FORGIVENESS

We always talk about forgiveness as a key ingredient in long lasting marriage relationship. But we forgot that a key ingredient in the forgiveness process is a sincere apology. In order for the forgiveness process to be meaningful, the person apologizing for his/her transgression must realize that when you apologize, when you say “I’m sorry” and really mean it, you are implying the following; I will work to change my behavior…I may not be perfect, but I will be mindful of how I hurt you and adjust my actions accordingly. 

An apology without a change in behavior at some point becomes meaningless, and the potential fallout is that over time your words and promises will be seen as hollow and you will be perceived as insincere and hypocritical. When our words stop mattering to our loved ones, when our words cannot be counted on, a betrayal of trust has occurred and the very foundation of the relationship is seriously compromised. So be mindful when you apologize, mindful of the responsibility that comes with your “I’m sorry.” Your words have significant power to influence and impact your partner but this power exists only when followed by behaviors and actions that support the underlying meaning of what you are vocalizing. No relationship will last if there is no trust. Partners can build trust to each other through time. It isn’t earned overtime and the only way for the marriage to endure if the couples are truthful and responsible.

A baby heart grown adults in a marriage is what every couple needs for sustenance of unity in a marriage relationship, but it does not ignore the fact that someone is being hurt but it becomes easy to forgive and forget and keep loving the person when the wrong done is realized and a sincere apology made. This is achievable when the Holy Spirit is at work in the heart of the couple.

Loving someone means having the courage to say you are sorry when your actions have hurt them and having faith in the strength of your relationship to handle the ensuing conflict. It also means having the grace to accept the apology of your partner and move on. These two steps of forgiveness open the door to effective communication to determine the actions you both will take to set things right and move forward into a stronger relationship.

 Loving your spouse is all about forgiveness, compassion, sacrifice, commitment, respect, encouragement, submission, etc. When you act on these things called love in your marriage, through your behaviors toward each other, this is how a husband loves his wife and a wife her husband; it is the fruit of the Spirit of Christ. What an awesome gift we have been blessed with! Be accountable to God and to your spouse in the marriage and start taking responsibility.

PROVERBS 31:10-31 AS APPLY TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN!!!

The word "WOMAN" in proverbs 31 verse 10 does not apply to wives as there are women that are not married and the verse did not say, who can find a virtuous wife? The Bible said that we are the bride of Christ (man/woman) and Christ our husband. So the scripture is referring to the man and the woman here as "WOMAN". It portrays our relationship with Christ and how we should relate to one another.

To show how Proverbs 31:10-31 would read if it were applied to men and their relationship with the Lord.

FOR THE MAN!

Who can find a virtuous man? for his price [is] far above rubies.

The heart of the Lord doth safely trust in him, so that the Lord shall have no need to intercede.

He will do good for the Lord and not evil all the days of his life.

He seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with his hands.

He is like the merchants' ships; he bringeth his food from afar.

He riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to his household, and a portion to his employees.

He considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of his hands he planteth a vineyard.

He girdeth his loins with strength, and strengtheneth his arms.

He perceiveth that his merchandise [is] good: his candle goeth not out by night.

He layeth his hands to the spindle, and his hands hold the distaff.

He stretcheth his hand to the poor; yea, he reacheth forth his hands to the needy.

He is not afraid of the snow for his household: for his household are clothed with scarlet.

He maketh himself coverings of tapestry; his clothing is silk and purple.

His Lord is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

FOR THE WOMAN!
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise [is] good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing [is] silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth [it]; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

He stretcheth out his hand to the poor; yea, he reacheth forth his hands to the needy.

He is not afraid of the snow for his household: for all his household [are] clothed with scarlet.

He maketh himself coverings of tapestry; his clothing [is] silk and purple.

The Lord is known in the gates, and has a place of honor when the elders of the land meet. (because of the virtuous man's good reputation)

He maketh fine linen, and selleth [it]; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour [are] his clothing; and he shall rejoice in time to come.

He openeth his mouth with wisdom; and in his tongue [is] the law of kindness.

He looketh well to the ways of his household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

His children arise up, and call him blessed; the Lord [also], and He praiseth him.

Many believers have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a man [that] feareth the LORD, he shall be praised.

Give him of the fruit of his hands; and let his own works bring praises to the Lord in the gates of the City.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE

Marriage is the celebration of daily commitment between a husband and wife. Marriage is the decision to commit yourself to your spouse alone.Once infidelity sets in, the purpose for that marriage is defeated.


Marriage is not an end in itself, it is a means to an end. As man is created in God's image, marriage is created in the image of Christ and the church. Therefore as man is required to imitate God (in being holy and living for His glory), marriage is to imitate the relationship between Christ and the church, with the husband imitating Christ (the sacrificial servant-leader) and the wife imitating the church (joyfully submitting to the sacrificial servant-leader).


