is over) the more you will find it harder to get over relationship disappointment. People attach themselves to old relationships by living on hope, listening to music that reminds them of it and by going to the same places they used to go to together. Am not asking you to lose hope but am just asking you to make sure if there is any hope in returning back or not. If you found no hope then cut the attachment as soon as you can.
• Think of the future: What do you think the effect this event will have on you ten years later? Probably, it will be nothing!! It will become a memory with no associated emotions. Also know that as soon as you get rid of your attachment you will recover and become stronger and a wiser person than before. And in the future this event will only be a part of your experience database.
• See disappointment as a blessing: Sometimes God has a glorious purpose in permitting heartbreak. And we can find clues for this in scripture, for examples; a.That we may be shaped to the likeness of Christ (Rm 8: 29). b.That we may learn to trust (2 cor 1:8-9). c.That we may learn to obey (Psalm 119: 64,71). d.That we may bear fruit (Jn 15:2). That we may reach spiritual maturity (james 1:4)

3.     Reconnect with family and friends.

A romantic relationship sometimes causes the person in the relationship to neglect or give less time to family and friends, so now that your relationship has ended, it is the best time to reconnect with these people again. They can offer fun and a sympathetic ear. Don’t go through this alone. Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you need it.

4.     Do things to make yourself busy.

Sitting around thinking about the relationship and what went wrong only makes things worse.  Start exercising and commit yourself more in studying the word of God.  The word has a soothing and healing power to comfort the broken-hearted. Avoid using anything outside of the word of God to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. Make time each day to nurture yourself by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run.

5.     Pamper yourself.

If it's within your financial means, buy that thing you've had your eye on. Take yourself out for a treat. Show yourself a good time. A break up is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When you’re going through the emotional wringer, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The strain and upset of a major breakup can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable. But learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward. 

6.   Be positive.  

 If you want to make changes to your life- healthy, positive changes- then do them for your own sake and to bring glory to God. There are some verses in Habakkuk that are very apt for what God wants us to do in these circumstances.  ‘Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour.’ (Habakkuk 3:17-18). Takes your focus off yourself and give it to God by praising and worshiping Him. Do not be like the person illustrated in psalm 77 crying out in distress, feeling rejected and unloved but have this confident in Psalm 27:13-14 that says, “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Resolve to remember the deeds of the Lord and mediate on all His works.

7.   Self-esteem.

Self-esteem is on the thing you are going to address as well. I know you are feeling rejected and unloved following your breakup but don’t ever forget you are loved. God gave His Son for you and wants to spend eternity wit you – that is how much you are loved. Don’t base your worth on your ex’s view of you but rather base it on God’s view of you.

 a. You are a child of God (1 John 3:1).

b. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

c. You are a treasured possession (Exodus 19:5).

We are made in God’s image and there is hope in reaching your fullest potential with or without a ‘mate’.

Learning important lessons from a breakup

In times of emotional crisis, there is an opportunity to grow and learn. Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. Consider this period a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger.  In order to fully accept a breakup and move on, you need to understand what happened and acknowledging the part you played. It’s important to understand how the choices you made affected the relationship. Learning from your mistakes is the key to not repeating them.

Some questions to ask yourself:

a.     Step back and look at the big picture. How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?

b.     Do you tend to repeat the same mistakes or choose the wrong person in relationship after relationship?

c.      Think about how you react to stress and deal with conflict and insecurities. Could you act in a more constructive way?

d.     Consider whether or not you accept other people the way they are, not the way they could or “should” be.

e.     Examine your negative feelings as a starting point for change. Are you in control of your feelings, or are they in control of you?

Finally, you’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on.  In conclusion, things will always work out best for the people who know how to make best the way things turns out.