HOW TO OVERCOME SEXUAL ACTIVITIES BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!

1. Always get into a relationship with a God fearing person.


A person who does not fear God will always demand sex.people who do not fear God think that you can not have a relationship without sex.

2. Know that sex is not all that a relationship is all about.

Its very important that you see your relationship in the right way.Never allow the world to lie to you that you can't have a successful relationship without sex.

3. Know that your body is precious and its a temple of the Holy Spirit.


God dwells in you and he loves your body so you need to value it.

4. Avoid doing anything with your boyfriend that arouses your feelings.


Many people kiss,touch each other in their relationships and that has opened up a door for sex before marriage. If you want to avoid sex before marriage do away with all things that can arouse your feelings.

5. Avoid seeing each other in a private place with your boyfriend. 

Sex is difficult to avoid if you allow yourself to be alone with your boyfriend or your girlfriend in a private place.

6. Don't see each other in the evenings.


It's important to avoid evenings as time of seeing each other. The best time to see each other is in the morning and afternoon.

7. Avoid seeing each other more frequently.


It's good to meet and know each other as partners but its not wise to see each other so frequently as if you are already married.there is need to keep some distance somehow.

8. Keep your mind occupied


Sex originates from the mind. There can not be sex without the involvement of the mind. so to avoid sex fill your mind with the word of God. keep yourself busy and never entertain evil thoughts .

9. Play with good friends


If you keep a company of people who are sleeping around before marriage it will be easy for you to do the same. Surround yourself with people who live a holy life.

10. Be selective on what you watch or listen to.


Watching and listening to romantic and sexual stuff can lead you into unplanned sex. What you watch most can easily tempt you into doing it.

11. Know that a boy friend or girl friend who wants to sleep with you before marriage doesn't really love you.


A person who loves you will wait for the right time to have sex with you.

12. Have a mentor or a spiritual person to monitor your relationship.

There is need for good counsel in any relationship. You need a person who is mature enough to guide you to live a holy life.

13. If you are a lady make sure that whenever you go to see your boyfriend wear clothes that cover all your private parts. 

If you are a lady and you go to see your boyfriend wearing clothes that expose your breasts, legs etc there is a chance of tempting your man to have sex with you.

14. Try make your courtship period short.

Long courtships before marriage can lead to sex.The more you know each other the easier it becomes to have sex together.

15. Learn to pray together and read the word of God together with your partner.

A relationship where partners don't pray together opens much room for sexual activities.

16. Give yourself to prayer and fasting.

Another way to discipline our bodies is to pray and fast. If you fast often your body is put under subjection.

17. Formalize your relationship as early as you can.


It very important to make the relationship known to the parents, pastors. This brings some respect in your relationship.

18. Do not spend so much money with your partner before marriage


Its good to buy good things for your partner before marriage but if you spend too much money your partner can be tempted to give in to sex for over trusting you.

HABITS OF COUPLES THAT CREATE AND MAINTAIN A HEALTHY TWOSOME

There are habits of couples that create and maintain a happy and healthy relationship, and unfortunate, it does not happy overnight. For any relationship to grow strong and lasting, the couple need to put in some work because nothing works until it is worked out.

The habits that will create and maintain a happy and lasting healthy twosome are as follows:

* Communication: Communication is key that unlock most important qualities in keeping a healthy relationship. But unfortunately, not everyone knows how to communicate properly or communicate at all. They don't know how to talk to each other with love and honesty. They take themselves for granted. Happy and healthy couples communicate the good, vocalize their love for one another and compliments each other. They discuss the bad, instead of sweeping it under the carpet. So in order to move forward as a couple, both spouses need to be able to truly talk about everything, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it sounds, it will make for a long lasting and fulfilling relationship.

* Respect: In a relationship between consented adult, respect is earned, not demanded. Respecting your partner comes in many forms. Maintaining a joyful relationship means respecting your partner's time, heart, character and trust. There are many things couples do in relationship that can break down respect between them. They are name-calling, talking negatively about your spouse to friends or family, threatening to leave the marriage, saying something and doing the opposite, taking your partner for granted, secrecy, neglecting your responsibilities in the marriage etc. If you show respect for your spouse even when disagreeing, you keep the door open for returning to emotional intimacy.

