The Marriage Institution Or The Marriage Partners

Which is greater in God’s eyes: the marriage or the people of the marriage? The priorities in the Church concerning marriage have been greatly misplaced. We have judged the “marriage institution” to be greater than the couples who make up the marriage.

The institution is never greater than those who make up that institution. A company is only as good as its people. A strong and mighty nation is made up of courageous people who will stand up for what is right under any circumstances. Moreover, a great marriage is great because the couple has a great relationship, and nothing less. An institution is only as great as the relationships that make up that institution.

When a couple no longer has a great relationship, the marriage is no longer great. When we care more about our marriage than our marriage partner, we have misplaced the emphasis of our relationship. Being married does not create a great relationship. But having a great relationship creates a great marriage.

When we are faced with the decision of either saving the institution or the people of the institution, the institution must go! And when we are faced with the decision of either saving a marriage or the people of the marriage, the marriage must go! Whether it be the Sabbath day, a company, the ministry, the nation, or a marriage, the people of these institutions are always more important than the institutions themselves. Always!

If we put the institution first, instead of the people, we lose the vision for the institution. The vision of the people makes the institution what it is. Without a vision, failure and collapse are inevitable. When the dreams for the marriage that are in the heart of the husband and wife go out because of a bad relationship, the marriage is on a collision course with a bad situation. But as long as there is vision for the marriage, the marriage will continue. When a married couple loses the vision for the marriage, which is that joy a person possesses in their heart to spend the rest of their days with their mate, it’s hard to rekindle on their own. However, God is able through willing hearts. 

Why do Marriages fail?

Marriages do not fail; it is the people in marriage that fail. God would never design a marriage program that failed. God is perfect and He has established perfection in marriage. Marriages fail because we are not taking responsibility for ourselves in the marriage. If we don’t work the program, we won’t know what to do when trouble strikes, and ultimately we will fail the marriage class.
Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. (Proverbs 8:33,34 NIV)
No one else cares about your marriage more than God does. That is why he left His people with the most infallible instructions on how married couples are to treat one another in marriage. These instructions, if followed properly, will not break apart the bonds of matrimony between a man and a woman. It will in fact, unite the bonds of marriage, and make it a sacred and holy union created by God himself. Wisdom was present at the Creation and works with the Creator. God approves of those who listen to Wisdom’s counsel. Those who hate wisdom love death. Wisdom should affect every aspect of our entire life, from beginning to end. Be sure to open all corners of your life to God’s direction and guidance.


If you want a great marriage, built upon trust, forgiveness, respect and commitment, you certainly would not step out of the Godly foundations of where marriage originated. Absolutely not! You would go to the master designer Himself, wouldn’t you?
God explains to us in detail what the roles and responsibilities of a husband and a wife are. The problem is many couples have a difficult time heeding God’s guidance because God’s instructions often get trampled upon by unbelievers and rebellions living outside of God’s boundaries, and then, many Christian’s hear it, believe it, and live it. And then, they wonder why their marriage is failing.
People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good, treacherous, rash, conceited, … (2 Timothy 3:2 NIV). Don’t give in to society’s pressures. Don’t settle for comfort without commitment. Stand up against evil by living as God would have his people live.

God explains to us in simple terms how a husband is to love his wife and how a wife is to love her husband. Love in marriage is NOT about feeling good, but about giving of oneself and respecting one another. Instead what are couples doing? They are putting conditions on love, they are seeking what “appears to be love” from other’s outside of their marriage, and they are disrespecting and demoralizing one another in the marriage.
Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8 NIV)
God explains with great care the position of both husband and wife in marriage. But instead of following God’s instructions they are pawning off their positions onto each other! How wrong is that? It is backwards.
Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)
Wife, are you submitting to the Lord? If so, why are you not submitting to you husband? This is your role and duty as a Christian wife to do. If we slack off and not do the will of God, then we are rebelling against God’s will for us.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her…(Ephesians 5:25 NIV)
Husband, are you loving your wife just as Jesus Christ loved you and gave His life up for you?
I believe many Christian couples are following a different instruction book for their marriage. They are not on the same book with God! I don’t know where their marriage book comes from, but I do know it is not created with the same care and spiritual guidance that God’s instructional book is created with.
One of God’s guiding principles for marriage is to forgive one another with completeness of heart and mind, meaning the way Christ has forgiven us. If couples never learn to forgive in this way, I believe, they will be missing out on so much in life. Forgiveness changes things; it changes a person’s spirit and way of life. It teaches a total giving process that reaches out to others like nothing else can. Yes, forgiveness is a key ingredient for long lasting marriage relationship. But do not forgot that a key ingredient in the forgiveness process is a sincere apology. In order for the forgiveness process to be meaningful, the person apologizing for his/her transgression must realize that when you apologize, when you say “I’m sorry” and really mean it, you are implying the following; I will work to change my behavior…I may not be perfect, but I will be mindful of how I hurt you and adjust my actions accordingly. An apology without a change in behavior at some point becomes meaningless, and the potential fallout is that over time your words and promises will be seen as hollow and you will be perceived as insincere and hypocritical. When our words stop mattering to our loved ones, when our words cannot be counted on, a betrayal of trust has occurred and the very foundation of the relationship is seriously compromised. So be mindful when you apologize, mindful of the responsibility that comes with your “I’m sorry.” Your words have significant power to influence and impact your partner but this power exists only when followed by behaviors and actions that support the underlying meaning of what you are vocalizing. 


