Tuesday, 22 May 2012

WRONG AND RIGHT REASONS TO GET MARRIED

Wrong Reasons to Get Married

Want to be free from parents.
To have sex.
To ease loneliness.
To be happy.
To show you are an adult.
Because of a pregnancy.
He or she loves you.
To save or help someone.
Because you want a baby.
For money.

For Fame.
Long relationship
Because all your friends are married.
You've always wanted a fancy wedding.
Out of fear that no one else will want to marry you.
You think you are running out of time to get married.
For immigration purposes.
You are tired of being single.
You don't want people gossiping about the two of you living together



Getting married for the wrong reasons to the wrong person can be devastating. 
This may result in both living the rest of their life in misery. 
Their marriage may end in separation or divorce. Worse still, they may never 
separate but simply live a miserable and unfaithful existence with each other. 
This situation is simply “hell” on earth.




Right Reasons to Get Married

You are in love with one another.
A desire to share your life with another.
To have a lifetime companion.
Realistic expectations.
Willingness to help one another fulfill their own needs and dreams.


A marriage without Christ can never experience the spiritual bonding 
God brings to relationships. It is good to be married. God created marriage
 for our enjoyment and He pronounced it good. 
Therefore, those of you who are contemplating to marry should not make 
the mistake of leaving God out of your life in choosing your life partner.
 If you do, all your accomplishment and goal will be futile. 
Make God your highest priority and let Him guide you to make 
the right choice and also partner with you in building a
 long lasting and successful marriage.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

No Vision! No True Marriage!


Most of the church teachings in marriage have been found to be inadequate, non-Biblical, often male chauvinistic and demeaning to women.

 Have you ever wondered, why, when a man/woman contemplating marriage are in a relationship they profess so much love and care for each other. Then after tying the knot, at a point into the marriage the love turns sour and he/she finds out that he/she can’t stand the woman/man anymore. In most cases, they resort to infidelity, hatred, lying and cheating to each other as a result of a denial of the God’s divine will for them and the elevation of their will over the will of God. Sins involving extramarital sex are powerful destroyers of relationships. They confuse and tear down the climate of respect, trust and credibility that is so essential for solid marriages and secure children.

For a man and woman to have a satisfying and fulfilling marriage relationship, the man must understand the nature of a woman and what makes her unique. Also a woman must understand the nature of a man and what makes him tick. Once there is an understanding of this wonderful phenomenon, you are on a fruitful journey to a successful marriage.

The Bible said in Gen.2vs8 “Then the Lord God, planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there He placed the man He had created” (NLT), and in the same chapter verse 22 says “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam”. From this passage, the first thing the man set his eyes after creation was a garden and he was instructed to tend and dress it which depict his assignment or vision. And too, the first thing the woman set her eyes on after creation was Adam which depicts relationship. With this we deduce that the man is work oriented while the woman is relationship oriented. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the man to discover his God-given purpose before venturing into marriage. Prov. 29vs18a says “Where there is no vision, the people perish”. Your fulfillment, satisfaction and peace of mind are all tied to your vision. When a woman marries a man, it is her duty to identify with the vision of her spouse, stay close to him and give him all the moral support, care and assistant he needs to actualize his vision. For the single reason why you are married to him is to help him fulfill his dream. Also, married men should understand that women love romance and therefore should learn to say love words to their wives. The price you pay for a thing determines the value you place on it.

A Christian marriage can be beautiful if we acquire the necessary information about it from the right source which is the Bible before we go into it. Husbands and wives are to emulate Christ and His church in how they treat each other. Also, singles who are contemplating marriage should understand the foundation of marriage before making a choice of life partner in other to have a healthy and godly marriage.  Love does not require that two people must look at each other but that they look together in the same direction.

Remember that man and woman need Christ in order to appropriate what He wants them to do. One may ask: why must I need Christ to have a successful and long lasting marriage relationship? The Bible said in Psalm 51vs5 that we were born sinners from the moment our mother conceived us, which means we have a sinful nature that will always make us do the wrong thing. In our flesh dwells no good thing, for when you want to do well you can’t and when you try not to do wrong you find yourself doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when you want to do what is right, you inevitably do what is wrong (Rom: 7vs15-25). Jesus Christ conquered sin once and for all and promises to fight by our side so that sin will lose its power in our lives (Col: 2 vs. 13-15). Without Christ’s help, sin is stronger than we are and we are unable to defend ourselves against its attacks. God is Spirit and marriage came from Him. Because marriage came from Him that makes it spiritual and not physical. 

Therefore, any man/woman that is not born again and makes no effort to pursue a personal relationship with God, lack the capacity to function in marriage. Most times the reason for break-up in marriages is as a result of misplaced priorities. When your personal desire surpasses God’s desire for you, it means you are devoting more time pursuing something else other than God and what it takes to sustain your marriage. Some people’s greatest desire in life is popularity, power and money and that become their idol and they end up building their lives around them. When you are married to this kind of person be sure to have a miserable marriage relationship. When you put anything other than God at the center of your life, you will not reach your potential and become all that God wants you to be. How do I then put God first in my marriage? 1. Recognize what is taking His place in your life. 2. Renounce this substitute god as unworthy of your devotion. 3. Ask God for forgiveness. 4. Restructure your priorities so that love for God is the motive for everything you do. 5. Examine yourself daily to be sure you are giving God first place. We must break from traditional stereotype way of marriage and hold on to the truth of God’s word. An opinion is something that you hold but a conviction is something that holds you.



