LOVE BETWEEN ADULTS IS NOT UNCONDITIONAL!

Love is not unconditional.You must accept the harsh truth that love between adults is not unconditional. It can wither and die without due care. Harshness, neglect, thoughtlessness and lack of contact can kill love. One hymn writer says, “By many deeds of shame we learn that love grows cold”. Many marriages began with love and then one or both partners became careless. It took the other partner for granted and did not watch its looks words, purpose in life and gradually the flow of love stopped and the tender plant died. Your desire is to stay happy in your marriage and it does not come so easily. It requires effort and you must be prepared to do it for love. 

Love is like a tender plant and will blossom if given the right kind of nourishment. On the other hand love that is not nourished or given the wrong kind of food will die. Since love must be nourished or else it will die, the relationship must be harmonious. If you don’t work to keep your relationship in top form, cracks will start showing and before you know it your relationship is no longer healthy.Love need not die but can grow from one level of gory to another with time. 

You must express your love. You must tell her to her hearing that you love her and she has to do the same. Give lot of hugs freely.If you don’t express your love in some affectionate way, it becomes weak. A kind word, a caring attitude, not being moody and not rejecting affection will help build your marriage. You must be tolerant. Be patient and tolerate one another. You must bear with your partners shortcomings or weaknesses. Nobody is perfect, not even you. The reason why you must bear with your partners faults is because you also have faults that he or she must bear. Don’t keep a diary of offenses but learn to forgive and forget.

 If you pay attention to these issues there are no marriage problems that you cannot be surmounted!

MAN FIVE BASIC NEEDS FROM HIS WIFE

A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five basic needs:

1. His needs for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 22:23,33)

2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15-29, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)

3. His need for home support. She creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13,19:13, 21:9,19, 25:24)

4. His need for her attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband is pleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 6:13, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)

5. His need for a life companion. She develops mutual interests with her husband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they can enjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1-2,6)

WOMAN SEVEN BASIC NEEDS FROM HER HUSBAND!

In marriage, a man shows love to his wife by learning to meet seven basic needs that are the essence of who his wife is.

1) She needs a spiritual leader. A woman longs to follow a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. She wants a man who can be both steel and velvet. He can be a man’s man, and at the same time he can be gentle, tender, and approachable. Such a man will be a spiritual leader in the home. He will take the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family. He will be a capable and competent student of the Word of God, and he will live out a life founded on the Word of God. He’ll encourage and enable his wife to become a woman of God, to become more like Jesus, and he will take the lead in training their children in the things of the Lord.

2) She needs personal affirmation and appreciation. A man who loves a woman will praise her for personal attributes and qualities. He will extol her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He will also openly commend her in the presence of others as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She will feel that to him, no one is more important in this world.

I remember telling men in a conference that one of the ways they show their wife appreciation is by picking up the phone and calling her during the day to see how she is doing. He is not to call to ask what came in the mail or what’s for supper! The following night a sweet young lady came up to me to tell me that her husband had obviously listened to what I had said the night before. She informed me that they had been married for a number of years and that her husband had never called her during the workday until that day. On this day he called her five times! 

3) She needs personal affection and romance. Romance for a man means sex. He cannot imagine romance without having sex. Romance for a woman can mean lots of things, and sex may or may not be a part of it. 

Romance is basically a game. It is a specific game. It is a game of “hide-and-go-seek.” She hides it and you seek it. If you find it, you will indeed agree that it’s good! On the other hand, if you don’t find it, you have one of two options. First, you can get nasty, mean, and bent out of shape and just be a miserable old grouch for the rest of your life. I have met a number of men just like that. Or second, you can remind yourself, it’s a game. Sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose. But that’s the fun of playing the game.

But there’s a second part to this game, and this is not fair. However, we dealt long ago with the fact that some things aren't fair; it’s just the way they are. Guys, you must understand. What is romantic to your wife, say, on Monday, may not necessarily be romantic on Tuesday. Indeed, women are adept at moving the romance on a regular basis, sometimes even hiding it in places where they can’t even find it. When you go searching for romance in the place where it used to be, but now you discover that it is no longer there, don’t be surprised if looking over your shoulder is the woman that God gave you, and with her eyes she says something like this, “Yes, my darling. I moved the romance. It’s somewhere else now. And I’m going to wait to see if you love me enough to look for it all over again.”

Now again, guys, you can get angry, mean, and bent out of shape, or you can remember, it’s a game. And games can be fun. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But it’s all a great game. Men, if you will approach romance in this way, not only will you find it fun, but you will also get better at it along the way.

4) She needs intimate conversation. A woman needs a husband who will talk with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). She needs a man who will listen to her thoughts about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Daily conversation with her conveys her husband’s desire to understand her. Wise men learn soon after marriage that women are masters of code language. They say what they mean and expect you to know what they mean, and the particular words really don’t matter. Unfortunately some men are simply ill prepared and a little dense at this point, and it often gets them into serious trouble.

5) She needs honesty and openness. A woman needs a man who will look into her eyes and, in love, tell her what he is really thinking. He will explain his plans and actions clearly and completely to her because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. He wants her to know how precious she is to him. Growing openness and honesty will always mark a marriage when a man loves a woman.