*Quality Time, not Quantity: Healthy relationship is all about spending quality time together. It doesn't matter how much time you and your partner spend together, the most important part is about the quality of this time. Spending quality time together as a couple help to maintain a deep connection and bonding. It gives you the opportunity to understand each other likes and dislikes and to do that which makes your partner happy. It also helps you to revel in your spouse's best qualities and celebrate them.

*Time Apart: Just as spending quality time with your partner is important, spending time apart is equally important. Being able to do your own thing and remain independent is very vital. When couples spent too much time together, it can create an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. maintaining healthy boundaries and some autonomy will make for a long-lasting partnership. God puts in each person a gift and a talent which each need to accomplished here on earth. No one is create a stooge. Schedule time for yourself, to focus on your needs and take good care of yourself. You can't give when you are running on empty.

*Love languages: Men and women have love languages and have unique ways of feeling loved. These love languages are: words of affirmation, receiving gifts. quality time, acts of service and physical touch. So it is important to know that the love language speaks to you differs to the one that speaks to your partner. Telling each other and doing that which makes your partner feel loved and special and attending to it consistently helps both of you stay connected.

*Appreciation: Often, we forget to let our partner know that we appreciate them. We think it, but we don't remember to show it. Showing your spouse that you love them boost their ego. It could be done by words, acts of kindness, cards, gifts etc. Remember a word of affirmation keeps the relationship fights at bay, maybe not every day, but you get the point. Tomorrow is uncertain, the time to show your appreciation to the one you love and care for is NOW.

*Sex: Sex helps couples to cultivate a flourishing relationship. Sex is the more you have, the more you want it. The less you have it, the less you want it and the less you feel connected to your partner. Keep sex alive and spice it up continuously.

*No comparisons: There is a saying that grass is not always greener on the other side. But even if it is, it might not be the kind of grass you would even like. With other people's relationships, we tend to compare our relationships with other. But the happiest of couples don't look to see what the grass looks like on the other side, they are happy with the view out their own front door. Those who compare their relationship with others end up losing theirs in the process out of frustration. Couples in a healthy relationship are always contented with what they have, while trusting God for His lifting.

*Pick and choose you Battles: There are arguments to be had in every relationship. So it is very crucial to bring issues to the forefront and work through the hard times together.  Pick and choose your battle wisely because people in happy and healthy relationships do. A spouse who must win every argument has not figured out that battle are being won, but the marriage is being lost.

*Positive Vs. Negative: Nobody is perfect except God. Some times couples are caught up in the negative. It is vital that partners look at the positive qualities of their spouses and not the negative for a healthy relationship. So instead of focusing on the bad in the other, make it a conscious effort to look at the good side of your spouse. If you find yourself sliding into a negative mood, catch yourself and change the direction of your thought. Pray to God to take control of what you say or do and guard your lips and not let you drift towards evil. Talk to a friend that lift you up spiritual, listen to good uplifting music. We have power to change only ourselves but God changes others.

 

 

DESTRUCTIVE HABITS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES

ANOTHER DESTRUCTIVE HABITS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE:

1. NAGGING

Truth is we all nag about something; it only becomes excessive when you nag about everything. How to cope with a nagging spouse? LISTEN WHEN SHE TALKS: For many relationships, nagging occurs because your partner feels you ignore her feelings/concerns. Start by listening when she talks. Ask what she wants. Your spouse might be nagging about the dishes in the sink when she is really upset about something else. She might want you to take her out to dinner and the dishes are just how that complaint is manifesting itself. Share the chores: If your spouse is nagging about housework, she probably has a point. Does she do all the chores alone? Your spouse wants to be your partner not maid. She works too so complaining you worked all day devalues the fact that she did too. Provide constructive responses. Avoid telling her to stop nagging. Most women hate nagging as much as you hate them doing it. Instead of saying she nags. when talking together, setting goals/making promises, provide her with some constructive criticism. Say to her, “When you ask me to do something, I will do it but in my own time when you repeat yourself I feel that you don’t trust me.