No relationship will last if there is no trust. Partners can build trust to each other through time. It is not earned overnight and the only way for the marriage to endure if the couples are truthful and responsible.

He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. (Romans 4:25 NIV)
If we are failing marriage maybe we need to be reading God’s other instructional book first. You know, the one on being born again in Jesus Christ where true forgiveness and love is found.
For we know that our old self has been crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. (Romans 6:6,7 NIV)

Love Turns Sour: what went wrong?

Most of the church teachings on marriage have been found to be inadequate, non-Biblical, often male chauvinistic and demeaning to women. I will not use the teaching l got from the church to define marriage or analyze what a marriage should be.

As human and also subject to my own personal biases as well as conditions received from the churches, I will do my best to keep to the standard for a successful marriage as is revealed to me in the bible without being bias. Have you ever wondered, why, when a man/woman contemplating marriage are in a relationship they profess so much love and care for each other.

Then after tying the knot in a public act and united into one intimacy and commitment to each other, something goes wrong and the couple cannot stand each other any more. In most cases the result to infidelity, hatred, lying and cheating as an elevation of their own will over God’s divine will for them.
In reading this book, we will understand what went wrong and a solution to guard against its occurrence in marriages.

For a couple to have a satisfying and fulfilling marriage relationship, the man must understand the nature of a woman and what makes her unique. Also a woman must understand the nature of a man and what makes him tick. Once there is an understanding of this wonderful phenomenon, you are on a fruitful journey to a successful marriage.

The Bible said in Gen.2 vs 8 “Then the Lord God, planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there He placed the man He had created” and in the same chapter verse 22 says “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam”. (NLT)

From this passage, the first thing the man set his eyes after creation was a garden and he was instructed to tend and dress it which depict his assignment or vision. And too, the first thing the woman set her eyes on after creation was Adam which depicts relationship. With this we deduce that the man is work oriented while the woman is relationship oriented. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the man to discover his God-given purpose before venturing into marriage. Prov. 29vs18a says “Where there is no vision, the people perish”. Your fulfillment, satisfaction and peace of mind are all tied to your vision.

When a woman marries a man, it is her duty to identify with the vision of her spouse, stay close to him and give him all the moral support, care and assistant he needs to actualize his vision. For the single reason why you are married to him is to help him fulfill his God-given dream. Also, married men should understand that women love romance and therefore should learn to say love words to their wives. Once in a while take her out and spend quality time with her alone. It is actually the best time to bond together. It takes two to tangle. The price you pay for a thing determines the value you place on it.

A Christian marriage can be beautiful if we acquire the necessary information about it from the right source which is the Bible before we go into it. Husbands and wives are to emulate Christ and His church in how they treat each other. I pray that this book will bring an awakening to our married men/women to take their respective places in the home and build a prosperous, healthy and lasting marriage relationship.

And also our singles who are contemplating marriage should understand the foundation of godly marriage before making a choice of a life partner in other to have a healthy and blissful marriage. Love does not require that two people must look at each other but that they look together in the same direction.