6) She needs stability and security. A man who loves a woman will firmly shoulder the responsibilities to house, feed, and clothe the family. He will provide and he will protect. He will never forget that he is the security hub of the family for both his wife and his children. She will be aware of his dependability, and as our text indicates, so will others. There will be no doubt as to where his devotion and commitments lie. They are with his wife and his children.

7) She needs family commitment. A woman longs to know that her man puts the family first. Such a man will commit his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the entire family, especially the children. For example, he will play with them, he will read the Bible to them, he will engage in sports with them, and he will take them on exciting and fun-filled outings. Such a man will not play the fool’s game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while his spouse and children languish in neglect. No, a woman needs a man who is committed to the family. She needs a man who puts his wife and children right behind his commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.

When a man loves a woman, he makes it a life goal to meet seven basic needs of his wife. When a husband is committed in this way, and when a wife has the same commitment, it is not surprising that both husband and wife have a smile on their faces and joy in their hearts. This is the way God intended it from the beginning. As persons committed to God’s plan for marriage, we should settle for and expect nothing less.

UNDERSTANDING MARITAL PROBLEMS!

The first step in solving your marital problems  is to recognize that the problem exists. Experiencing conflicts and solving them will make your relationship stronger. All marital problems could and should be solved by understanding. In order to solve the problem you need never look at them. What you need to do is to concentrate on the causes of the problems. Understanding the causes ensures that the problem is solved. The cause of the problem is often beneath not on the surface. Most attempts by couples to solve their marriage problems often dwell on the surface ignoring the root cause of the problem.

You need to uproot the cause to fell the tree of a problem. In our daily lives our problems cry to be understood and we need to pay attention, think positively, and sincerely look  for solutions. For instance you need to understand that nobody is equipped to maintain always that high level of romance or passion that you experienced when you newly wedded. So you must be prepared to handle the changes that will come as time goes by.  Problems don’t come because your partner is bad or you are not good enough. As long as you are in this flesh and blood problems and changes must come. There are no marriages on earth that doesn't have problems  at times. Even your parents had problems perhaps bigger ones and so if you succumb to problems it does not show strength of character but weakness.

Some of the problems you are experiencing is as a result of the distorted ideas you have about marriage. To get a good understanding of marriage issues or challenges always move away from the external or obvious  and examine the root causes. Understand them and the problem is half  solved. Yes you can solve that problem, so don’t quit.

PORNOGRAPHY!

Who says ‘Pornography does not hurt anyone? Porn damages the viewer. Proverbs 6:27 says: ‘Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?’ The implied answer is ‘No.’ Lusting after people with your eyes and thoughts is equivalent to committing the sin with them. Matthew 5:28 says; "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart". Porn trains you to practice lust and live in a fantasy world. As a result, you burn with a lust that drives you to seek gratification. The memories resulting from your porn activities can last a lifetime and damage your ability to enjoy sex in your marriage.

Pornography also can lead you down the destructive path of perversion. Homosexuality, rape and abuse are just a few of the many possible activities that porn promotes. Porn damages the viewer’s family. For example, your children could be tormented by any evil spirits that are tormenting you, or they may simply get hooked on porn when they stumble across your porn stash of computer files or magazines. Your spouse could be devastated if he/she discovers you have been committing “mental adultery” through porn. He/she may have difficulty ever trusting you again when they discover your secret life. It could take years for you to re-learn how to love your spouse and eliminate the stranglehold lust has on you. You may have to re-learn how to have sex in a loving way, since you have become tuned for lust through porn. 

Pornography, a closet addiction, grabs you when you’re weak and holds you in its clutches. Just one more time, the lie draws you in. One more look, you click your way around the sticky Web. Lost in a fantasy world, porn becomes your focus and your drive. Denying the impact of addiction only covers the pain you are causing to yourself and others.  

Watching pornography together may create more distance between one another, particularly during interpersonal problems.

There are those who are misled into thinking that watching pornography together will build sexual intimacy in marriage. Let us examine this fallacy. 

I think, we all agree that marriage is not always a bed of roses. There are good times and there are bad times. When times are good, a husband and wife may enjoy each other sexually, but when difficult times come, i.e. interpersonal problems, where do you think they may turn to satisfy themselves?

When husband and wife offend each other and when wife is not in a mood to have sex with her husband, there is a great possibility for her husband to turn to porn for some physical satisfaction. He who is used to watch with his wife will now watch alone for his personal pleasure. This may even lead to addiction to porn, even to some extramarital affair, eventually leading to disastrous family life.

You know, sometimes it is the hunger for sexual satisfaction which drives a man to get reconciled with his wife and to please her. Of course, this may not always be the best motive, but there is at least some good in it which unites him again with his wife. I believe, one of the reasons why God has blessed man with "testosterone hormones" [major sex hormones in males] is so that he would always cleave to his wife. 

But pornography may rob this possibility, driving a man to nude images and videos of other women and finally leading to emotional and physical affair with others.

In a marriage relationship wherein a husband and wife look to each other alone for sexual satisfaction—they cannot stay far away from each other for a long time. Sadly, in our present age, many are looking for sexual satisfaction beyond their marriage partner, consequently leading to irreconcilable relationship and family break-up.

Therefore, don’t you think spouses should discourage each other from watching porn, whether watching together or alone? Don't you see pornography creates more distance in marriage than intimacy?

