Evaluation of your personal success in marriage!!

 

God uses marriage to direct us towards Himself. To evaluate our personal success in a marriage we must not look to see if our needs are being met, but we must ask ourselves, "Am I demonstrating the image and character of Jesus Christ?." We determine our success by how much we are becoming like Christ -- loving and honoring our spouse according to the specific roles God has laid out for us in the Scriptures. Far wiser than us, God knows that as we grow into the image of Jesus, our greatest needs are met.

Romans 12: 2 'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will'.

Sadly, most of us have been under that false notion that God means for our mate to meet all of our romantic and emotional needs. We marry, fully intending to have our spouse be all that we ever wanted in a mate. Shortly after the wedding though, we begin to think that our new partner has a lot of changing to do. In fact, it appears they are far from being able to fully meet our needs. Instead of being fully committed to our idea of what a marriage is all about, we entered in with our own ideas of what marriage is to be.

God's primary intention for marriage is not what most of us imagine it to be. He has not designed marriage as a place where we can finally try to get our needs met. He has created it as something much better -- something far more grand than that. God intends to use marriage to accomplish a very important goal -- one that is His primary goal for all Christians. God's primary purpose for marriage is to use it to help shape us into the image of His Son. If we miss out on this we are doomed to a life of anxiety and frustration.

Successful Marriage!!

 

A successful marriage relationship is first laid on a solid foundation which is Christ. Colossians 2:6-7 KJV: 6 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him:7 Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.

After that three pillars must be erected to hold firm the structure that will be built to keep it from losing balance and eventually collapsing altogether. These pillars are the hallmark for a successful marriage - INTEGRITY, RESPECT AND ENDURANCE. It is upon these pillars that every other thing is built upon and keep it standing even when pressure of any kind or form are directed to it. If one of these is left out the likelihood of your marriage losing balance and focus are increased greatly. These pillars are actually necessary in order for you to enjoy the blessings of a successful marriage. It takes the two partners together to achieve this.

INTEGRITY - Sharing the same basic beliefs and values and committed to living those principles out together. 

RESPECT -trust and respect one another in all things as they carry out these beliefs and values. 

ENDURANCE - keeping the marriage covenant to God and with each other by determining to endure all things that will come their way in this life. No matter how hard one person tries to achieve these alone, it is not possible. Two hands are always useful than one.

Marriage is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of woman or man. Prov.19:14 says, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord (i.e. the Lord’s will), find a prudent one (one with discernment and self-control). This would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord.

THE POWER OF *I AM SORRY.*

 

*I am sorry* is a short and mighty sentence.

If you wish to live long, don't joke with this short sentence, *I am sorry*. Do you know how many people who had gone to their early grave because they neglected the therapeutic power of *I am sorry*.

Most of the troubles in most homes are heightened because wives are too big to say *I am sorry* to their husbands and you can trust the ego of husbands in saying same to their wives. Quarrel lingers between friends because no party wants to say *I am sorry*. Each says or asks, why should I be the first to say *I am sorry?* He or she would beat his or her chest and utter the ego phrase, *a whole me!*

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the part of the world where saying *I am sorry* is a hard nut to crack while curses are easily unleashed. Welcome to the part of the world where people refer to a person who says *I am sorry* in a midst of a rift as a *weaker sex*: one who is not man enough; one who is foolish. And that's the thing. Saying *I am sorry* actually shows strength, not weakness. A person who can apologize and truly mean it is self-aware. 

Welcome to Africa where saying *I am sorry* is tougher than forcing a donkey to pass through a needle hole. All of us are victims of this discussion. We have lost valuable assets, money and even lives because of this cheap and affordable sentence *I am sorry*. It simply cost only a breath of speech.

Have you ever wondered why domestic violence is less pronounced in the western world? It is simply because they understand the efficacy of *I am sorry*. Husbands say it to their wives and even children whenever they err, wives and children do the same and life goes on fine.

Friends, this is simply a piece to encourage us to cultivate a habit of saying *I am sorry.* It is difficult but readily affordable. When you say that you are sorry, it restores the dignity of the hurt person and makes them feel better. An apology may restore trust and understanding to a relationship, because it contributes to a feeling of safety and makes both the receiver and the giver feel comfortable and respected.

How to say *I am sorry* and really mean it?

1. Consider the Motive Behind Your Apology and yourself what's motivating the apology. Ask yourself what’s motivating the apology. Is it coming from a sincere place of remorse and a desire to improve? Or do you just want to smooth things over?
2. Go Ahead and Confess, But No Excuses — You Did This. The act of confessing sounds simple enough, but your language and phrasing are critical. You need to tell the victim what she or he did without excuses or blame. And not I did this because you did that, that's not an apology. 
3. Be Contrite and Make A Plan To Change. If you don’t have a plan to prevent your harmful behavior from recurring, then you risk making an “empty apology,” which is called an apology that isn't followed up with a change in behavior, attitude.
4. Get Ready to Change Because This is Just The Beginning. The offending party must commit to putting in the work at changing. This won’t happen overnight.

WHY MEN ARE CALLED "GROOM”, AND THE WOMAN “THE BRIDE” ON WEDDING DAY.

 

Why is the newly wedded man called groom and the woman called bride? A friend of mine got tired of his wife just about six months after wedding. He complained bitterly to me about her and told me that he has concluded to break up with her; he went on to say that he was sure that he made a mistake. I did not respond immediately because I knew I must tell him that right thing, so I went home. And that is what birth this message.

Many men have broken up with their wives because they end up not being the wife that they have dreamt of. But they have forgotten that on their wedding day was when the man was commissioned for the new task. Nobody calls the woman wife on her wedding day but bride, because it is the man that will groom his bride to become the wife. That is why the man is called ‘bridegroom or groom’ and the word grooming has to do with patiently nurturing, teaching, tending and helping someone to become what he or she should be.

It is therefore believed that a man that takes a woman to the altar of marriage is matured enough to patiently groom his bride to become the wife. The man is not supposed to just expect the bride to automatically become the wife, she must be groomed.

It is clear that many of us men have unnecessary expectations when we were getting married, we want some magic to happen to our wives, we want them to become what we have had in mind about who we want our wives to be; not considering the fact that the woman does not know what is on your mind except you teach her. Our expectations are often too unrealistic, because we don’t remember that change takes time and we can only expect something from someone that knows what we want.

So before you think of breaking up, have you groomed her? Have you given her time to understand you? Hope you realize that a turtle will never become a hawk? God often brings people that are opposites of each other together in marriage so that they can help each other in their place of weaknesses. If your wife is weak where you are weak, then where will you get the strength that is needed? The problem with many of us is that we don’t accept people before attempting to change them.

Of course, our wives are not from our backgrounds, so it will take time for them to adjust. Stop trying to change her, accept her, love her, teach her and be patient with her; that is what grooming is all about. She is going to be your wife but she is your bride now, so groom her. Stop complaining about her, she may be a turtle and you a hawk, she cannot fly so be patient with her. I don’t believe that your marriage can’t work, be patient and allow God to help you.

WISHING YOU THE BEST MARITAL LIFE EVER !