HEAVENLY/MARITAL RACE

God created marriage in order to shape couples to become like Christ. Until that is your focus and goal in your marriage, the union is outside God's covering and protection. Heavenly race to eternity is personal but marital race on earth involves two people! Marriage is not the ultimate end of race to heaven but it is a means to it. As a single person you are running one race (heavenly race) but as married person, you are running two races (heavenly & marital). In all these races we need the help of the Holy Spirit to succeed. Why running this marital race many neglect their personal race to eternity which is most vital! Be careful, marriage cannot take you to heaven but your personal commitment and relationship with Christ. That is why marriage is an illustration of Christ and the church. When your relationship with Christ is intimate, it definitely will rob off on your marriage. DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF UR PERSONAL RACE IN YOUR MARITAL RACE!!! Your marital race can only take you to heaven if your personal relationship with Christ is fully reflected in it to the glory of God. His grace is sufficient! This is why You are not in your marriage to cheat your partner because each is in it running also a personal race to eternity. Whatever you do in your marriage you will personally give an account to God on that judgement day! Bear this in mind!

No matter the good sermon you hear and read about how to sustain a healthy relationship/marriage and with your own effort, until each spouse come to terms that he or she is in that relationship/marriage first to please God and second he/she is in a race to eternity and not just for the partner, with time the pressure and challenges that comes with marriage will tear them apart because the foundation is not rooted in Christ and the motive fall short of God's expectation. God and His word is the key of life and light to our path. In marriage you don't do what you do for your spouse, but for God who you will account to at the end of this life. And for you to get to this stage, you must make a conscientious effort to die to yourself daily and be alive to your inner spirit. Couples who are in the marriage for each other alone, get frustrated when their partner fall short of their expectation, which in turn make them to look somewhere else to get satisfaction. Couples in this category see each other as their enemy at a slightest provocation. They hardly study the word and pray together. But couples who are in the marriage with the mindset that they are on a journey, running a race to eternity and have their allegiance first to God, will do everything to live for God and fellowship with Him more closely, which in turn rob off on their marriage. No matter the challenges before them they will continue to look up to God in prayers for a radical transformation and betterment of their union and not engage in any extra curriculum and marital affairs elsewhere. Couples in this category are always conscious of their heavenly race. They see the devil as their common enemy and not each other. When there are issues, they use the word of God as a standard in resolving their differences. They set peace as a goal in their marriage and organize their life around it. At that judgement day, you will not tell God that your partner made you engage in extra-curriculum and marital affairs because of their behaviors and attitude, The Lord will say, "depart from me, you unfaithful servant". REMEMBER YOU ARE IN THAT MARRIAGE FIRST FOR GOD AND TO LIVE FOR HIM AND MAKE HEAVEN AT LAST, NOT FOR YOUR SPOUSE ALONE!

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO INVOLVE GOD IN CONNECTING TO YOUR LIFE PARTNER.

1. Everything done outside God is done in vain. Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the Lord builds a house,

the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good". Everything we do without involving God will be done in vain. God should be involved in everything that we do to be able to achieve good result to His own glory.

2.God knows the hidden things. He knows what we don't know. Hebrews 4:13 says, "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable".God knows everything and everyone He created. If you don't want to get it wrong, involve God in locating your life partner. There is nothing that a person hides that God can not see. You can hide things to people but not to God.

3.God sees what we don't see.1 Sam 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  As humans we can only see the outward beauty or handsomeness of a person but we can't see the heart. God can see the heart of a person and the heart of a person is more important than outward beauty.

4. God knows people's weaknesses and strengths. Psalm 73:26 says, My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. Everyone has got some weaknesses and some strengths.God knows us better. God knows the person who will accept you for who you are. A person who will celebrate your strengths and help you overcome your weaknesses.

5. God knows you more than you know yourself. Psalm 139:1-6 says,  O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2 You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. 3 You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. 4 You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. 5 You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand". God created us,He knows us better than we know ourselves therefore He knows what we deserve more than we know ourselves. His wisdom and insight transcend the laws of human nature. He knows the best for you because He knows the beginning and the end of every man.

6. God knows our future. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope". God knows what is ahead of us. Most of the people who look good for you today might not be good for you in future. People have the ability to pretend.They can look good today but not in the future. God is able to locate for you someone who will be good for you today and in your future.