Your eyes are the windows of your soul. What you repeatedly expose yourself to will influence your imagination, your actions, and finally your character. There are three things you need to know about pornography. (1) It’s addictive. “Pornography is more addictive than drugs, and thanks to the First Amendment, it’s getting bigger every day.” (2) It’s selfish. It trains you to see people as playthings to be played with, and all for one purpose —self-gratification. Intimacy, responsibility, and commitment are not even in the picture (or frame). (3) It’s shaming. Unlike the lepers in the Bible, pornography does not ring a bell and cry, “Unclean! Unclean!”

Yet when you fall under its control, you find yourself responding to it in ways that leave you feeling cheapened and unclean. But there’s good news. Every leper who came to Jesus was cleansed; and through His blood you can be cleansed too! Furthermore, you can be empowered by His Spirit to cast down every imagination, and take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). 

it’s important to pay attention to the Bible where it says,

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering” (1 Peter 5:8-9).

Whether it is you, or someone else you are helping, trying to escape the web of pornography and cybersex, here are additional warnings the Bible gives:

“If someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:1-2).

It’s difficult to even know how to continue with this article. But the best way seems to be to refer you to additional articles written by those who have a lot of knowledge and experience in teaching and helping you with this issue.

WHAT DOES PAUL MEAN BY WHAT HE SAID IN 1 CORINTHIANS 7:39

1 Corinthians 7:39 "A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord."

This verse of the scripture has been used severally by the churches to buttress the point that God hates divorce and a married women is bound by law to her husband till death do them part.

 Let me clarify further here there are two types of death that are applicable in marriage;

Physical Death and
Emotional Death

Also let’s look at the world “lives” here. It means when one is alive to God or Conscious of God and alive in the spirit. One can also be living but not unto God. In Gen 2:17, God told Adam the day he shall eat of the fruit of the tree of good and evil he shall surely die. He did dead but not physically. It was his human Spirit which corresponds with the nature of God that was dead. He lost God’s consciousness and gained self consciousness. He lost the power to do good and gain the power to do evil. Instead of becoming like God they became unlike God. 

It is not necessary for partners to live to make marriage survive. If emotion is already dead,.. when love and respect no longer exist, then, union is no longer possible. Whenever emotional death is present, then, the term “till death do us part” is already applicable. It means the end of marriage.

However, even if the other partner died physically, if love and commitment is still present on the other person, then marriage is still valid. It is much more difficult for the living to move on because he or she is still committed to his/her emotions. In short, for that specific case, the term “till death do us part” is still not applicable because emotional death is not yet achieve and the feeling remains.

The end of a commitment happens only after emotional death. Whether both parties are alive or not, when emotional death is achieved, marriage technically will also die.

These, I believe are the compelling reasons why marriage between a living and a deceased is allowed. The term “till death do us part" actually refers to emotional death. It is the reason why Love, Relationship and Commitment last a lifetime and sometime,…….. even survive Death.

GOD JOINS ALL MARRIAGES TOGETHER

Many people especially in the Christian folds, do not believe that all marriages are joined by God. They support their claim on what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 6 :14-15 which says, "Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 15 What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil*? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?".

God's purpose was that two people come together as one and made one by an act of commitment followed by sexual union and should continue until death separate them. It is by the act of sexual union that a man and a woman are made one, joined together in the act by God. God's law of marriage applies to all men whether they are Christians or not, because all will stand before the judgement seat of Christ one day and give an account of the things the have done in the body as said in 2 cor.5:10,"For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body". 

When we look at the Bible teaching on marriage as mentioned by Jesus in Matt 19:5-6, "And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’* 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together”. God joins marriages between man and a woman together. God said in gen 2:24, that when a man and woman leave their parents and are married for the first time it is acceptable to God. Once they are married, God has joined them together. no man can separate them. This is God's law of marriage. God emphasizes that this union is not made by man but by God. Does this refers only to a christian marriage? If that were true, then all non-Christian marriages would not be marriages, they would simply be a man and woman living together in an adulterous relationship. when two people are joined in a marriage and consummate that relationship in the marriage  bed, it is a union made by God. Even the marriage that was consummated as an act of rebellion against God is still a marriage which God has made into an indissoluble union. 

This does not make God guilty of sin because He cannot sin. Rather, in accomplishing His divine purpose, God utilizes the sinful desires of man. For example, God allowed the brothers of Joseph to commit the dastardly crime of selling their younger brother into slavery so that later, Joseph, as Prime Minister of Egypt, would be able to save them from starvation. Likewise, God can utilize a sinfully contracted marriage for His own purposes. God informs us that once a marriage is consummated, a union has come into being by the action of God. 

In 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, Paul urges believers to not form partnership with unbelievers because this might weaken their Christian commitment. It would be a mismatch. He wanted believers to be active in their witness for Christ to unbelievers but not lock themselves into personal or business relationship that could cause them to compromise their faith. Christians are not to marry unbelievers to avoid situations that could force them to divide their loyalties.

Therefore, the difference between Genesis 1:24 and 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15 is that the former is a union made by God between two people and it applies to all men, and the later is a relationship with God not to be compromised and it applies to all believers only.

LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER!

Who is the Man?

“Is it lawful for a MAN to divorce...” (Matthew 19:3).

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no MAN put asunder [ apart ]” (Matthew 19:6b).