The basis of true love in a marriage is commitment to God and your spouse alone. Nothing is more vital in a marriage than encouraging and appreciating your spouse. Be sure to tell your spouse, 'I love you' every day and show that love by your actions. It heals a lot of wounds. Communicating love and expressing admiration in both words and actions can enhance every marriage.


Why did God make men and women so unbelievably different? The main reason is so that we would have to depend on Him. God wants to be at the center of every marriage, so He made the relationship so difficult that we have to keep Him there to make it work. That's just like God, isn't it? He makes sure that He is the answer to all of life's problems. No two people can make marriage work by themselves. Without God's presence and power in your marriage, these are the things that will likely happen - you can stay together and limp along without God. Lots of couples—Christians and non-Christians—do that. It might be a decent marriage, a stable marriage. Nobody's going to leave. You're staying together—not because you're passionately in love, but out of obligation—because it's the right thing to do or because you have children and you don't want to break up the family. 

Of course, staying together is the right thing to do. But it is not the right thing to stay together like that. If you do, you're settling for far less what God wants for your marriage and that is not what he has in mind for you. God wants marriage to be a glorious, passionate, deeply, intimate, sacred and magnificent love relationship. He wants us to connect in communication, to be best of friends, to meet each other's need, to have fun and to glorify Him in our love. 

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 is the most beautiful and moving descriptions of love ever written. You better sit down and read the passage because it might knock you off your feet. God wants you to experience it in your relationship and He will give it to you if you will give him the chance to demonstrate it through you.
                 6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
                         like a seal on your arm.
                         For love is as strong as death,
                         its jealousy* as enduring as the grave.*
                         Love flashes like fire,
                         the brightest kind of flame.
               7 Many waters cannot quench love,
                         nor can rivers drown it.
                         If a man tried to buy love
                         with all his wealth,
                         his offer would be utterly scorned.

COUPLE BECOMING "ONE FRESH"

In genesis 2:24, God says: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh". 

One flesh is a complete coming together of a man and a woman in three areas: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is spiritual intimacy that drives the "one flesh" relationship in a marriage. Spiritual intimacy is how you tap into the word of God and put it to work in your marriage. To love each other with God's love, you must be connected to Him as a couple. You must join spiritually. The secret to breathing new life into a dead love is becoming one flesh, spiritually. Spiritual bonding is consistently placing God at the very center of your relationship and growing ever closer to Him as a couple. When couple spiritually bond, it is no longer the two of them that is doing the loving. it is God Himself doing the loving. When you are unable to love your partner anymore, and your marriage is falling apart, God steps in to do the loving. He will love your partner through you. If you have a non-Christian spouse, then your challenge is to follow I Peter 3:1-4 and model a vibrant, healthy Christian life. The closer you are to God, the more deeply and unconditionally you can love your partner. God's love, working through you, will make all the difference in your mate and in your marriage.  

Human love must always runs out 0f gas (die) - The first thing couple must understand when they get married is that the initial tankful of physical passion and emotional intimacy that fuels their marriage can only take you few years down the road. That's it. Every married couple's love dies. Every single one! Just like a car running out of gas, your tank will unexpectedly go dry, and you'll coast to a stop. There are millions of stalled marriages on the highway of life. Human love, powered by human strength, was never designed by God to carry marriages forty to fifty years. Only God can give you an intimate passionate and permanent love.

True love in a marriage is all about trust (having confidence and total reliance on the good virtues and ability of your partner), openness (being frank and honest to each other), transparency without secrecy (being transparent without keeping a secret from each other) and all that God represents ( inner joy, peace, love, faithfulness, goodness, patience). The understanding and determination to apply the above features daily is the beginning of wisdom to excel in your marriage against all odds.

Together couples stand in one single purpose which is to honour and glorify God but divided in this purpose they fall. May God instill in the heart of all the married a soul that is craving for Him and a heart that cling passionately to Him so that their marriages will bring glory, honour and joy to His name in Jesus name, Amen!.

GODLY PRINCIPLES FOR FINDING A LIFE PARTNER

Marriage is one of the most important choices you will ever have to make in your life. The choice you make will determine if you will have a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage. It will undoubtedly affect the lives, hopes, dreams and careers of your children if you were to have any.

A young girl came and asked me, “Sister, I have already fallen in love with a young boy, now how can I find God's will?” My immediate answer was, “You have fallen? Get up! Why did you fall?” In Christian marriage there is no such thing as “falling in love.” It has only the concept of “entering into a love relationship” in marriage to a man or a woman chosen by God. The Bible only says, “Husbands love your wives…” (Ephesians. 5:25), and not “Boys love your girlfriends” or vice versa.