2. ANGER:

 Anger on its own isn't destructive but what you do, how you react, is what makes it destructive. Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it? First what is anger? Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance which leads to explosive angry outbursts. Anger can have a useful purpose if listened to and leads to dialogue/constructive problem-solving. However, anger can either create more anger or withdrawal, both of which interfere with effective communications. .Unbridled and unpredictable tempers interfere with emotional safety and trust when spouses need to engage each other on emotional issues. The issues behind the anger get lost as angry response is perceived as unjust and unwarranted. It's intimidating and controlling. .Some women compare living with an angry husband to living near a volcano, which one lives constantly expecting something to go off. How do you help/deal with a spouse who has anger issues? More than anything, your husband needs to know that you’re on his side, that you’re not against him. You need to communicate, more than you probably think necessary, that you accept and love him, even with his angry issues. Separate the actions from the man; affirm the man. Make him know that you’re satisfied with him and willing to walk him through. Appreciate him and don't nag him. It’s estimated that upwards of 90 percent of men today are angry in their jobs to some degree. Most of them feel fortunate to be working, but not satisfied feeling less masculine because they are not in control of their lives. Be a wellspring of appreciation for work that he does and the living he provides, you will lift some of the pressure from his life. Find many ways to say, “I appreciate that you work hard at your job and that you hang in there even when it’s frustrating and tough. Also pray for your spouse, constantly and continually keep them in prayers soon your prayer will catch up on their behavior.

3.HABIT:

Habit is a routine of behavior repeated regularly and tends to occur unconsciously, something done often in a regular/repeated way. Please note unconsciously, until it is done repeatedly, it doesn't qualify as a habit. Relationships/marriages answers to what you put in. The quality of your relationship/marriage is a product "investment" into it. If you complain that your spouse is nasty, and you choose to INVEST nastiness in return, you'll get the nastiness in folds. Destructive Habit - #Domineering attitude. This type of person tends to be overbearing, controlling, likes to Lord over the other. This behavior often creeps unnoticed into a relationship, as initially it can appear to be caring and romantic. For instance, a controlling man/woman may choose something from a menu for their partner which could be seen as a romantic gesture. However, if someone always insists on choosing, whether their partner likes the choice or not, this is no longer healthy. Living with a dominating spouse can be frustrating. Especially when you love the person and separation is NEVER an option. A spouse who loves to "lord" your life is insecured. This behavior can often turn abusive and troublesome as time flows. Wife says to Husband. Honey can we go by 4 pm? Husband replies Why? for what? No we go at 3! This attitude destroys relationship. This attitude makes your partner withdrawn and often bitter. They feel that they don't have a say in the relationship. How do you cope if you have a domineering spouse? Key factor is Patience. Patience is a key to a balanced relationship.This means being able to keep your cool in tense situations and maintaining a courteous behavior towards your domineering partner. Showing your spouse this calm behavior has also a great chance of influencing your partner. NEVER fight back or be domineering in return because your conflicts will only get worse if this happens. A domineering behavior can make the other spouse feel unhappy, inferior. In this case, communication is very important. Let your partner know how you feel about his attitude towards you and in your relationship spell it out subtly and calmly. Make him or her realize that you are a team and not one is or should be powerful over the other and assure them of your support. A team means working together to achieve goals and not competing against each other. At the same time the domineering partner should endeavor to work on his or her domineering attitude because we are still human and there is a limit one can endure.
 4. DISHONESTY
 Dishonesty in relationships/marriages strangle compatibility. It destroys credibility. It shows disrespect. It violates trust and trust is a critical requirement for any relationship. It is one of the common reasons for breakups/separations. When lies is part of the relationship, there is little hope of making successful adjustments to each other and as a result tears couples apart. You must be honest about your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future. In fact some people feel "justified" lying. Dishonesty is a bad thing, there is no question about it. It is not just enough to desire a great marriage, we must work towards it. Anything that works is worked at.