Who is this “man”? Who is the one promoting the separation? Can anybody outside the marriage divorce the husband and wife if they themselves did not want to be divorced? Of course not! You may be able to physically separate the husband and wife from each other, but not the marriage or “oneness” that they possess in their hearts. The “man” in Matthew 19:3b, 6b are the marriage partners. “Therefore what God has joined together, let not ...[the marriage partners] ...separate” (Matthew 19:6b). The Scripture is saying, concerning a God-ordained marriage, not to let the original desire to separate or divorce, grow out of the husband's or wife's heart. The Scripture does NOT say, “therefore what God has joined together, let not GOD separate,” but “let not man (the marriage partners) separate” out of self-gratification.

There is a vast difference between us doing something from our own self-gratification, and us carrying out the loving will of our heavenly Father. The very actions themselves that we carry out may appear to “look” the same, but the unseen part that makes the difference between a sinful act and a righteous act, is the desire of your heart. DIVORCE ITSELF IS NOT WRONG, BUT WHEN IT’S USED FOR SELFISH PLEASURE, IT IS!

God Brings Together and God Pulls Apart

We act as though we believe that once God has “joined together” a man and a woman, that He somehow loses His sovereign position as God, and cannot separate the two if the situation warrants it. As we have just read from Ezra and Nehemiah, that is just not so. God is God! For “...He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens” (Romans 9:18). (See also Exodus 33:19.)

We see God using His sovereign right to remove the kingdom, a type of family headship, from one of the greatest kings ever: Solomon. “[For] ...King Solomon loved many foreign women ...[For] ...the Lord had said to the children of Israel, ‘YOU SHALL NOT INTERMARRY WITH THEM, NOR THEY WITH YOU. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods...’ So the Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned from the Lord God of Israel. Therefore the Lord said to Solomon, ‘BECAUSE YOU HAVE DONE THIS [married against My will], and have not kept My covenant and My statutes, which I have commanded you, I WILL SURELY TEAR THE KINGDOM AWAY FROM YOU and give it to your servant’” (1Kings 11:1,2,9,11).

It has been wrongly taught that breaking a marriage covenant should NEVER be done. But we forget that God is jealous for a righteous holy-living people. When we join into covenant agreements that fly right in the face of His will, be assured that He will expect us to correct it; not just to keep on going as if nothing had happened and ask Him to “bless” it.

The vow, “to death do us part” that we make at our wedding is not found in the Bible. We can’t even keep ourselves by our OWN strength in the love of God, and yet we are going to commit ourselves to love someone else forever? A scriptural vow that would be more appropriate to promise one another on our wedding day would be: “By the GRACE OF GOD, AND THROUGH HIS STRENGTH, I GIVE myself to you all the days of my life, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish....” For in ourselves we are weak.

However, because of being born again into Christ, we CAN do all things through Christ who gives us the strength through His grace (See Philippians 4:13). As we yield our heart to God, everyday His glorious love will flow from Him, through us, and to our mate. The only thing that will ever separate our hearts on this earth is when we pass on to meet our Maker.

The Scripture that says for us to, “have no other gods before [you]” (Exodus 20:3) deals with relationship. For RELATIONSHIP IS COVENANT! Therefore, if there is a relationship in our life that we want more than what the Lord God wants us to have, we are in covenant relationship outside of His will. When God’s relationship with us is interfered with by another relationship, He will ask us to make the proper adjustments in our heart or break the relationship. If we won’t give the relationship its proper place or separate on our own, He Himself will start the process for it to break. The very bonds of the relationship will start to crumble and many times, it isn’t pleasant.

That’s what happened to King Solomon; “...because you have done this [you entered a marriage covenant you weren’t supposed to], and have not kept MY covenant ...I will surely tear the kingdom away from you...” (1Kings 11:11). God, in revealing the steadfastness of His heart, used King Solomon as an example to the future generations.

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN

Children grow up with no clear understanding of right and wrong and with little direction to their lives. The greatest responsibility that God gives parents is the nurture and guidance of their children.

 Proverbs 13:24 says “He that spareth his rod hated his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”

It is not easy for a loving parent to discipline a child, but it is necessary. Lack of discipline puts parents’ love in question because it shows a lack of concern for the character development of their children.  Disciplining children averts long-range disaster. Don’t be afraid to discipline your children. It is an act of love. Remember, however, that your efforts cannot make your children wise, they can only encourage your children to seek God’s wisdom above all else.

There is this old saying “A rotten apple spoils the barrel”. Our friends and associates affect us, sometimes profoundly. Parents should know their children’s friends and help in advising them to select godly children as friends. Proverbs 13:20 says “He that walketh with the wise men shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed”

When the friends of your children are godly, definitely, they will impact godly values in them and they will not compromise their path in order to gain worldly acceptance. But when you leave your children unchecked as regards to the friends they keep, they may fall into the hands of the foolish children who will turn them away from God and as a result obtain that destruction that comes with following foolish friends. Mathew 18:6 says “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it was better for them that a milestone were hanged about his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea”.

Children are trusting by nature. Because they trust adults, they are easily led to faith in Christ. God holds parents and other adults accountable for how they influence these little ones. Jesus warned that anyone who turns little children away from faith in Him will receive severe punishment.