Being single is an important time to prepare you for marriage. It can also be a time to experience a closer communion with God. As you seek God to cleanse you of the world and help you become the kind of wife or husband that would bless someone, you will soon find that you are not lonely. First, the Lord would begin using you to bless others; then you will find you are content in Him. Eventually, in God's plan and timing, He will bless you with a wonderful mate so that both lives can be a witness for Him.  Marriage is the second major choice you make in our lives, and you should never enter into it without much prayer. To rush into a marriage can be disastrous. The most important decision of your life, of course, is your decision to follow the Lord. This decision is not a one-time declaration, but a daily determination to follow Jesus above all. If you allow the emotional or souls realm to dominate your life you become more susceptible to the enemy leading you astray through someone. This area of the flesh should be brought under the Lord's subjection so that Satan does not get the advantage and consequently destroy your life and calling. Many have failed the Lord because they chose a man or woman over the Lord. THE WORSE LONELINESS ONE CAN EXPERIENCE IS NOT SINGLE BUT MARRIES SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT THE LORD.

Many singles make the mistake of putting their lives on hold until they marry and "get a real life." God can work through all believers who walk in obedience to him. Christians need to remember that marriage does not make a person whole, only accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour brings wholeness. Sadly though, many Christian singles feel pressured, even from other Christians, to seek a mate rather than to seek the will of God for their lives. We must dedicate our lives to serving the Lord and walking in obedience to Him - regardless of our marital state. Singles need to stop believing the "I am missing something" lie and accept the call to obey and serve God with their whole heart, mind, and strength. Marriage may or may not be a part of God's plan for you so it is time to live the life you have now and trust God for the rest.

When a man is looking for a woman to marry, he must seek those character and strengths in her that will help him make wise decision and not just physical attraction that will make him feel good before the world. Not everyone who looks good is pleasant to live with. Physical attractiveness without discretion will do more harm than good. Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain but husband and wife that fear the Lord shall be praised and is under the umbrella of God's protection and provision.

Marriage is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man. Proverbs19:14 say, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord-the Lord’s will, find a prudent one-one with discernment and self-control. This would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord.

How can you involve God in helping you find someone special? Follow in the footsteps of Abraham’s servant in his search for a wife for Isaac. He looked for someone who was spiritual and with a servant heart. Then he prays about it and asked God to bring him success in finding the right partner.

In finding someone to marry, the following must be taken into cognizance;

1.   Gen 24:17-22 says “Running over to her the servant said please give me a little drink of water from your jug. 18 Yes, my lord, she answered, “have a drink “and she quickly lowered her jug from her shoulder and gave him a drink.                                                                                                                                    19 When she had given a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels, too until they have had enough to drink. 20 so she quickly emptied her jug into the watering trough and ran back to the well to draw water for all his camels. 21 The servant watched her in silence wondering whether or not the lord had given him success in his mission. 22 Then at last when the camel had finished drinking, he took a golden ring for her nose and two large gold bracelets for her wrist.” (NLT)

Rebecca’s servant spirit was clearly demonstrated as she willingly and quickly drew water for Eliezer and his camels. The pots used for carrying water were large and heavy. It took a lot of water to satisfy a thirsty camel; up to 25 gallons per camel, after weeks of travel. Seeing Rebecca go to work, Eliezer knew this was a woman with a heart for doing far more than the bare minimum.

Finding someone who is honest, helpful and caring is quite hard to find these days but there are a lot of good people out there.

2.    

 L    Look for a Christian husband or wife that suits your temperament and personality. If you are a Christian do not marry a man or woman who is not a Christian.

Genesis 24:3-4 says “swear by the Lord the God of heaven and earth that you will not allow my son to marry one of these local Canaanite women. (4) Go instead to my home land to my relatives and find a wife there for my son Isaac.” (NLT)

Abraham wanted Isaac to marry within the family that is Christian community to avoid inter marriage with pagan neighbours. The Bible says can two walk together except they agree?

In the New Testament 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 says: don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?  (15) What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? (NLT)

For those who have discovered God’s light, there can be no fellowship or compromise with darkness. As followers of Christ we must give him our total allegiance.

We cannot have a part in the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons at the same time. You cannot follow Christ and the crowd (1 Corinthians 10:20-21). This may cause you big problem down the line. Trust God that He will show you who a good match would be. Likes are not always the perfect match; remember to keep an open mind. 

Genesis 24:7 says “for the Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and my native land. Solemnly promised to give this land t o my descendants. He will send his angle ahead of you, and he see to it that you find a wife there for my son”. (NLT)

When you put your trust in God He will always direct your path aright. God promised to lead us if we follow Him. Psalm 37:47.  Want to know where to find the right kind of partner? The Bible says you should be like a fisherman!!! When a fisherman wants to catch fish, he goes where the fishes are, the river, lake or sea. If you want to find a Christian partner, go to church, local singles events where Christians meet regularly. Don’t expect to meet people if you are in the house and your door is shut.  In Proverbs 18:22 says, “He that finds a wife, findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” God did not say that there is one particular woman for a man but whoever finds the right kind of person (husband/wife) finds a good thing. The kind of a person that shares the same views likes and interests with you.

Pray that God will guide you and follow the above guidelines and you can be sure God will lead you to a suitable person. If you both love and respect each other, you will know that God has guided you. It’s not always plain sailing to get to that place though so be patient.