MAN'S FIRST GIFT FROM GOD IS NOT MARRIAGE!!!

1. SPIRITUAL NATURE AND CHARACTER!
The first gift for man or woman is not marriage or relationship. Yo need to know that you are created in God's image and likeness. The first thing to be concerned about as a single man or woman is your SPIRITUAL NATURE AND CHARACTER. What you need is to find YOURSELF, not a wife or seek for a relationship/ What most people know about themselves is their name they bear and where they hail from, you need to find yourself and be secured in the knowledge of who you are, have a healthy self-esteem and self'image. And the only way to go about it is to find it in God. You need to be confident in who God has made you. This confidence is only drawn from God. Never take your confidence in what you possess like money, car, social status or educational status/qualification. When you marry someone with self-esteem or self-worth that marriage will lose trust and faithfulness because you will always be defensive. Marriage is at its best when two God-like people get married.

2. LIKENESS!
In Genesis 1:26, God says "Let us make man in our image and in our likeness......."  Likeness means to be like God. The purpose for which God made us in His LIKENESS is so that we can function like Him. Proverbs 25:28 says, "A person without self-control is like a city without fence" Anyone who does not know who he or she is becomes a fair game for someone else to mould into another image. Until you become whole you will always be dependent on other people for self-worth. Single state is the time to become like God so that the man or woman coming into your life for relationship will see unadulterated love in you. You also need to work on your appearance, your speech and general outlook. To have a very good, attractive and pleasant LIKENESS you have to work on your mouth. Learn to speak confidently for yourself so as not to depend on others for approvals.

3. GOD'S PRESENCE!
Before Adam needed the presence of another creation, he enjoyed the presence of the Creator. The first presence that you need in your life is not that of a boyfriend or girlfriend; but the presence of God. Imagine someone who just got saved and he is just getting to know God and within 3 months he wants to go into a relationship. Such a person will carry his or her old character into the relationship because he or she is yet to mature in the spirit and has not learned more about God's nature and His likeness has not fully formed in him or her. You need to use your single state to know more and more about God, your intending spouse should found you in God's presence. The glory of God's presence is a defense. His glory covers us and ensures we are not self-conscious and selfish. The glory of God should be your focal point not the flesh. Anyone who wants to marry you should meet you in God's presence and be able to see His glory in you.

4, WORK!
You need to be hardworking and diligent in what you do. You cannot afford to be lazy. You must have goals and dreams you are working towards. You must not be someone who lives without "no future ambition". You must be diligent at work and diligent in seeking God because at this stage of your life. you have a lot of time and you need to use it accountably. Even though you do not have work or gainfully employed you have gifts and talents, you need to creatively engaged.

5. CULTIVATION OF GARDEN!
To cultivate means "to bring out" or "to nurture". If you have not nurtured yourself, you cannot nurture somebody else. You need to first bring out the best in you so as to be able to bring out the best in somebody else. You need to cultivate yourself in order to cultivate someone else and make him or her better and nit bitter. Before starting a relationship you need to first of all consider this; are you a weed that will choke the relationship or a rich fertilizer that will help cultivate and nurture it. Fertilizers improve the quality of what you planted in it but weed stifles the quality.

6. PROTECTION!
You need to develop the capacity to defend and protect the interests and lives of those under your care. You need to be able to safeguard people's dignity, interest and confidence no matter what. You learned when you are already married but must develop this quality in your single state.You cannot be a talebearer.

7. THE WORD OF GOD!
It is only in the word of God that any relationship can maximize its full potentials. This is because marriage and relationships are two concepts of the heart of God. For you to get the best out of it, do not play with the word of God. That is where you get the image and the likeness that He wants you to get. That is where you get the real life and build strength of character which will sustain your relationship and marriage.

WHEN YOU DEVELOP THESE QUALITIES YOU ARE RIGHT FOR RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE!!!.

CAN A SINGLE PARENT RAISE GODLY CHILDREN?

Can a single parent raise godly children?

YES!  You can raise godly children. As a Christian all you need do is to break out of single parent dysfunction junction and have the family of your dreams. Your children are destined to be more than “kids-gone-wrong” society statistics. They have infinite potential to rise for above loneliness, rejection, dejection, depression, stigmatized traits and disadvantage.

Single-parented children can make sound choices, respect others, resist negative pressure and create an uptrend of doing the right thing. It starts with your determination to say “NO” to the status quo and your resolve to give new and significant meaning to the term “family”. As a God fearing parent, you will learn how to pull your children out of the dysfunctional swamp and into whole living. Avoid “morale” decay and raise your children value quotient. Free your children, resurrect their hopes and dreams, reduce the impact of negative influence and lead them to Christ and keep them walking with God. Identify vulnerabilities and deal with the tough stuff kids are into.