2 Cor 6:14 says “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness”

There is every inclination for a growing child to make friends with godly if not guided. It is the duty of the parent/s to do everything in their power to avoid a situation that could force their children to make friends with the ungodly; this does not mean isolating them from the ungodly, because it might weaken their Christian commitment, integrity, or standards. Hebrews 12:9 says “Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the father of spirits and live?

Who loves his children more – the father who allows the children to do what will harm him or the one who corrects trains and even punishes the children to help him learn what is right? It’s never pleasant to be corrected and disciplined by God, but his discipline is a sign of His deep love for us. So when parents correct their children, they should make them understand it as a proof of your love and not hatred.

 2 Timothy 2:16 says “But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness”

Parents should know that what they do is more important to their children than what they say and who they are is more important than what they do. Therefore, they should not argue in front of their children because such argument will get them confused and even harmful to their physic.

DOES GOD JOIN ALL MARRIAGES BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN TOGETHER?

God's purpose was that two people come together as one and made one by an act of commitment followed by sexual union and should continue until death separate them or act of unfaithfulness or desertion. It is by the act of sexual union that a man and a woman are made one, joined together in the act by God. God's law of marriage applies to all men whether they are Christians or not because all will stand before the judgement seat of Christ one day and give an account of the things they have done in the body as stated in 2 cor.5:10 "For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body".

When we look at the bible teaching on marriage as mentioned by Jesus in Matt 19:5-6, God joins marriages between man and a woman together. God said in Genesis 2:24, that when a man and woman leave their parents and are married for the first time it is acceptable to God. Once they are married,God has joined them together and no man can separate them. This is God's law of marriage. God emphasizes that this union is not made by man but by God. Does this refers only to a christian marriage? If that were true, then all non-Christian marriages would not be marriages, they would simply be a man and woman living together in an adulterous relationship.

When two people are joined in a marriage and they consummate that relationship in the marriage bed, it is a union made by God. Even the marriage that was consummated as an act of rebellion against God is still a marriage which God has made into an indissolvable union. This does not make God guilty of sin because He cannot sin. Rather,in accomplishing His divine purpose, God ultilizes the sinful desires of man. For example, God allowed the brothers of Joseph to commit the dastardly crime of selling their younger brother into slavery so that later, Joseph, as Prime Minister of Egypt, would be able to save them from starvation. Likewise, God can utilize a sinfully contracted marriage for His own purposes. God informs us that once a marriage is consummated, a union has come into being by the action of God. 

Then when we talk about Christians being  an unequally yoked with unbelievers as mentioned in 2 Corinthians 6:14, the most common understanding of this verse is that Paul is telling Christians not to marry an unbeliever. He clearly said this in his first letter to the Corinthians. That is an appropriate interpretation and application. Contrary to the wisdom of our age that says what we believe is really not important in the grand scheme of things and that two different religions should have no problem living under the same roof, the reality is the opposite. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you have no business entering into a marriage with a non-Christian. More than that, as a follower of Christ you are united with Christ and He dwells in you by the presence of the Holy Spirit. With your spouse you are also to become one. You are to be united in a deep and very real spiritual way. That can’t happen if your spirit is united with Christ and theirs is not.

But the imagery and context here goes beyond that of marriage. The verses following 6:14 bring to mind images related to worship. The Corinthians had a huge problem living in the midst of numerous temples to false gods and a society that was built on such idolatry. Paul is telling the Corinthians to make sure that they keep their fellowship with Christ and their worship of God free from the pollution of idolatry. The references to the Temple, to idols, to Belial, and a quote from Leviticus and Isaiah bring the worship context to the foreground. This is a verse about compromising who God is and our worship of Him. We are not to mix with the religious practices of the idolatry of the world.

EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR

An extramarital affair is the most difficult situation that can affect a marital relationship. It eliminates the emotional bond between spouses, violates the basic trust each partner has for each other and it jeopardizes the health and well being of both parties. An affair is not only a sexual event—it is an emotional event. It is usually a consequence of the emotional distance between the married couple. In a rather paradoxical manner, the extramarital affair may also temporarily create closeness between the couple but will ultimately send the relationship into a terrifying state of panic. Usually, poor relationships between a husband and wife result in one of them or both seeking extramarital affairs. Sometimes, the involved partner will justify that the affair is an attempt at “disrupting the status quo” in his or her marriage - that is you must live together as custom demands but can still catch some fun outside because it is accepted in the world). If the relationship has drifted into stagnation, lack of emotional contact, habitual criticism and argument, constant conflict, or just plain emotional distance and coolness, then the affair will eventually put the final nail into the coffin. Culture does play a very significant role in our attitudes and actions regarding marriage. Christian marriage must not be shaped by culture, but by the cross of Christ, the Word of God, and the Spirit of God: Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul (1 Peter 2:11; Romans 12:1-2; Ephesians 4:17-24). When Christians comes to marriage, we dare not allow the world (our culture) to shape our thinking, our attitudes, or our actions. WHOSOEVER INDULGES IN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR LACKS UNDERSTANDING AND DESTROYS HIS OWN SOUL! DO NOT ALLOW FIVE MINUTES EXTRAMARITAL PLEASURE DESTROY YOUR SOUL! The consequences are too much to bear.

Most times, why people engage themselves in extra-marital affairs is this single reason that they are not satisfied by their partners or their partners do not have time for them. Marriage is not where you can go out to catch some fun when you are not satisfied at home. It is sacred! If you are not satisfied sexually, it is your responsibility to work on improving your sex life until it gets better. This flimsy reason for engaging in extra-marital affair will only take you to hell eventually if you do not repent now.