Remember that man and woman needs Christ in order to appropriate what He wants them to do. One may ask: why must I need Christ to have a successful and long lasting marriage relationship? The Bible said in Psalm 51vs 5 that we were born sinners from the moment our mother conceived us, which means we have a sinful nature that will always make us do the wrong thing. In our flesh dwells no good thing, for when you want to do well you can't and when you try not to do wrong you find yourself doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when you want to do what is right, you inevitably do what is wrong (Rom: 7vs15-25). Jesus Christ conquered sin once and for all and promises to fight by our side so that sin will lose its power in our lives (Col: 2 vs. 13-15). Without Christ's help, sin is stronger than we are and we are unable to defend ourselves against its attacks. God is a Spirit and marriage came from Him. Because marriage came from Him that makes it spiritual and not physical.

Therefore, any man/woman that is not born again and makes no effort to pursue a personal relationship with God, lack the capacity to function in marriage. Most times the reason for break-ups in marriage is as a result of misplaced priorities. When your personal desire surpasses God's desire for you, it means you are devoting more time pursuing something else other than God and what it takes to sustain your marriage. Some people's greatest desire in life is popularity, power and money and that becomes their idol and they end up building their lives around them. When you are married to this kind of a person be sure to have a miserable marriage relationship. When you put anything other than God at the center of your life, you will not reach your potential and become all that God wants you to be. How do I then put God first in my marriage? 

(1). Recognize what is taking His place in your life. 

(2). Renounce this substitute god as unworthy of your devotion. 

(3). Ask God for forgiveness. 

(4). Restructure your priorities so that your love for God is the motive for everything you do. 

(5). Examine yourself daily to be sure you are giving God first place. We must break from traditional stereotype way of marriage and hold on to the truth of God's word. An opinion is something that you hold but a conviction is something that holds you.

Relationship in Marriage

When a man and a woman go through a marriage ceremony, God places upon them a debt they must pay. The debt is to “owe no one anything EXCEPT to love each other…” (Romans 13:8). A major part of this lack of love in the family is because of the man’s failure as a husband. The husband has a vital role in producing love, which is God’s nature, in a family. Because the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, a great responsibility is placed upon him by God to lay down his life for his family.

The continual flow of love that is needed between a husband and wife starts with the husband. Let me explain. The number one need of a man is companionship having his wife as his playmate in those things that interest and give him relaxation and pleasure. But that is not the number one need of a woman. The number one need of a woman is affection. Because the number one need is different for a man and a woman, it presents a problem. That is, if a husband naturally expresses himself to his wife, he will overlook her needs to fulfil his own. And if a wife naturally expresses herself to her husband, she will overlook his needs to fulfil her own. A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS BASED UPON SOMEONE GIVING UP HIS/HER NUMBER ONE NEED TO SATISFY THE NEED OF THE OTHER.

Jesus gave up His number one need for His bride, the Church.”  Until His death, He did not seek to have His wife the Church to be a companion or to bring Him comfort. He gave up His own need of companionship by pouring His life into His bride, the Church to have that glorious church (wife) not having spot or wrinkle he desires.

Husband is to lay aside his main need, choosing to continually meet the primary need of his wife by pouring life into her. She, in turn, becomes the companion that the husband so desperately needs. The seed to the husband’s own need for companionship is found in the very affection he gives to his wife. This affection “seed” goes deep into the womb of his wife’s heart, germinates, and companionship is birthed toward her husband. This is the cycle of unity or oneness in a family. The husband lays aside his need for companionship and meets his wife’s need for affection. After his wife becomes pregnant with companionship from the seed of affection, she in turn becomes that loving friend the husband so desperately needs. If there is no unity or oneness in a marriage, this cycle is broken. The wife by herself is unable to produce out of herself the companionship for her husband unless there is already a common interest. The source of unity in the family flows out of the wife’s heart. However, she alone is unable to bring unity to her family no matter how hard she tries. The husband himself cannot birth unity because he only carries the seed. HENCE, THE HUSBAND MUST FIRST PLANT THE SEED OF AFFECTION IN HIS WIFE’S HEART, THEN UNITY WILL FLOW OUT AND THEY WILL BECOME ONE.

When the husband is pouring affection into his wife’s heart, she in turn becomes his companion and friend. As this is combined with an intimate sexual relationship, the marriage will be one of the most fulfilling and satisfying experiences of life. 1 Corinthians 7:3 says “Let the husband RENDER to his wife THE AFFECTION DUE her and likewise, also the wife to her husband.... "