7. God knows your assignment on earth. Proverbs 16:9 says, The heart of man plans his way, but the purpose of God will prevail". God knows each one of us and what we were meant to accomplish in this life. God knows the person who will be able to help you maximize your God given potential.

8. God does not make mistakes. Ecclesiastes 3:14 says, "And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him".  Also James 1:17 says, "Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens.* He never changes or casts a shifting shadow"
People make mistakes in life but God is perfect. Whatever He does is permanent! He does not make any mistakes. Whatever He says it's good for you will surely be good to you. If you involve God in connecting to your life partner you will never regret.

9.God loves you. Jeremiah 31:3 says, "Long ago the Lord said to Israel: I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself".

God loves us and has reconciled us yo Himself by the power of His Spirit. He has the best in store for everyone who loves Him in sincerity and in truth. Because of the great love God has for us He will never give us what is not good for us. 

HOW TO OVERCOME SEXUAL ACTIVITIES BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!

1. Always get into a relationship with a God fearing person.


A person who does not fear God will always demand sex.people who do not fear God think that you can not have a relationship without sex.

2. Know that sex is not all that a relationship is all about.

Its very important that you see your relationship in the right way.Never allow the world to lie to you that you can't have a successful relationship without sex.

3. Know that your body is precious and its a temple of the Holy Spirit.


God dwells in you and he loves your body so you need to value it.

4. Avoid doing anything with your boyfriend that arouses your feelings.


Many people kiss,touch each other in their relationships and that has opened up a door for sex before marriage. If you want to avoid sex before marriage do away with all things that can arouse your feelings.

5. Avoid seeing each other in a private place with your boyfriend. 

Sex is difficult to avoid if you allow yourself to be alone with your boyfriend or your girlfriend in a private place.

6. Don't see each other in the evenings.


It's important to avoid evenings as time of seeing each other. The best time to see each other is in the morning and afternoon.

7. Avoid seeing each other more frequently.


It's good to meet and know each other as partners but its not wise to see each other so frequently as if you are already married.there is need to keep some distance somehow.

8. Keep your mind occupied


Sex originates from the mind. There can not be sex without the involvement of the mind. so to avoid sex fill your mind with the word of God. keep yourself busy and never entertain evil thoughts .

9. Play with good friends


If you keep a company of people who are sleeping around before marriage it will be easy for you to do the same. Surround yourself with people who live a holy life.

10. Be selective on what you watch or listen to.


Watching and listening to romantic and sexual stuff can lead you into unplanned sex. What you watch most can easily tempt you into doing it.

11. Know that a boy friend or girl friend who wants to sleep with you before marriage doesn't really love you.


A person who loves you will wait for the right time to have sex with you.

12. Have a mentor or a spiritual person to monitor your relationship.

There is need for good counsel in any relationship. You need a person who is mature enough to guide you to live a holy life.

13. If you are a lady make sure that whenever you go to see your boyfriend wear clothes that cover all your private parts. 

If you are a lady and you go to see your boyfriend wearing clothes that expose your breasts, legs etc there is a chance of tempting your man to have sex with you.

14. Try make your courtship period short.

Long courtships before marriage can lead to sex.The more you know each other the easier it becomes to have sex together.

15. Learn to pray together and read the word of God together with your partner.

A relationship where partners don't pray together opens much room for sexual activities.

16. Give yourself to prayer and fasting.

Another way to discipline our bodies is to pray and fast. If you fast often your body is put under subjection.

17. Formalize your relationship as early as you can.


It very important to make the relationship known to the parents, pastors. This brings some respect in your relationship.

18. Do not spend so much money with your partner before marriage


Its good to buy good things for your partner before marriage but if you spend too much money your partner can be tempted to give in to sex for over trusting you.

HABITS OF COUPLES THAT CREATE AND MAINTAIN A HEALTHY TWOSOME

There are habits of couples that create and maintain a happy and healthy relationship, and unfortunate, it does not happy overnight. For any relationship to grow strong and lasting, the couple need to put in some work because nothing works until it is worked out.

The habits that will create and maintain a happy and lasting healthy twosome are as follows:

* Communication: Communication is key that unlock most important qualities in keeping a healthy relationship. But unfortunately, not everyone knows how to communicate properly or communicate at all. They don't know how to talk to each other with love and honesty. They take themselves for granted. Happy and healthy couples communicate the good, vocalize their love for one another and compliments each other. They discuss the bad, instead of sweeping it under the carpet. So in order to move forward as a couple, both spouses need to be able to truly talk about everything, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it sounds, it will make for a long lasting and fulfilling relationship.