There is no place for all fornicators and adulterers in heaven. Be wise!

MAIN REASON WHY PEOPLE MAKE A WRONG CHOICE IN MARRIAGE

The main reason why people make a wrong choice in marriage is the simple fact that when you fall in love initially it creates emotions that overpower "REASONING" . Too often they hurry to develop an intimate relationship based on their strong feeling. Feeling aren't enough to support a lasting relationship.  Do not  force romance lest the feeling of love develop faster than the commitment to make love last  thereby  beclouding your sense of judgement and the ability to make a  right choice. Patiently wait for feelings of love and commitment to develop together in a relationship before making a life time commitment to it.

What fuels marriage so that love can be sustained is commitment! Christian marriage is founded on commitment. Love will only remain if the commitment to the marriage remains. Claiming to love someone without genuine commitment to that person is the same as building a house on a sand. We all know what will happen when a strong wind will blow the house. BE WISE!

FORGIVENESS

We always talk about forgiveness as a key ingredient in long lasting marriage relationship. But we forgot that a key ingredient in the forgiveness process is a sincere apology. In order for the forgiveness process to be meaningful, the person apologizing for his/her transgression must realize that when you apologize, when you say “I’m sorry” and really mean it, you are implying the following; I will work to change my behavior…I may not be perfect, but I will be mindful of how I hurt you and adjust my actions accordingly. 

An apology without a change in behavior at some point becomes meaningless, and the potential fallout is that over time your words and promises will be seen as hollow and you will be perceived as insincere and hypocritical. When our words stop mattering to our loved ones, when our words cannot be counted on, a betrayal of trust has occurred and the very foundation of the relationship is seriously compromised. So be mindful when you apologize, mindful of the responsibility that comes with your “I’m sorry.” Your words have significant power to influence and impact your partner but this power exists only when followed by behaviors and actions that support the underlying meaning of what you are vocalizing. No relationship will last if there is no trust. Partners can build trust to each other through time. It isn’t earned overtime and the only way for the marriage to endure if the couples are truthful and responsible.

A baby heart grown adults in a marriage is what every couple needs for sustenance of unity in a marriage relationship, but it does not ignore the fact that someone is being hurt but it becomes easy to forgive and forget and keep loving the person when the wrong done is realized and a sincere apology made. This is achievable when the Holy Spirit is at work in the heart of the couple.

Loving someone means having the courage to say you are sorry when your actions have hurt them and having faith in the strength of your relationship to handle the ensuing conflict. It also means having the grace to accept the apology of your partner and move on. These two steps of forgiveness open the door to effective communication to determine the actions you both will take to set things right and move forward into a stronger relationship.

 Loving your spouse is all about forgiveness, compassion, sacrifice, commitment, respect, encouragement, submission, etc. When you act on these things called love in your marriage, through your behaviors toward each other, this is how a husband loves his wife and a wife her husband; it is the fruit of the Spirit of Christ. What an awesome gift we have been blessed with! Be accountable to God and to your spouse in the marriage and start taking responsibility.

PROVERBS 31:10-31 AS APPLY TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN!!!

The word "WOMAN" in proverbs 31 verse 10 does not apply to wives as there are women that are not married and the verse did not say, who can find a virtuous wife? The Bible said that we are the bride of Christ (man/woman) and Christ our husband. So the scripture is referring to the man and the woman here as "WOMAN". It portrays our relationship with Christ and how we should relate to one another.

To show how Proverbs 31:10-31 would read if it were applied to men and their relationship with the Lord.

FOR THE MAN!

Who can find a virtuous man? for his price [is] far above rubies.

The heart of the Lord doth safely trust in him, so that the Lord shall have no need to intercede.

He will do good for the Lord and not evil all the days of his life.

He seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with his hands.

He is like the merchants' ships; he bringeth his food from afar.

He riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to his household, and a portion to his employees.

He considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of his hands he planteth a vineyard.

He girdeth his loins with strength, and strengtheneth his arms.

He perceiveth that his merchandise [is] good: his candle goeth not out by night.

He layeth his hands to the spindle, and his hands hold the distaff.

He stretcheth his hand to the poor; yea, he reacheth forth his hands to the needy.

He is not afraid of the snow for his household: for his household are clothed with scarlet.

He maketh himself coverings of tapestry; his clothing is silk and purple.

His Lord is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

FOR THE WOMAN!
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise [is] good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household [are] clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing [is] silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth [it]; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

He stretcheth out his hand to the poor; yea, he reacheth forth his hands to the needy.

He is not afraid of the snow for his household: for all his household [are] clothed with scarlet.

He maketh himself coverings of tapestry; his clothing [is] silk and purple.

The Lord is known in the gates, and has a place of honor when the elders of the land meet. (because of the virtuous man's good reputation)

He maketh fine linen, and selleth [it]; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honour [are] his clothing; and he shall rejoice in time to come.

He openeth his mouth with wisdom; and in his tongue [is] the law of kindness.

He looketh well to the ways of his household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

His children arise up, and call him blessed; the Lord [also], and He praiseth him.

Many believers have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a man [that] feareth the LORD, he shall be praised.

