Marriages do not fail; it is the people in marriage that fail. God would never design a marriage program that failed. God is perfect and He has established perfection in marriage. Marriages fail because we are not taking responsibility for ourselves in the marriage. If we don’t work the program, we won’t know what to do when trouble strikes, and ultimately we will fail the marriage class.
Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. (Proverbs 8:33,34 NIV)
No one else cares about your marriage more than God does. That is why he left His people with the most infallible instructions on how married couples are to treat one another in marriage. These instructions, if followed properly, will not break apart the bonds of matrimony between a man and a woman. It will in fact, unite the bonds of marriage, and make it a sacred and holy union created by God himself.
If you want a great marriage, built upon trust, forgiveness, respect and commitment, you certainly would not step out of the Godly foundations of where marriage originated. Absolutely not! You would go to the master designer Himself, wouldn’t you?
God explains to us in detail what the roles and responsibilities of a husband and a wife are. The problem is many couples have a difficult time heeding God’s guidance because God’s instructions often get trampled upon by unbelievers and rebellions living outside of God’s boundaries, and then, many Christian’s hear it, believe it, and live it. And then, they wonder why their marriage is failing.
People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, … (2 Timothy 3:2 NIV). Don’t give in to society’s pressures. Don’t settle for comfort without commitment. Stand up against evil by living as God would have his people live.
God explains to us in simple terms how a husband is to love his wife and how a wife is to love her husband. Love in marriage is NOT about feeling good, but about giving of oneself and respecting one another. Instead what are couples doing? They are putting conditions on love, they are seeking what “appears to be love” from other’s outside of their marriage, and they are disrespecting and demoralizing one another in the marriage.
Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8 NIV)
God explains with great care the position of both husband and wife in marriage. But instead of following God’s instructions they are pawning off their positions onto each other! How wrong is that? It is backwards.
Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)
Wife, are you submitting to the Lord? If so, why are you not submitting to you husband? This is your role and duty as a Christian wife to do. If we slack off and not do the will of God, then we are rebelling against God’s will for us.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her…(Ephesians 5:25 NIV)
Husband, are you loving your wife just as Jesus Christ loved you and gave His life up for you?
I believe many Christian couples are following a different instruction book for their marriage. They are not on the same book with God! I don’t know where their marriage book comes from, but I do know it is not created with the same care and spiritual guidance that God’s instructional book is created with.
One of God’s guiding principles for marriage is to forgive one another with completeness of heart and mind, meaning the way Christ has forgiven us. If couples never learn to forgive in this way, I believe, they will be missing out on so much in life. Forgiveness changes things; it changes a person’s spirit and way of life. It teaches a total giving process that reaches out to others like nothing else can. Yes, forgiveness is a key ingredient for long lasting marriage relationship. But do not forgot that a key ingredient in the forgiveness process is a sincere apology. In order for the forgiveness process to be meaningful, the person apologizing for his/her transgression must realize that when you apologize, when you say “I’m sorry” and really mean it, you are implying the following; I will work to change my behavior…I may not be perfect, but I will be mindful of how I hurt you and adjust my actions accordingly. An apology without a change in behavior at some point becomes meaningless, and the potential fallout is that over time your words and promises will be seen as hollow and you will be perceived as insincere and hypocritical. When our words stop mattering to our loved ones, when our words cannot be counted on, a betrayal of trust has occurred and the very foundation of the relationship is seriously compromised. So be mindful when you apologize, mindful of the responsibility that comes with your “I’m sorry.” Your words have significant power to influence and impact your partner but this power exists only when followed by behaviors and actions that support the underlying meaning of what you are vocalizing.
No relationship will last if there is no trust. Partners can build trust to each other through time. It is not earned overnight and the only way for the marriage to endure if the couples are truthful and responsible.
If we are failing marriage maybe we need to be reading God’s other instructional book first. You know, the one on being born again in Jesus Christ where true forgiveness and love is found.
For we know that our old self has been crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. (Romans 6:6,7 NIV)
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