* Respect: In a relationship between consented adult, respect is earned, not demanded. Respecting your partner comes in many forms. Maintaining a joyful relationship means respecting your partner's time, heart, character and trust. There are many things couples do in relationship that can break down respect between them. They are name-calling, talking negatively about your spouse to friends or family, threatening to leave the marriage, saying something and doing the opposite, taking your partner for granted, secrecy, neglecting your responsibilities in the marriage etc. If you show respect for your spouse even when disagreeing, you keep the door open for returning to emotional intimacy.

*Quality Time, not Quantity: Healthy relationship is all about spending quality time together. It doesn't matter how much time you and your partner spend together, the most important part is about the quality of this time. Spending quality time together as a couple help to maintain a deep connection and bonding. It gives you the opportunity to understand each other likes and dislikes and to do that which makes your partner happy. It also helps you to revel in your spouse's best qualities and celebrate them.

*Time Apart: Just as spending quality time with your partner is important, spending time apart is equally important. Being able to do your own thing and remain independent is very vital. When couples spent too much time together, it can create an unhealthy co-dependent relationship. maintaining healthy boundaries and some autonomy will make for a long-lasting partnership. God puts in each person a gift and a talent which each need to accomplished here on earth. No one is create a stooge. Schedule time for yourself, to focus on your needs and take good care of yourself. You can't give when you are running on empty.

*Love languages: Men and women have love languages and have unique ways of feeling loved. These love languages are: words of affirmation, receiving gifts. quality time, acts of service and physical touch. So it is important to know that the love language speaks to you differs to the one that speaks to your partner. Telling each other and doing that which makes your partner feel loved and special and attending to it consistently helps both of you stay connected.

*Appreciation: Often, we forget to let our partner know that we appreciate them. We think it, but we don't remember to show it. Showing your spouse that you love them boost their ego. It could be done by words, acts of kindness, cards, gifts etc. Remember a word of affirmation keeps the relationship fights at bay, maybe not every day, but you get the point. Tomorrow is uncertain, the time to show your appreciation to the one you love and care for is NOW.

*Sex: Sex helps couples to cultivate a flourishing relationship. Sex is the more you have, the more you want it. The less you have it, the less you want it and the less you feel connected to your partner. Keep sex alive and spice it up continuously.

*No comparisons: There is a saying that grass is not always greener on the other side. But even if it is, it might not be the kind of grass you would even like. With other people's relationships, we tend to compare our relationships with other. But the happiest of couples don't look to see what the grass looks like on the other side, they are happy with the view out their own front door. Those who compare their relationship with others end up losing theirs in the process out of frustration. Couples in a healthy relationship are always contented with what they have, while trusting God for His lifting.

*Pick and choose you Battles: There are arguments to be had in every relationship. So it is very crucial to bring issues to the forefront and work through the hard times together.  Pick and choose your battle wisely because people in happy and healthy relationships do. A spouse who must win every argument has not figured out that battle are being won, but the marriage is being lost.

*Positive Vs. Negative: Nobody is perfect except God. Some times couples are caught up in the negative. It is vital that partners look at the positive qualities of their spouses and not the negative for a healthy relationship. So instead of focusing on the bad in the other, make it a conscious effort to look at the good side of your spouse. If you find yourself sliding into a negative mood, catch yourself and change the direction of your thought. Pray to God to take control of what you say or do and guard your lips and not let you drift towards evil. Talk to a friend that lift you up spiritual, listen to good uplifting music. We have power to change only ourselves but God changes others.

 

 

DESTRUCTIVE HABITS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES

ANOTHER DESTRUCTIVE HABITS IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE:

1. NAGGING

Truth is we all nag about something; it only becomes excessive when you nag about everything. How to cope with a nagging spouse? LISTEN WHEN SHE TALKS: For many relationships, nagging occurs because your partner feels you ignore her feelings/concerns. Start by listening when she talks. Ask what she wants. Your spouse might be nagging about the dishes in the sink when she is really upset about something else. She might want you to take her out to dinner and the dishes are just how that complaint is manifesting itself. Share the chores: If your spouse is nagging about housework, she probably has a point. Does she do all the chores alone? Your spouse wants to be your partner not maid. She works too so complaining you worked all day devalues the fact that she did too. Provide constructive responses. Avoid telling her to stop nagging. Most women hate nagging as much as you hate them doing it. Instead of saying she nags. when talking together, setting goals/making promises, provide her with some constructive criticism. Say to her, “When you ask me to do something, I will do it but in my own time when you repeat yourself I feel that you don’t trust me.