Give him of the fruit of his hands; and let his own works bring praises to the Lord in the gates of the City.

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE

Marriage is the celebration of daily commitment between a husband and wife. Marriage is the decision to commit yourself to your spouse alone.Once infidelity sets in, the purpose for that marriage is defeated.


Marriage is not an end in itself, it is a means to an end. As man is created in God's image, marriage is created in the image of Christ and the church. Therefore as man is required to imitate God (in being holy and living for His glory), marriage is to imitate the relationship between Christ and the church, with the husband imitating Christ (the sacrificial servant-leader) and the wife imitating the church (joyfully submitting to the sacrificial servant-leader).


The basis of true love in a marriage is commitment to God and your spouse alone. Nothing is more vital in a marriage than encouraging and appreciating your spouse. Be sure to tell your spouse, 'I love you' every day and show that love by your actions. It heals a lot of wounds. Communicating love and expressing admiration in both words and actions can enhance every marriage.


Why did God make men and women so unbelievably different? The main reason is so that we would have to depend on Him. God wants to be at the center of every marriage, so He made the relationship so difficult that we have to keep Him there to make it work. That's just like God, isn't it? He makes sure that He is the answer to all of life's problems. No two people can make marriage work by themselves. Without God's presence and power in your marriage, these are the things that will likely happen - you can stay together and limp along without God. Lots of couples—Christians and non-Christians—do that. It might be a decent marriage, a stable marriage. Nobody's going to leave. You're staying together—not because you're passionately in love, but out of obligation—because it's the right thing to do or because you have children and you don't want to break up the family. 

Of course, staying together is the right thing to do. But it is not the right thing to stay together like that. If you do, you're settling for far less what God wants for your marriage and that is not what he has in mind for you. God wants marriage to be a glorious, passionate, deeply, intimate, sacred and magnificent love relationship. He wants us to connect in communication, to be best of friends, to meet each other's need, to have fun and to glorify Him in our love. 

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 is the most beautiful and moving descriptions of love ever written. You better sit down and read the passage because it might knock you off your feet. God wants you to experience it in your relationship and He will give it to you if you will give him the chance to demonstrate it through you.
                 6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
                         like a seal on your arm.
                         For love is as strong as death,
                         its jealousy* as enduring as the grave.*
                         Love flashes like fire,
                         the brightest kind of flame.
               7 Many waters cannot quench love,
                         nor can rivers drown it.
                         If a man tried to buy love
                         with all his wealth,
                         his offer would be utterly scorned.

COUPLE BECOMING "ONE FRESH"

In genesis 2:24, God says: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh". 

One flesh is a complete coming together of a man and a woman in three areas: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is spiritual intimacy that drives the "one flesh" relationship in a marriage. Spiritual intimacy is how you tap into the word of God and put it to work in your marriage. To love each other with God's love, you must be connected to Him as a couple. You must join spiritually. The secret to breathing new life into a dead love is becoming one flesh, spiritually. Spiritual bonding is consistently placing God at the very center of your relationship and growing ever closer to Him as a couple. When couple spiritually bond, it is no longer the two of them that is doing the loving. it is God Himself doing the loving. When you are unable to love your partner anymore, and your marriage is falling apart, God steps in to do the loving. He will love your partner through you. If you have a non-Christian spouse, then your challenge is to follow I Peter 3:1-4 and model a vibrant, healthy Christian life. The closer you are to God, the more deeply and unconditionally you can love your partner. God's love, working through you, will make all the difference in your mate and in your marriage.  

Human love must always runs out 0f gas (die) - The first thing couple must understand when they get married is that the initial tankful of physical passion and emotional intimacy that fuels their marriage can only take you few years down the road. That's it. Every married couple's love dies. Every single one! Just like a car running out of gas, your tank will unexpectedly go dry, and you'll coast to a stop. There are millions of stalled marriages on the highway of life. Human love, powered by human strength, was never designed by God to carry marriages forty to fifty years. Only God can give you an intimate passionate and permanent love.

True love in a marriage is all about trust (having confidence and total reliance on the good virtues and ability of your partner), openness (being frank and honest to each other), transparency without secrecy (being transparent without keeping a secret from each other) and all that God represents ( inner joy, peace, love, faithfulness, goodness, patience). The understanding and determination to apply the above features daily is the beginning of wisdom to excel in your marriage against all odds.

Together couples stand in one single purpose which is to honour and glorify God but divided in this purpose they fall. May God instill in the heart of all the married a soul that is craving for Him and a heart that cling passionately to Him so that their marriages will bring glory, honour and joy to His name in Jesus name, Amen!.

GODLY PRINCIPLES FOR FINDING A LIFE PARTNER

Marriage is one of the most important choices you will ever have to make in your life. The choice you make will determine if you will have a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage. It will undoubtedly affect the lives, hopes, dreams and careers of your children if you were to have any.

A young girl came and asked me, “Sister, I have already fallen in love with a young boy, now how can I find God's will?” My immediate answer was, “You have fallen? Get up! Why did you fall?” In Christian marriage there is no such thing as “falling in love.” It has only the concept of “entering into a love relationship” in marriage to a man or a woman chosen by God. The Bible only says, “Husbands love your wives…” (Ephesians. 5:25), and not “Boys love your girlfriends” or vice versa.