No matter how inadequate you may feel as a single parent, no matter how many doubts you have about the future of your children, the Bible offers hope. Make your home one that draws on the Bible for decisions in life. Develop a plan for introducing your children to Christ and helping them mature in their faith. Make the Bible and Jesus Christ central to their lives. Help them get to know Him and learn to make godly choices.

Where children of single parents differ from the children whose parents live together is in what they experience because of divorce, separation, desertion or the death of a parent. These children experience great pain and confusion. Not only is their lost relational but it often involves financial, social and educational setbacks as well. Their security is shaken, and often they do not know who they can trust- even their relationship with God can be affected. So as a single parent, your children need you to provide stability, direction and relief from the pressure they are feeling. They need you to be a godly parent and a source of strength and security in their lives. This process will demand growth and development in your life. And to do that these are few non-negotiable that will help you.

First, deal with any unresolved issues in your heart:

This is especially important to the divorced and separated. If you are bitter or angry, if you have an unrepentant heart, your attitude will affect not only your life, but your children as well.

Heb 12:15 says “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springing up cause’s trouble, and by it may be affected” Most often, because of the pain and trauma of separation and divorce, single parents become the unwitting source of the poison of bitterness in their children’s lives. Dealing with the unresolved issues means taking responsibility for your failures, mistakes and sins you made that led to your separation and divorce, and ask for God’s forgiveness. Then, you will need to release any and all bitterness and forgive your ex-spouse “just as God in Christ also have forgiven you” (Eph 4:32).

Pursue an on- going, harmonious relationship with your ex-spouse:

In custody situations, no matter who wins or who gains the custody, there are no winners or losers. Both parents must maintain a constant relationship with the children.Your attitude towards your former spouse and words that you chose to use will have a lasting impact on your children’s perspective of their other parent. As much as you can, work together with your ex-spouse to harmonize your parenting and establish common parental goals, disciplinary standards and routines. Sometimes a single parent will wish the non-custodial parent would disappear- but the children need to know their parents. And in those situations the single parent needs to apply grace and encourage the relationship. On a practical level, this will mean applying to your ex-spouse the principle Jesus calls the second greatest commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” Matt 22:39. Also let the words of Peter in 1 Peter 3:8-9 govern your behavior.

Make a special effort to control your tongue as you talk to your spouse. If difficult conversation or disagreements occur, do your best to handle those privately, away from the eyes and ears of your children.

Become a part of a community of believers:

Single parents must avoid getting isolated, which will tend to happen when they are exhausting nearly all resources of time, finances and energy in seeking to make a living and raise their children alone. God intends for single parents and their children to experience His love, mercy, grace, provision and kindness through the local church. In this way, the local church truly becomes a new family for the single parents and their children.

In a community of believers you can find other parents who can serve as a role models and even mentors for your children. A young son without a father needs someone to look up to, someone who can come alongside him and show him how to be a godly man.

Develop a game plan for instruction and discipline:

Children in a single-parent home often take advantage of tired, emotionally worn parents and skilfully manipulate them. Avoid creating an environment in which “anything goes” and in which discipline and proper instruction are lacking. Some single parents feeling sorry for what they have experienced in a separated/divorce, over-compensate by giving too much freedom. You have to set boundaries for your children in relation to moves, dating and related matters. If possible, work with your former spouse to set limits and boundaries so that you do not send mixed signals to your children. But if your ex-spouse is too permissive, then you must commit your children and the situation to prayer.

If you have more than one child, schedule special individual time with each of them:

The purpose of this time is to make sure that you’re connecting with them by spending quality fun time that each child enjoys. This individual time will help give them an outlet for processing their feelings for sharing in safety and confidence their fears, pains and frustrations.

Schedule times alone and place your hope in God:

Single parents need time alone to reflect, pray, meditate on God’s word, heal and commune with God. In these times God will refresh and recharge your batteries back to the double charge you need in order to be the parent you need to be for your children. Ensure those times alone, your children are under the care of a loving friends or family and church family because children benefits by being exposed to loving friends. Ask God to give you the help and wisdom you need to raise your children. Remember the warning and promise of Psalm 127:1 which says “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who builds it”. Make God the focus of your life and of your family.

Finally, single parents keep up fighting the fight of faith and with God on your side you will finish your parenting assignment well above all facing steep obstacles.