GOD'S PURPOSE OF CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP!!!

Courtship time is the period a Christian brother and sister agree to marry one another till their wedding day. Scripturally, no time period is specified e.g. Isaac and Rebecca courted for few minutes (Gen. 24:62-67) which Jacob and Rachel courted for Seven years plus (Gen. 29:18-28). A lot of times, circumstances usually dictate. However, it is advise that courtship should not be less than six months and should not be unnecessary dragged for too long. It is therefore advised that brethren are ready before committing themselves into courtship. The purpose for  courtship are as follows:

1.   Gaining better knowledge of each other

-          Know one another as much as possible

-          Exchange ideas and information

-          Discuss with each other on various topics

-          Meet your in-laws, relations and friends/co-workers

-          Arrange for your parents (on both sides) to meet.

2. Togetherness in the fear of the Lord

-          Do things together

-          Learn new things together

-          Worship together

-          Pray together

-          Fellowship together

-          Visit together

-          Spend together

-          Decide together

1. It is a period to seek knowledge (Hosea 4 vs 6) from:

-          The Bible

-          Christian literatures on marriage

-          Christian marriage counselors/pastors

What type of knowledge is required?

-          Details of marriage and family life

-          God’s counsel and principles on marriage

-          Marital roles and responsibilities

-          Christian warfare in marriage

2. It is a period of effective communication in which:

-          You engage in active discussion

-          You observe one another closely

-          You listen attentively to your partner

-          You take note of information from friends, parents, brethren and pastors.

-          You visit one another at home, at work, and in the church.

Things to discover about one another:

-          Personality profile

-          Family background

-          Social tastes/friends

-          Life history

-          Future ambition/Christian calling

-          Temperament

-          Leadership ability

-          Sense of humour

-          Use of tongue

-          Reaction to good and bad news

-          General comportment during unguarded moments, i.e at play.

-          Attitude to the following:

i)                     Money

ii)                   Jewelries

iii)                  Correction/ disagreement

iv)                 Instructions/ Obedience

v)                   Respect

vi)                 Discipline

3. It is a period to reach agreement on certain issues (Amos 3:3) such as:

§  The type of wedding you want

§  Where to live after the wedding

§  Which church to attend

§  Nature of work and where to work

§  Size of family etc.         

4. It is a period to develop your companionship ability. You assess how compatible you are, and try to adjust or adapt appropriately:

§  Socially

§  Educationally

§  Family status

§  Emotionally

§  Professionally

§  Identifying with one another

5. It is a period to give and receive through :

§  Sharing together

§  Buying gifts for one another, parents, relatives and friends.

6. It is a period to plan your introduction, engagement and wedding ceremonies.
7. It is a period to plan for your future home.

§  Prayerfully

§  Building one another up in  the word of God

§  Sharing God’s vision that would be fulfilled together

§  Children and old age

PROACTIVE COMMUNICATION A KEY TO SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!!!

‪What is communication? 

Communication means to overcome the desire to conceal feelings and thoughts and rise to the level of talking about money, fears, wishes, motivations, sexual feelings and responses, mistakes made, resentments, and misunderstandings with the intent to resolve them

How often do you communicate with the person you are in a relationship with? How sincere is your communication with him/her? The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand, we listen to reply. All relationship problems stem from poor communication. Communication ceases when the need to conceal becomes stronger than the desire for unity. Your marriage will become a happy, mutually satisfactory one if both of you set your sights on unity.

 

A happy marriage is not possible without communication that reveals, with reasonable certainty, how the other feels and thinks about a given action or situation. Communication is to love and relationships what blood is to the body. Nothing is more vital in a marriage than encouraging and appreciating your spouse. Be sure to tell your spouse, ''I love you'' everyday and show that love by your actions. It heals a lot of wounds. Communicating love and expressing admiration in both words and actions can enhance every marriage. Good intentions are not enough in a relationship. Communication is the key. Learn your communication style. Don't can't survive where there is communication in marriage and relationship.

 

Hearing and recognizing the voice of the Lord, is the most important aspect of our relationship with Him. This is because every relationship depends on communication. It would be difficult for a relationship where there is no communication between the parties to prosper. If your communication isn't effective what good is it? Improve your communication and have Peace and Harmony at home. Enhance your relationships today with effective communication! Effective communication is a foundation key to health, happiness and success in relationship and marriage. Develop a positive character and have effective communication with your spouse! Our Character and Communication determine our relationships. Our relationships determine true Success. Character and Communication are activities we must work to be better at and continuously develop daily.

Why is communication important in relationships and marriages? 

Communication makes relationships and marriages sweet. You fall in love by communication and you sustain it also by communication. Lack of communication brings confusion. The Bible says in Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together except they agree?". You can only agree by communication. Have you noticed that when relationship turns sour, the first thing that jump out of the window is communication. Couples practically stop communicating. When you avoid discussing issues, it will slide into radioactive mode. Emitting fire gradually until one day it burns down the house. But proactive communication saves stress.

 

 ''Can two work together except they agree?'' when two people come to the place where they have the same mind, the same judgment, the same outlook, and the same goals, yes, they have given up their individuality, but they don’t lose their creativity. The relationship is centered on cooperation rather than opposition. They are working together. Once couples learn to talk to each other about what's bothering them in a respectful manner is the beginning to effective communication. Poor Communication is often the primary problem in marriages.

Why must we communicate in Relationships and marriages? 

1. To pass basic information. 

2. For partnership. 

3. For conflict resolution- this level requires intense communication. and a lot of men avoid it. 

4. For connection- you cannot connect if you don't talk for conflict resolution. 

5. Personal information and revelation- here you talk about what you feel inside. 

6. For intimate communication- this has to do with sex and that's where the men want to be. 

Barriers to why people avoid communication?

1. Sarcasm. 

2. Harshness. 

3. Insensitivity.

Asking question is as powerful as prayer! Always ask question in your relationship for better understanding and an enhancement for easy communication. Every crisis in a relationship can be dismantled with enough questions. Do not keep mute and get yourself worked up because you do not want to lose your partner. If the person leaves you because you ask question, then they do not deserve you!