Being single is an important time to prepare you for marriage. It can also be a time to experience a closer communion with God. As you seek God to cleanse you of the world and help you become the kind of wife or husband that would bless someone, you will soon find that you are not lonely. First, the Lord would begin using you to bless others; then you will find you are content in Him. Eventually, in God's plan and timing, He will bless you with a wonderful mate so that both lives can be a witness for Him.  Marriage is the second major choice you make in our lives, and you should never enter into it without much prayer. To rush into a marriage can be disastrous. The most important decision of your life, of course, is your decision to follow the Lord. This decision is not a one-time declaration, but a daily determination to follow Jesus above all. If you allow the emotional or souls realm to dominate your life you become more susceptible to the enemy leading you astray through someone. This area of the flesh should be brought under the Lord's subjection so that Satan does not get the advantage and consequently destroy your life and calling. Many have failed the Lord because they chose a man or woman over the Lord. THE WORSE LONELINESS ONE CAN EXPERIENCE IS NOT SINGLE BUT MARRIES SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT THE LORD.

Many singles make the mistake of putting their lives on hold until they marry and "get a real life." God can work through all believers who walk in obedience to him. Christians need to remember that marriage does not make a person whole, only accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour brings wholeness. Sadly though, many Christian singles feel pressured, even from other Christians, to seek a mate rather than to seek the will of God for their lives. We must dedicate our lives to serving the Lord and walking in obedience to Him - regardless of our marital state. Singles need to stop believing the "I am missing something" lie and accept the call to obey and serve God with their whole heart, mind, and strength. Marriage may or may not be a part of God's plan for you so it is time to live the life you have now and trust God for the rest.

When a man is looking for a woman to marry, he must seek those character and strengths in her that will help him make wise decision and not just physical attraction that will make him feel good before the world. Not everyone who looks good is pleasant to live with. Physical attractiveness without discretion will do more harm than good. Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain but husband and wife that fear the Lord shall be praised and is under the umbrella of God's protection and provision.

Marriage is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man. Proverbs19:14 say, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord-the Lord’s will, find a prudent one-one with discernment and self-control. This would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord.

How can you involve God in helping you find someone special? Follow in the footsteps of Abraham’s servant in his search for a wife for Isaac. He looked for someone who was spiritual and with a servant heart. Then he prays about it and asked God to bring him success in finding the right partner.

In finding someone to marry, the following must be taken into cognizance;

1.   Gen 24:17-22 says “Running over to her the servant said please give me a little drink of water from your jug. 18 Yes, my lord, she answered, “have a drink “and she quickly lowered her jug from her shoulder and gave him a drink.                                                                                                                                    19 When she had given a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels, too until they have had enough to drink. 20 so she quickly emptied her jug into the watering trough and ran back to the well to draw water for all his camels. 21 The servant watched her in silence wondering whether or not the lord had given him success in his mission. 22 Then at last when the camel had finished drinking, he took a golden ring for her nose and two large gold bracelets for her wrist.” (NLT)

Rebecca’s servant spirit was clearly demonstrated as she willingly and quickly drew water for Eliezer and his camels. The pots used for carrying water were large and heavy. It took a lot of water to satisfy a thirsty camel; up to 25 gallons per camel, after weeks of travel. Seeing Rebecca go to work, Eliezer knew this was a woman with a heart for doing far more than the bare minimum.

Finding someone who is honest, helpful and caring is quite hard to find these days but there are a lot of good people out there.

2.    

 L    Look for a Christian husband or wife that suits your temperament and personality. If you are a Christian do not marry a man or woman who is not a Christian.

Genesis 24:3-4 says “swear by the Lord the God of heaven and earth that you will not allow my son to marry one of these local Canaanite women. (4) Go instead to my home land to my relatives and find a wife there for my son Isaac.” (NLT)

Abraham wanted Isaac to marry within the family that is Christian community to avoid inter marriage with pagan neighbours. The Bible says can two walk together except they agree?

In the New Testament 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 says: don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?  (15) What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? (NLT)

For those who have discovered God’s light, there can be no fellowship or compromise with darkness. As followers of Christ we must give him our total allegiance.

We cannot have a part in the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons at the same time. You cannot follow Christ and the crowd (1 Corinthians 10:20-21). This may cause you big problem down the line. Trust God that He will show you who a good match would be. Likes are not always the perfect match; remember to keep an open mind. 

Genesis 24:7 says “for the Lord, the God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house and my native land. Solemnly promised to give this land t o my descendants. He will send his angle ahead of you, and he see to it that you find a wife there for my son”. (NLT)

When you put your trust in God He will always direct your path aright. God promised to lead us if we follow Him. Psalm 37:47.  Want to know where to find the right kind of partner? The Bible says you should be like a fisherman!!! When a fisherman wants to catch fish, he goes where the fishes are, the river, lake or sea. If you want to find a Christian partner, go to church, local singles events where Christians meet regularly. Don’t expect to meet people if you are in the house and your door is shut.  In Proverbs 18:22 says, “He that finds a wife, findeth a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” God did not say that there is one particular woman for a man but whoever finds the right kind of person (husband/wife) finds a good thing. The kind of a person that shares the same views likes and interests with you.

Pray that God will guide you and follow the above guidelines and you can be sure God will lead you to a suitable person. If you both love and respect each other, you will know that God has guided you. It’s not always plain sailing to get to that place though so be patient.