2. ANGER:

 Anger on its own isn't destructive but what you do, how you react, is what makes it destructive. Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what’s the best way to handle it? First what is anger? Anger is an emotion often characterized by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance which leads to explosive angry outbursts. Anger can have a useful purpose if listened to and leads to dialogue/constructive problem-solving. However, anger can either create more anger or withdrawal, both of which interfere with effective communications. .Unbridled and unpredictable tempers interfere with emotional safety and trust when spouses need to engage each other on emotional issues. The issues behind the anger get lost as angry response is perceived as unjust and unwarranted. It's intimidating and controlling. .Some women compare living with an angry husband to living near a volcano, which one lives constantly expecting something to go off. How do you help/deal with a spouse who has anger issues? More than anything, your husband needs to know that you’re on his side, that you’re not against him. You need to communicate, more than you probably think necessary, that you accept and love him, even with his angry issues. Separate the actions from the man; affirm the man. Make him know that you’re satisfied with him and willing to walk him through. Appreciate him and don't nag him. It’s estimated that upwards of 90 percent of men today are angry in their jobs to some degree. Most of them feel fortunate to be working, but not satisfied feeling less masculine because they are not in control of their lives. Be a wellspring of appreciation for work that he does and the living he provides, you will lift some of the pressure from his life. Find many ways to say, “I appreciate that you work hard at your job and that you hang in there even when it’s frustrating and tough. Also pray for your spouse, constantly and continually keep them in prayers soon your prayer will catch up on their behavior.

3.HABIT:

Habit is a routine of behavior repeated regularly and tends to occur unconsciously, something done often in a regular/repeated way. Please note unconsciously, until it is done repeatedly, it doesn't qualify as a habit. Relationships/marriages answers to what you put in. The quality of your relationship/marriage is a product "investment" into it. If you complain that your spouse is nasty, and you choose to INVEST nastiness in return, you'll get the nastiness in folds. Destructive Habit - #Domineering attitude. This type of person tends to be overbearing, controlling, likes to Lord over the other. This behavior often creeps unnoticed into a relationship, as initially it can appear to be caring and romantic. For instance, a controlling man/woman may choose something from a menu for their partner which could be seen as a romantic gesture. However, if someone always insists on choosing, whether their partner likes the choice or not, this is no longer healthy. Living with a dominating spouse can be frustrating. Especially when you love the person and separation is NEVER an option. A spouse who loves to "lord" your life is insecured. This behavior can often turn abusive and troublesome as time flows. Wife says to Husband. Honey can we go by 4 pm? Husband replies Why? for what? No we go at 3! This attitude destroys relationship. This attitude makes your partner withdrawn and often bitter. They feel that they don't have a say in the relationship. How do you cope if you have a domineering spouse? Key factor is Patience. Patience is a key to a balanced relationship.This means being able to keep your cool in tense situations and maintaining a courteous behavior towards your domineering partner. Showing your spouse this calm behavior has also a great chance of influencing your partner. NEVER fight back or be domineering in return because your conflicts will only get worse if this happens. A domineering behavior can make the other spouse feel unhappy, inferior. In this case, communication is very important. Let your partner know how you feel about his attitude towards you and in your relationship spell it out subtly and calmly. Make him or her realize that you are a team and not one is or should be powerful over the other and assure them of your support. A team means working together to achieve goals and not competing against each other. At the same time the domineering partner should endeavor to work on his or her domineering attitude because we are still human and there is a limit one can endure.
 4. DISHONESTY
 Dishonesty in relationships/marriages strangle compatibility. It destroys credibility. It shows disrespect. It violates trust and trust is a critical requirement for any relationship. It is one of the common reasons for breakups/separations. When lies is part of the relationship, there is little hope of making successful adjustments to each other and as a result tears couples apart. You must be honest about your thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future. In fact some people feel "justified" lying. Dishonesty is a bad thing, there is no question about it. It is not just enough to desire a great marriage, we must work towards it. Anything that works is worked at.