MAKING RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES WORK!!!

Marriages and relationships are based on the law of input and output, you put in small, you get small! You put in a lot,you get a lot. You put in trouble, you get trouble! You put in love, you get love. You put in nothing, you get nothing! Most marriages and relationship fail because certain partners expect the other to meet their needs, while they enjoy life! For marriages and relationships to be at the best, you must put in your best! One key feature of great marriages and relationships is this: both parties are committed to putting in their very best. When you think ALL you need to do to have a better marriage/relationship is to get another partner, you are wrong! For marriage and relationships to work, you must make it your priority to make it work! Put in your best.

One major cause of marriage and relationship issues is selfishness! Selfishness is concern primarily with one's own interest,benefit and welfare regardless of others. When a partner is selfish, marriage/relationship can't work because continually he/she will put their interest ahead of the other. Love isn't selfish, when a partner is selfish it makes a monster of the partner. A selfish partner is primarily obsessed with what he/she will get. relationship is give and take. A selfish partner is hard to love/be vulnerable with because he/she will take advantage of it. Great relationships and marriages always think/talk WE and US, while a selfish partner always thinks I and ME. If you are not willing to share your life, you are not ready for true love. If you are not ready to sacrifice to make another happy, then you don't want a great relationship/marriage. The degree you are willing to adjust determines the degree of happiness to be enjoyed in your marriage/relationship.

Another key factor in making marriages/relationship work is PATIENCE. Every marriage/relationship has it's own cycle phase and seasons. Patience is what helps you at this time. Impatience has destroyed relationships, ruin homes and left many lonely forever. Impatience has made many make permanent REGRETTABLE decisions based on temporal circumstances. Patience helps you become tolerable of the others weakness as they work on them. Patience helps you endure during challenging times in hope of a better future. Patience is a very attractive quality in a man/woman, it gives you "staying power". Sometimes in every relationship, things go really bad and sour, only the patient ones get to see a turnaround. I just want to encourage the married people going through a tough time.Sometimes all you need is patience it will soon pass. Please note, patience is no excuse for abuse of any sort, most times abusive relationships are never ending cycles of sad stories. Prioritizing marital relationship success is the key to successful marriage and relationship.

WHAT I WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!

If I’d known these three things before I married, I would've been much better prepared.

When I was single, I regularly asked my married friends to share their advice on what it took to have a happy marriage. Almost every response was a variation of the same, foreboding theme: “Just remember this: Marriage is hard work.” That was it — no further explanation.

My friends made marriage sound so depressing, and I regularly went on rants about how their input annoyed me. I was looking to these people for inspiration, and it sounded like they were trying to talk me out of getting married.

Now that I've been married for five years, those conversations don’t seem so off-putting, because I finally understand why my friends felt compelled to rain on my parade: They knew me. They knew I was idealizing marriage, and they knew I was headed for major disappointment if I didn't figure out that marriage was going to challenge me in ways I wasn't prepared for.

But anyway, I wasn't listening to them. I was listening to my imagination, and it was telling me that I was different. I wasn't going to have to learn the hard way, because I had what it took to be a good husband from the get-go.

And then I got married.

If only I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would explain that marriage is not only hard work, it was going to be especially hard work for me. I’m fairly certain my old self would've tuned me out because I didn't express supreme confidence in his non-existent marital skills, but just in case he would've listened, this is what I would've said:

1. You are hard to live with.
I hate to break it to you, but you’re actually very hard to live with, and the reason you’re so unaware of it is because you've lived by yourself for most of your single life. So the only person you have to get along with is you. That’s easy.

You occasionally bump into difficult personalities, and you assume it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. If you actually lived with other people, you might begin to see that difficult relationships can’t always be the other person’s fault. It might have something to do with the fact that you’re both insensitive to the needs of those around you, and you’re hypersensitive to people who challenge you.

Here’s how that looks in your everyday life: You insist on having your way far more than you realize; you distance yourself from those who don’t appreciate you; and you take your 25-year-old opinions far more seriously than they ever deserved.