Tuesday, 1 May 2012

WHAT IS MARRIAGE FOR?


What is marriage for? The answer from human perspective is “to live happily ever after”. No, two people get married in order to make themselves miserable. They marry with optimism that life truly will be more meaningful and emotionally richer. It’s amazing how God made man, and so beautiful how he made woman and brought them together to manage His creation!  What you know is what you value but what you don’t know you do not value. The question is;
Why did God create Woman from the Man’s rib, when He could have simply created her from the dust, as He made Man? God chose to form woman from the man’s flesh and bone, in so doing, He illustrated to us that symbolically in marriage man and woman are united into one. This is a story that puts a beautiful touch on our reasoning: In Genesis we understood that, when God created the heavens and the earth, he spoke them into being. When He created man, He formed him from the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his nostrils. But woman, He fashioned her after He breathed the breath of life into man. God allowed a deep sleep to come upon the man so He could patiently and perfectly fashion the woman. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From the man’s bone, He fashioned her. He chose the bone that protects man’s life. He chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs to support him, as she is meant to do.

Around this one bone, GOD shaped and modeled the woman. He created her perfectly and beautifully. Her characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. She is to provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the
centre of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Woman is to support man as the rib cage supports the body. A woman was not taken from the man’s feet, to be under him, nor was she taken from his head, to be above him. She was taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.

Adam walked with God in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see or touch Him. He could only feel Him. So everything He wanted Adam to share and experience with Him, He fashioned in a woman: His holiness, strength, purity, love, protection and support. Women are special because they are the extension of God. Man represents God’s image, woman represents His emotions. Together, both represent the totality of God. So man is expected to treat woman well. Love and respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt yourself. What you do to her, you do to yourself. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman is expected to support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion God has given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.

In the 1960’s when the divorce rate was a lot lower than it is today, most couples reported being fairly happy together. This was because our forefathers, though they did not know much spiritually, were in charge of their homes, providing, protecting and fully in leadership. And their wives on their own part were in full submission to the leadership of their husbands. Even though the marriages then were not totally free from conflict, they were properly managed.

But then the sex revolution came along and people said “we don’t need marriage
anymore. Anyone can live together for however long they want to, for whatever reason they want to and should not have to be bound together “till death does them apart”.” “We don’t need God or the institution of marriage that He created.” Then the minority of people who were unhappily married or who grew up in an unhappy home led the rebellion. They took over the legislatures, judicial systems, the entertainment and popular culture and schools. They told us lie after another in order to try to convince us that their own immoral behaviors are OK.

Since this war on marriage and family began, they dragged our culture down deeper and deeper into the gutter, making the world lose sight of God’s purposes for marriage and sex. As a result, many people see marriage as too limiting. But God said in Proverbs 6:32 “But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding; he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul” KJV.  Also in Hosea 4:6, it says “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee.........”KJV

Adultery is often committed in the name of great love, but this marginal understanding, shows that the adulterer lacks even the capacity for true love. Those who are guilty of this sin are generally immature, insecure, self-centered person who lack any depth of feeling for others, being primarily selfish in their desires.
 An extramarital affair is the most difficult situation that can affect a marital relationship. It eliminates the emotional bond between spouses, violates the basic trust each partner has for each other and it jeopardizes the health and well being of both parties. 

An affair is not only a sexual event—it is an emotional event. It is usually a consequence of the emotional distance between the married couple. In a rather paradoxical manner, the extramarital affair may also temporarily create closeness between the couple but will ultimately send the relationship into a terrifying state of panic. Usually, poor relationships between a husband and wife result in one of them or both seeking extramarital affairs. Sometimes, the involved partner will justify that the affair is an attempt at “disrupting the status quo” in his or her marriage - that is you must live together as custom demands but can still catch some fun outside because it is accepted in the world). If the relationship has drifted into stagnation, lack of emotional contact, habitual criticism and argument, constant conflict, or just plain emotional distance and coolness, then the affair will eventually put the final nail into the coffin. Culture does play a very significant role in our attitudes and actions regarding marriage. Christian marriage must not be shaped by culture, but by the cross of Christ, the Word of God, and the Spirit of God: Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul (1 Peter 2:11; Romans 12:1-2; Ephesians 4:17-24). When Christians comes to marriage, we dare not allow the world (our culture) to shape our thinking, our attitudes, or our actions. WHOSOEVER INDULGES IN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR LACKS UNDERSTANDING AND DESTROYS HIS OWN SOUL! DO NOT ALLOW FIVE MINUTES EXTRAMARITAL PLEASURE DESTROYS YOUR SOUL! The consequences are too much to bear.

This evil effect of adultery has brought spiritual, physical and eternal death.  It has also caused a great wound, dishonour, lasting reproach and scar in our homes. Also, sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality because they all involve having sex with someone other than your spouse. Our ignorance of the Bible and of the Christian faith is blowing out the flickering candle flame in our society. But when we have the correct understanding of God’s purpose for marriage, only then we can fully comprehend that God has used the marriage institution to provide and protect us in a much better way than we can ever devise.