HOW TO COPE WITH DISAPPOINTMENT/BREAKUPS FROM A RELATIONSHIP!

We all know how it feels to have high hopes and then get disappointed. How painful it is too to lose hope in one second or in a single moment. How this relationship meant a lot to you. Disappointment/Breakups from a relationship can shake up one’s life. Your self-esteem can be affected too. It can be difficult to cope with the disappointment from a relationship ending. Your feelings of self-worth are put to the test at this time.  Disappointments/breakups in relationships/friendships are a part of life and moving past them is very important. However, there are some things you can do to keep your spirits up and get over the disappointment. But first;

1.    Do you know why you got disappointed in that relationship?

You got disappointed because you were confident, you got disappointed because you thought that you deserve what you were going after and you got disappointed because you had good expectations. In short, you got disappointed because you are strong! Just think about it, in case that you were one hundred percent sure that you won’t attract that person you were after then you won't have felt disappointed! Only confident people get disappointed in relationships.

2.    How to deal with relationship disappointment?

·         She/he is not the one: one of most popular myths (false believe) among people is believing that there is something called “the one”. If you had more than basic knowledge about the psychology of falling in love, you would have discovered that there is nothing called the one. And reversing your mindset about "the one concept" can help you recover from breakups in no time

• Attachment can delay your recovery: The more you keep yourself attached to your old partner (after the relationship is over) the more you will find it harder to get over relationship disappointment. People attach themselves to old relationships by living on hope, listening to music that reminds them of it and by going to the same places they used to go to together. Am not asking you to lose hope but am just asking you to make sure if there is any hope in returning back or not. If you found no hope then cut the attachment as soon as you can.
• Think of the future: What do you think the effect this event will have on you ten years later? Probably, it will be nothing!! It will become a memory with no associated emotions. Also know that as soon as you get rid of your attachment you will recover and become stronger and a wiser person than before. And in the future this event will only be a part of your experience database.
• See disappointment as a blessing: Sometimes God has a glorious purpose in permitting heartbreak. And we can find clues for this in scripture, for examples; a.That we may be shaped to the likeness of Christ (Rm 8: 29). b.That we may learn to trust (2 cor 1:8-9). c.That we may learn to obey (Psalm 119: 64,71). d.That we may bear fruit (Jn 15:2). That we may reach spiritual maturity (james 1:4)

3.     Reconnect with family and friends.

A romantic relationship sometimes causes the person in the relationship to neglect or give less time to family and friends, so now that your relationship has ended, it is the best time to reconnect with these people again. They can offer fun and a sympathetic ear. Don’t go through this alone. Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Consider joining a support group where you can talk to others in similar situations. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships, and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside help if you need it.

4.     Do things to make yourself busy.

Sitting around thinking about the relationship and what went wrong only makes things worse.  Start exercising and commit yourself more in studying the word of God.  The word has a soothing and healing power to comfort the broken-hearted. Avoid using anything outside of the word of God to relieve your feelings of pain and loneliness. Make time each day to nurture yourself by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run.

5.     Pamper yourself.

If it's within your financial means, buy that thing you've had your eye on. Take yourself out for a treat. Show yourself a good time. A break up is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When you’re going through the emotional wringer, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The strain and upset of a major breakup can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable. But learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward. 

6.   Be positive.  

 If you want to make changes to your life- healthy, positive changes- then do them for your own sake and to bring glory to God. There are some verses in Habakkuk that are very apt for what God wants us to do in these circumstances.  ‘Though the fig-tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour.’ (Habakkuk 3:17-18). Takes your focus off yourself and give it to God by praising and worshiping Him. Do not be like the person illustrated in psalm 77 crying out in distress, feeling rejected and unloved but have this confident in Psalm 27:13-14 that says, “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  Resolve to remember the deeds of the Lord and mediate on all His works.

7.   Self-esteem.

Self-esteem is on the thing you are going to address as well. I know you are feeling rejected and unloved following your breakup but don’t ever forget you are loved. God gave His Son for you and wants to spend eternity wit you – that is how much you are loved. Don’t base your worth on your ex’s view of you but rather base it on God’s view of you.

 a. You are a child of God (1 John 3:1).

b. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

c. You are a treasured possession (Exodus 19:5).

We are made in God’s image and there is hope in reaching your fullest potential with or without a ‘mate’.

Learning important lessons from a breakup

In times of emotional crisis, there is an opportunity to grow and learn. Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. Consider this period a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger.  In order to fully accept a breakup and move on, you need to understand what happened and acknowledging the part you played. It’s important to understand how the choices you made affected the relationship. Learning from your mistakes is the key to not repeating them.

Some questions to ask yourself:

a.     Step back and look at the big picture. How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?

b.     Do you tend to repeat the same mistakes or choose the wrong person in relationship after relationship?

c.      Think about how you react to stress and deal with conflict and insecurities. Could you act in a more constructive way?

d.     Consider whether or not you accept other people the way they are, not the way they could or “should” be.

e.     Examine your negative feelings as a starting point for change. Are you in control of your feelings, or are they in control of you?

Finally, you’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on.  In conclusion, things will always work out best for the people who know how to make best the way things turns out.