Well, I've got news for you: That lovely wife you've been daydreaming about isn't going to let you get away with this. She’s going to be a strong, self-respecting woman, and she’s going to share some of the feedback you've been missing out on while living alone. You will accuse her of being hyper-critical, rebuke her for being disrespectful, and resent her for noticing the truth. And for a while, that will successfully insulate you from the positive effects of her feedback.

The good news is that eventually, you’re going to turn a corner. In your first year of marriage, you’ll have the good sense to make friends with married mentors, talk to them frankly about your marriage, and ask for their feedback. And when those men tell you the painful truth that you've been hearing from your wife, you’ll feel shame at first. But with their support and your wife’s love, you’re actually going to begin the life-long process of embracing humility.

2. You’re kind of a chauvinist.
Let’s be frank: You think you’re above chores. You grew up around a saintly mother who did a lot of the household work without much help from you, and you felt proud of yourself if you even mowed the yard.

After several years of living in an apartment, you don’t even have to mow. And when it comes to domestic housework, you leave dishes in the sink, you don’t sweep the floor, you don’t make your bed, and the toilet, oh, my goodness — anyway, let’s just stop there.

Your laziness alone will cause a great deal of strife in your marriage. But what will really cause friction is what’s behind your laziness: that is, you don’t like to do woman’s work. Like, you’re sort of a chauvinist. Go on, admit it — you wouldn't mind at all if your wife spent an hour cooking a good meal and then let you read a book while she did the dishes. And the reason you wouldn't mind is because you associate sinks, mops, brooms, and vacuum cleaners with women.

Brother, listen to me: That is a problem, and it’s not just a problem because it belittles women. It’s a problem because it speaks volumes about the fact that deep down inside, you see your wife as your servant. But don’t worry — she’s going to pick up on that very quickly and insist that you treat her like an equal partner, not an employee. Unfortunately, you will resist mightily.

Back and forth the two of you will go until, one day, about two years into marriage, you’ll have a sponge in your hand, scrubbing the gristle out of the frying pan, and you’ll realize you’re doing it because it’s your job. It will also eventually occur to you that it’s not fair for you to work from a cozy office 45 hours a week, come home to a good meal, and then expect her to clean up everything after having a couple of toddlers hanging on her all day long.

The next thing you know, you’ll find yourself voluntarily sweeping multiple times a week and taking out the trash before it’s falling out of the can. That is, you’ll finally begin to see that you and your wife are there to serve each other until the job is done. And wonder of wonders, when that day comes, marriage will get easier, and you’ll discover that it’s actually a big turn-on when you’re helpful around the house.

3. You’re marrying a broken woman.
The single greatest thing that will make marriage hard work for you is letting go of your expectations of your wife. You've got a laundry list of qualities you want in her and — good news — she’s actually going to have many of those qualities. But she’s also going to bring faults and character issues to the marriage, and dealing with those will test the limits of your patience.

We don’t need to get into the specifics of what those flaws will be, because it doesn't matter. What matters is that you understand that you are far more broken than you realize, and you’re going to marry a woman who’s far more broken than she realizes.

I’m not going to lie: You’ll struggle from the get-go and wonder why marriage is so hard, but the good news is that there will be more to your marriage than struggling. You’ll travel together, pray for each other, comfort one another in sorrow, and make each other laugh. So don’t worry: You will like each other, despite your frustrations with each other.

And as for those frustrations, there’s even better news: You’ll both start taking them to Jesus, but He won’t let you get away with finger pointing. He’ll take those frustrations and use them to reveal the impatience, the pride, and the unforgiveness in your own hearts.

It won’t be pretty at first, but over time, you’ll begin to see that you’re the answer to each other’s prayers. And I’m not talking about your repeated prayers for a spouse. I’m talking about those times you asked the Lord to help you grow spiritually.

When the two of you prayed for that, I suspect He smiled and said, “You want to grow? Oh, you mean you want a spouse — hold on, help is on the way.”